The Problem with Feedback

Welcome to our latest LinkedIn newsletter, where we delve into the intricate dance of receiving and processing feedback.

When your boss, a peer, or a colleague says something positive about you, do you dismiss it? Do you say things like, "I was only doing my job" or "It was nothing?"

Do you listen without truly hearing what's said or even reading more into what's said, driving yourself up the wall and second-guessing meaning or intention???

Well, you're not alone. Let's face it: feedback is essential if we are to improve, which means we should be more open to feedback and improve how we receive it.

Some?of us are?shy and dismissive when praised for a job well done or how we may have handled a situation. Some of us see improvement feedback as a bo**ocking and?tune-out, missing the value in the message.?

When you add a poorly delivered message or whether we like the messenger, it all adds up to a lump of mindset spaghetti. We don't know how to process it, so we ignore it, park it for later, or simply dismiss it?out of hand.

What is feedback?

Feedback is the gift we give each other when we share something that went well, didn't go as expected, or we could improve. It includes meaningful context and detail so that you can understand precisely what you did with purposeful guidance on what you should avoid, minimise or repeat.

Feedback is holding up the mirror, enabling someone to choose whether they accept the message of how to improve, stop doing the wrong things in the wrong way or repeat desired actions and behaviours.

Why?do we?choose to see?some?feedback as?positive?

'Confirmation bias' is our tendency to filter information through the lens of our existing beliefs; we categorise information as helpful or harmful depending on how it aligns with our perspectives. We favour information that supports our views and dismiss information that contradicts them.?

This is evident when we embrace positive feedback that boosts our self-esteem while ignoring criticism?that we?perceive as?negative, threatening or damaging.

Naturally, we all prefer to feel validated rather than challenged. However, this inclination leads us to listen selectively, favouring the 'good stuff' and ignoring the rest.?

While this might keep us comfortable, it also hinders our improvement. We stay in our comfort zone instead of stepping into the growth zone, which, however uncomfortable, is where true learning and personal and professional growth occur.

Why do we rail against feedback?

It depends on who is responding to the feedback. Is it your human or your chimp? (see Chimp Paradox by Professor Steve Peters.)?

We all have a human brain, the calm, rational, and logical part of our mind, and we have a chimp brain, the primitive emotional side. The chimp has one role—to keep us safe. When your sixth sense tingles, it tells your chimp something's awry. The chimp goes into overdrive, working out whether to fight, flee, freeze, or make friends. It would be helpful if the human's reasoned arguments of truth, facts, and logic could intervene to prevent the catastrophic perspective of the chimp.

The problem is that your chimp is five times stronger than the human, and he's single-minded and focused on keeping you safe. It takes effort for the human to step in, especially when the chimp controls the blood supply and consumes all the oxygen.?

The chimp's default isn't to stop and think, "I wonder what I can learn from this." His sole focus is on keeping you away from danger. So, in all this furore, we are not listening to the message, not taking notice of what is being said, or noticing the key messages that could help us going forward.

But rest assured, all is not lost.?You are not being held to ransom by your inner chimp,?the human can intervene.

By asking yourself, "Do I want to feel like this?" you can arrest the chimp and allow the human to use truth, facts and logic to calm the chimp and adopt a more balanced response. Thankfully, in today's world, we rarely need to react to a tiger?lurking in the long grass as our primitive ancestors would have.

Who the message is from matters.

Our opinion of the messenger is crucial,?too. If we have a poor?relationship?or no relationship at all, we will likely treat the feedback with contempt, dismiss it, pay lip service to it, and then ignore it.

In my experience, one of the weakest skills limiting performance in business is the ability to give meaningful and purposeful feedback. That means specific and actionable.

Any feedback should include what precisely happened and when, what the impact or consequence was or could be, and an expectation of future action or behaviour change that will avoid it?in the future. Of course, here I am focused on improvement feedback, but the same is true of praise.

Telling me I've done?a good?job is?nice?and makes me feel?good?for a moment, but what exactly can I do with "well done, good job." If you want me to repeat the actions and behaviours, then give me a clue: what?specifically?did I do and when, what was the impact, and what would you like me to continue doing?

Why should all feedback should be considered?

Regardless of its delivery, every piece of feedback holds potential for growth. We choose whether to dismiss it or use it as a stepping stone for improvement. We should forgive the?clumsy?delivery and be curious. By asking for the details and specifics, we can help ourselves get to what's important and give the giver more insight into what makes for good feedback.

Avoid responding or reacting to generalities; it is impossible to do anything with 'good job', 'well done', you did well, 'you could do better', and 'that wasn't good enough.'?

Always adopt a growth mindset, look beyond the message, its delivery or even who it's from, and start from a position - "What can I learn from this feedback?"

Getting proactive and always looking for and asking for feedback will improve your mindset to one that always looks for growth, and you will help those around you level up their feedback skills, too.

Remember, you decide whether to act upon feedback; you're in control.

How to truly embrace feedback:

1. Listen to Understand:?You don't need to acknowledge or respond to feedback in the moment or at all. Focus on the content and context and say "thank you". You can choose what you want to do with it later. It's okay to do nothing if you feel?there is?no value in it. The question is, who's deciding, you or your chimp?
2. Pause and Reflect: If you feel you want, need, or are expected to respond, buy yourself some time. Thank them and ask for some time to process it.?This?helps you separate constructive criticism from mere noise.
3. Seek Clarity: If feedback is vague, ask specific questions to understand the expectations and observations of the giver.
4. Develop an Action Plan: Based on feedback, identify actionable steps for improvement.?These?might include skills development,?behaviour adjustment, or communication style alteration.
5. Regular Check-ins: Periodically review the feedback?you've received to assess your progress and realign your actions as necessary.

Conclusion:?Feedback, while sometimes uncomfortable, is an invaluable part of our professional and personal growth toolkit.?Learning to process and utilise it effectively enhances our skills and relationships and?fosters a more open, growth-oriented workplace culture.

Feedback, often perceived as a daunting aspect of professional interactions, can serve as a pivotal growth opportunity.?In this podcast, Rob and Ricky discuss the emotional rollercoaster that feedback can trigger and emphasise the importance of viewing feedback as a potential gift.

Key Insights from the Podcast:

• Emotional Reactions: Initial reactions to feedback are typically emotional. It's crucial to acknowledge these feelings without letting them cloud our judgment.
• Assessing Fairness: Not all feedback is created equal. It's essential to discern whether the input is a subjective opinion or grounded in objective observations.

Explore More: For?those intrigued by the discussion and wishing to incorporate these insights into their professional lives, engaging with a coach or a mentor can provide tailored guidance and support.

We encourage everyone to listen to the full podcast for a deeper understanding and to explore the nuanced discussions about the impact of feedback in our personal and professional lives. Remember, every piece of feedback is a stepping stone towards personal excellence and professional mastery.

We hope this newsletter?provides you with?the insights and tools to turn feedback into your most?powerful?ally in growth and development.