THE PROBLEM WITH PEOPLE-PLEASING
Pamela DeNeuve
Because THRIVING in law isn’t just about long hours—it’s about strategic focus, strong well-being, and celebrating each milestone
PEOPLE PLEASERS
People-pleasers confuse people-pleasing with kindness.
They "don't want to seem selfish" and "want to be a good person."
They usually have a difficult time saying no.?
MEET JENNIFER
Jennifer struggled with people-pleasing at her firm.
She became whatever her coworkers or boss needed her to be.
She fell behind on her work, stayed after hours trying to catch up, and ended up feeling exhausted and unhappy.
Jennifer sacrificed and compromised her values and found herself behind on her billable hours.?
She gave her time and energy, hoping to be a part of the team.?
THE FINAL STRAW
Jennifer made her billable hours but missed deadlines from time to time because she was doing special projects trying to please her Partner.
During Jennifer's performance review, her supervisor said,
?"Jennifer, you missed two critical deadlines. Therefore, I won't be able to give you the full raise, and you are not eligible for the promotion you were seeking."
Jennifer was devastated and cried while driving home. She was discouraged
and depressed.
JENNIFER SEEKS HELP
A close friend referred her to me for coaching.
Jennifer realized she had not ever set boundaries. As a result, her supervisor, fellow associates, some of her friends, and family took advantage of her kindness.
Her Partner did not respect her and treated her like a doormat.
As her coach, Jennifer and I created an action plan.
Jennifer was happy at her new firm.?
If you are neglecting your practice because of people-pleasing contact Pamela
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3 年I appreciate this article. Thank you for sharing.
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3 年We will never be able to please everyone, so we may as well stop trying it just leads us down a difficult road. Not only for us and those we are trying to please. Inevitably we will let them down as well.
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3 年This is such an important topic. I struggled with people pleasing for much of my career and it crippled my search for fulfillment. Thanks Pamela DeNeuve
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3 年People think they are doing the right thing by always saying "yes" and doing extra work. Yet, in the end, the only one that isn't helped is you. Thank you, Pamela, for pointing out this problem and how harmful it can be to a lawyer's career. Glad Jennifer was able to get the help she needed and right the ship.
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3 年This is a great reminder that people pleasing has a very insidious downside. By saying yes to others we are often saying no to ourselves. Love your call out about boundaries as we do need to set them to ensure we meet our needs too. Thanks for this Pamela.