The Problem with Masking Our Fear with Dislike

In observing how people talk about their fears, I've noticed a common habit: we often avoid using the word "fear" and say we "dislike" something instead. This might not seem like a big deal, but it actually stops us from facing and overcoming our fears.

Take roller coasters, for example. Some people say, "I dislike roller coasters," instead of saying they are afraid to ride them. Or with public speaking, some say, "I hate public speaking," instead of "I'm afraid of it." This way of speaking might make us feel better temporarily, but it prevents us from really dealing with our fears. Let me say why this is quite bad. When we say “I dislike something” we deny its value. For example, when we say “I hate speaking in public” it could mean, ‘I don’t need to speak in public, or I don’t need to express my opinion, or I don’t need to share my ideas, in the same way we say, “I don’t like eating fish” which is a matter of taste or preference. Saying you hate something or dislike it is a reason to avoid it because it is not important to you. You can live without it.

By not admitting we're afraid, we miss the chance to grow from confronting those fears. Overcoming fears isn't just about getting over the fear itself. It's also about the personal growth that comes from pushing ourselves and becoming more resilient and confident. For example, if you say, I am afraid of speaking in public or in front of my team, you are not denying the need for you to do it. If you recognize that there is much value to expressing yourself, you may decide to work on overcoming your discomfort of speaking in front of others and expressing your views or sharing a dissenting opinion.

Additionally, avoiding views or fears affects how we see ourselves and how genuine we can be with others. If we can't admit our fears to ourselves, it's hard to be open about them with others. This can make it hard to form deep and honest relationships.

The way to grow personally is to acknowledge and face our fears, not ignore them. This doesn't mean we should force ourselves into uncomfortable situations without care. Instead, we should recognize our fears, understand where they come from, and take steps to address them when we feel ready. It's about moving from avoiding fears to dealing with them directly. This approach helps us learn that fear is a normal part of life and that we can handle it with courage and kindness to ourselves.

Facing our fears is challenging but it leads to better self-understanding, resilience, and fulfillment. Let's not hide our fears behind softer words. Instead, let's see them as chances to grow and become stronger.