In the privacy of your own mind

... your Truth waits!

• Were you really born to manage health issues?
• Were you born to struggle financially?
• What about the relationship issues? Were you meant to wander the planet wondering … WTF?
• So why were you born?

For more years than I care to count, I believed I was born to … oh, I don’t know … teach people about oils … which didn’t go as I had imagined.

Seriously, who am I to attempt such a thing? I mean, there really wasn’t anything different about my material. I was only regurgitating what I’d learned from some pretty big names in the industry.

Speaking of which, I was on my way to write about the next essential oil for my textbook when I was suddenly inspired to put my energy into this article. My usual comeback is … ‘Uh, no. I had a plan! This can wait.”

Clearly … something shifted …

Why? Because I’m realizing there is more to this existence than what we’ve been bred to believe.

These days, I find conversations fascinating whether I’m witnessing them or directly involved. Tuning in, I consistently detect some degree of disappointment, frustration, agitation, impatience and so forth. This is not a complaint. Nor is it a judgment. Observing the things humans discuss is a priceless gift. I won’t go so far as to call it a favorite pastime, however, I do enjoy it for the simple fact that, if nothing else, I get to learn about myself.

The world is reflecting you to yourself in every breath.

I used to hear that the Universe is constantly speaking to you. I was like .. ‘Where?’

Many people encourage you to pay attention to such signs as feathers, rainbows, and coins. Others empower more options like animals. I happen to get excited over finding heart shaped rocks. So, when one pops up without searching, I am THRILLED! ‘Finally! A sign!’

Needless to say, I spent years thinking I’d been dropped off on this planet to fend for myself. As if the Universe | God wanted me to blindly figure out how to survive AND survive I did! I am damn good at surviving and chances are … you are too!

Where is our gold star?

Regardless, life happened, and I found myself increasingly disturbed by the elephant in the room.

Problems are to be expected:

• dis-ease is a part of life
• relationships are hard
• it sucks getting old
• aging is painful
• money doesn’t grow on trees
• you have to work hard … heck, I was even told, work before play (interpretation: take work seriously, making money is arduous)
• you can’t trust anyone … trust is earned
• loss is inevitable

I can’t speak for anyone else BUT hearing such things left the impression that this existence is more or less a punishment and in order to experience any sense of ease or grace, a person has to prove that they are worthy of receiving such favor.

In a world that focuses outwardly, I spent years looking for ALL the areas I could prove that I was worthy of a break. Doctors, parents, teachers, bosses, friends, partners, husbands, kids … If I had to admit it, I’d say the easiest relationships for me were with my fish.

They weren’t spiteful like my cats or dogs could be. Thinking back, even the horses were cool … nevertheless … we’re here for the full experience!

• loss
• relationship issues
• health problems
• endless hours being a slave to money

HAPPENED.

Where was I going wrong? I was following the ‘rules’ and still coming up short! If I’m not going to be blessed with ease and grace, can I limit my experiences to the easy ones? How about a sign to guide me?

If you’re done reading, I’ll sum it up here … the signs I sought were within. I had the power all along …

If you’d like to know more … we’re diving in

Throughout my life, I learned how to navigate life with different behaviors. I became:

• a perfectionist
• self-involved ~ today, we call this narcissistic tendencies
• greedy
• emotionally manipulative
• dishonest ~ short side note: speaking with a grandmother last night, she shared her grandson is turned to lying. Although a concern, the insight is spot on … he’s lying because he’s tired of getting things wrong and being in trouble. Yes, there are behavioral issues which is unfortunate as they are related to epigenetic changes … however, the dishonesty is how he adapted in order to survive a stressful classroom where he is highly uncomfortable. Why is he uncomfortable? Because he’s not comfortable in his own head and body … adaptation is how all of nature survives, including little humans.

I believe many psychologists and psychiatrists would be delighted to attach a diagnosis or two to at least a few these, and for what … control. Not necessarily in a malicious way … it’s simply the latest standard for keeping a finger on the pulse of society.

You can’t solve a problem with the same thinking that led to the issue in the first place. My issue was control … controlling control produces a greater need to control … and THAT is a big sign.

Control is a means of survival as it is fear based.

For many years, I believed I was being punished. And then I began hearing other people say the very same thing. They felt as if they were being punished by God | the Universe.

I’m curious, how did you feel if you were punished for something.? Today, it’s more politically and psychologically correct to say disciplined. So, for the sake of sensitivity, how did you feel when you were scolded for doing something wrong … besides angry?

• were you afraid?
• were you upset because something had been taken from you?
• did you feel resentful or vengeful?
• how about … threatened?

Reflect on the last one for a moment. What happens when you feel threatened? My guess is you do what you can to ease the discomfort … hence, diagnoses to soothe the discomfort … but not just your discomfort.

Society has developed a mindset that in order for someone to feel happy, someone else needs to change.

However, the root cause of all discomfort is your emotions. Not that their bd or wrong in ANY way. As a collective, we don’t use the energy of our emotions wisely. We don’t value them UNLESS they fall into excitement, joy, pleasure, delight, enthusiasm, and so on. Otherwise, they’re messy and unwanted … even if we don’t admit to this.

Essentially, emotions help us know ourselves. Not knowing your True self … the essence of your being … puts you in the space of insufficiency … also known as poverty.

Welcome to the times of not enough. It’s no wonder there is SO much talk and encouragement around breaking free from scarcity and lack.

By hiding from our emotions, we’re not open to the full experience.

This doesn’t mean you are required to scream and have temper tantrums all damn day. The suggestion is to become curious about what’s going on with you.

• Maybe you
• Maybe it’s due to a culmination of experiences that triggered the same emotion which didn’t align with a certain belief you adopted along the way.
• It’s also possible that your emotions are enmeshed with an identity you assumed at some point in life.

My big one was super good mom.

As a teenager, I was told I would never make people. I was living with PCOS and difficult menstrual issues. Yet, God | the Universe had a different intention despite what human tests and interpretations declared.

For decades, my actions were based on what was going on around me. I had no idea how to stay centered and grounded in my being even after getting started in personal development in 1994.

I heard the words, I read the books. I believed I was living a spiritual life. And, life continued to feed me lemons.

In a nutshell, my journey includes divorces, miscarriages, kidnapping (yup, this was the excruciating experience after both divorces) and nearly 20 years in and out of court to … of all things … prove I was a good mom!

I fought hard and long. I won every time BUT the pain that came with this infiltrated my parenting guidance. It underscored my actions and interactions and even though court was adjourned, I continued to secure my kids approval.

This carried on into their young adulthood with a great many ramifications. They began to distance themselves which most people and psychologists saw as normal , yet my head interpreted it as ‘I’m not enough’. SO, I pushed even harder.

I don’t have to say anymore. I’m confident you have an idea of how this went. Breakdown after breakdown.

Honestly, I didn’t seek therapy. I turned to the only baby I had left. My work as an investigative aromatherapist.

Many of my life experiences helped introduced some incredible skills, like sleuthing and being curious. In this case, I began to wonder how the chemistry of essential oils could help my pain.

I had developed quite a few addictive behaviors to avoid my emotions and had grown weary of my ways. With time and consistency, I made it through.

I saw the light.

What is a good mom?

I was told I would not make people. Clearly, that turned out differently. BUT, I’m not here to walk them through life!

Interestingly enough, I was focused on guiding them to be independent even though I wasn’t aware of it at the time. I remember my youngest taking on something that struck a very weepy nerve in me … my baby boy didn’t need me! A friend of mine gently reminded me that I was raising them to be their own man.

The Truth hurts for beneficial reasons …

I may have faltered along the way. I came packed with all sorts of emotional baggage. And as they grew, I began to realize why they had been placed in my life.

To help me to know mySelf. To learn that I am enough. I have what it takes and when I mess up, I am capable of not only course correcting, but also modeling something more than the same behaviors that have made their way through the generations.

I love them fiercely. They are amazing humans. However, I’m not meant to handhold them or solve their problems. That’s for them to walk through as adults.

Separating myself from the identity of good mom was not easy. I clung to the one thing that God | the Universe gifted me, believing that would fill me up.

Yet, when I finally aligned with mySelf, by daring to invest time in the privacy of my own mind, I found the ease and grace I spent years searching for!

My wish is that we cultivate this awareness in our children. It’s not going to change the beliefs and behaviors they pick up along the way. However, it will give them the beneficial tools for breaking through the break downs.

It encourages them to be curious about their emotions and experiences instead of being afraid to explore.

Go back to the questions posed in the beginning and become curious about the breakdowns in your life? What are THESE signs telling you?

I’d love to hear your thoughts …