On Privilege...

This morning my youngest daughter (almost 8 years old) and my wife got into a shouting match.

My wife wanted her to put on proper clothes - my daughter was still wearing her sleeping shirt - and my daughters response was simply: "I don't feel like it."

After 30 minutes of trying to convince my daughter my wife had enough... She first threatened to take away my daugther's iPad and then actually took it away and also cancelled a few other things.

Now, my daughter started to cry... She said: "This is so unfair... You take all of my stuff away. I have a right to have an iPad."

This triggered me and I decided to get involved. Fortunately, my wife and I are a good team so when she saw me starting to get in, she stepped out of that conversation as we do not want to be two adults against one child.

I asked my daughter to stop crying... of course this did not immediately work, but after a few moments she started to calm down.

Then I asked her: "Do you have the right to own an iPad?"

She thought for a moment and responded: "No."

I continued: "Do you have a right to own gym equipment in your house?"

This time she needed less time to think: "No."

Next question: "Do you have a right to live in a house and have your own room?"

Her response came immediately: "No."

Now, for context... I have had similar conversations with all of three of my kids several times.

For me - someone who grew up poor - it is incredibly important that my kids stay humble and know that none of the things they have, should be taken for granted.

The only thing I believe they have a right to is good parents that love them, spend time with them, and try to protect them from harm. This is my duty as a parent.

Everything else - especially all the material stuff - is a privilege.

I asked my daughter: "If you don't have a right to the things we just discussed, what are those things?"

She had forgotten the term 'privilege' and said: "Those are bonus points I get."

"Based on what do you get the bonus points?" I continued...

Her response: "Based on good behavior, helping out at home, and getting good grades in school."

I am aware that many people in the Western world believe that kids do not have to help out at home, do not have to deliver good grades, and do not have to necessarily do what their parents ask them to do.

I completely disagree with that view... I believe that especially privileged children need to learn that everything comes at a cost i.e. there is no such thing as a free lunch and that the most privileged need to be also the ones that take on the most duties.

Muhammad Ali said it well:

"Service to others is the rent you pay for your room her on earth."

By all standards my kids live one of the most privileged lives... a life I could not even dream of when I was their age.

It is not only the technological advancement that I did not foresee, it is all the opportunities they have thanks to the hard work that my parents, my parents-in-law, and also my wife and I put in.

My kids did not earn any of these privileges... they just got lucky being born into this family. Therefore it becomes even more important that they understand their privilege and do something for and with it.

Do not get me wrong, I do not believe that my kids should not have any privilege... after all we (my wife and I) work very hard to ensure they have the life they have.

Yet at the same time, they need to understand that

a) this is not normal, thus not something they have a right to,

b) someone else is putting in the work for them, and

c) they have to seek these privileges as opportunities to create rather than to consume.

As leaders of and within organizations we constantly face people that are not aware of the privileges they have and sometimes we do not see the privileges we have ourselves.

Only if we identify and name these privileges we can stay humble, appreciate those that grant us these privileges, and finally use them as an opportunity to create something that can make other people's lives better.

This is how progress works... it is not only about us, it is about those that came before us, those that will come after us, and yes it is also about us. But all three - past, present, and future - need to be balanced.

Understanding our privilege will give us the ability to balance it better. It will allow us to think beyond ourselves.

The discoveries we make today are based on the discoveries we made in the past and will be the base for discoveries in the future...

Isaac Newton said it well:

"If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants" - Isaac Newton

Every morning, I wake up at 5 am... the rest of my family is then still asleep. I get out of bed, drink a glass of water, and mentally get ready for the day.

I have three questions I ask myself:

1. What am I grateful for?
2. What will I do to make this day a beautiful day?
3. What will I probably learn?

There is no magic in these questions... I picked them so that I systematically remember my privileges, ensure that I understand the power I have, and stay focused on learning.

I get to do something is so much more inspiring than I got to do something.

One is about privilege the other is about being forced to do something.

I believe that most of us primarily get to do stuff but believe we got to do things... making that distinction clear will change your life for the better.

#FromNothingComesNothing