The Problem with Forgetting (and what to do about it)

Hi, my name is Ron but my friends call me Ronnie.

Speaking of friends I have some good friends. Daniel he and I do jiu jitsu with Brian, Paul and Ryan. We are there every Tuesday and we would love for you to join us. We are ages 18 to 51!

I am the oldest of the group, I have been training for over a decade (just barely). I started in part to learn a martial art but I stayed for the fitness and the friendships.

Wait, let’s take 2 steps back…

I am going to challenge you…

Do NOT glance back up at the previous paragraphs keep your eyes fixed here.

Now, if I asked you to name all 4 of my friends that I listed above could you do it? Don’t look!!

Just sit back and even look away and think for a moment. To be candid most of you are not going to get it 100% correct. Some of you may and others may remember 1 or 2 or none at all.

This is life isn’t it?

You are introduced to people in a business meeting and 3 seconds later you don’t know their names. You panic. This is a $100,000 deal and you just realized you don’t know their names.

What is going on? Are you losing your mind? Has Alzheimers set in? Are you a self focused narcissist?

Most likely none of these. You just have a very simple challenge.

Focus.

You weren’t listening. As you were walking to this person you were sizing them up, ‘What do I think of them? What do they think of me? Which product will they buy from me? What can they afford? They are dressed nice. They are dressed like a slob. Do I still have that stain on my shirt from lunch?’

Then as a dozen questions are racing through your mind they say their name and you literally never hear it.

Remembering names starts with hearing the name. Brian Tracy wrote in his book Focal Point that you can focus your brain with well worded questions. I use this technique in remembering names.

As I am approaching someone instead of running through the standard subconscious questions we talked about sizing them up, I will silently ask myself a very pointed question to focus my brain. This question is, ‘What is their name?’

Well, I don’t know their name! However, by asking myself this question in the moments before I hear their name I have at least tripled the odds that I will hear and listen to their name and begin the process of remembering their name. If you don’t at least hear the name you will never remember the name.

The bad news is if you are normal you have trouble focusing long enough to actually hear the name and here are the main reasons for this phenomenon:

1. Cognitive Load: When we're introduced to someone, our brain is processing multiple pieces of information simultaneously—like the person's appearance, body language, and the conversation itself. If our cognitive load is high, we might not fully register the person's name, even if we hear it.

2. Attention: If we're distracted or thinking about something else when someone tells us their name, our brain might not allocate enough attention to the name, leading to us not remembering it later.

3. Lack of Interest or Priority: If our brain doesn't perceive the name as important or relevant at that moment, it may unconsciously deprioritize it, focusing instead on other details of the conversation.

4. Short-Term Memory: Names are often stored in short-term memory initially, and if they're not actively processed or repeated, they can be quickly forgotten.

5. Unconscious Biases: Sometimes, our brains may unconsciously filter out information if it doesn't match our expectations or if we're subconsciously focused on something else that seems more important.

Training the brain to pay closer attention and creating mental associations can help improve name recall. The first step in this is hearing the name, try developing the habit of asking yourself, ‘What is their name?’ If you can do this with every person you meet you are going to triple the odds you hear the name. And that is the first step.

Perhaps create a game with yourself and tell yourself that unless you ask yourself that question before you meet each person you have to donate $10 to a political party you disagree with! That’s some motivation! I bet you get good at this game!

Of course, you can find another motivation. But make it a game and start remembering more names.

With this said, this is only the first step. You need to learn to see the name as an image and imagine it with review. I will cover those in future articles so subscribe here to not miss those articles.