Priorities

Did you notice that Tuesday was the summer solstice, the longest day of the year (in the northern hemisphere, that is)? Or were you too busy trying to make it through another week of work (with the best of intentions) that you didn’t have time to pause and notice that we are entering the height of the glorious summer season?

I’ve been writing a lot about spaciousness recently because I believe it’s an essential condition to connecting with yourself and living a full life. So many people I encounter every day have packed calendars – even those who are self-employed with the luxury of being able to decide how much work to take on (how do you know when enough is enough?). There is little room for joy, curiosity, innovation, or even just rest. Sometimes being in conversation with these people feels exciting, as if there is lots of momentum and forward movement. Sometimes the energy of these conversations is more stressful, and I can sense the strain they are under.

The topic of prioritization fascinates me. We all understand the concept in theory (separating what is important vs. urgent, working out what you can delegate or delete) – but we find it so hard in practice. What is it inside of us that makes it so difficult to say no to more work and create some more space in our days? Fear of losing a job? Fear of disappointing someone? Fear that we have no value if we are not working? (As an aside – my favourite book on prioritization is Essentialism, by Greg McKeown. In it, he introduces the ‘hell yeah!’ principle, where if something is not a 9/10 or 10/10 in terms of how excited you feel about it, you should generally just say no. Imagine how different life would be if we lived even 10% more into that principle!)

There are real costs to our collective inability to prioritize. We are unable to be fully present, to take a bigger perspective, to respond rather than react. Our attention is atrophying like an under-used muscle. We stumble through our days with the vague notion that being busy means we are important and needed by others. I’ll never forget a podcast hosted by two of my coaching teachers, Justin Wise and Lizzie Winn, where Justin shared that he is actually NOT busy, a state he actively cultivates. What a relief to hear this from someone for whom I have much respect – permission to NOT be busy, and what becomes possible when we create that space.

This week’s poem, by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer, has been on my mind for the past few weeks. I can see lush trees and flowers in full bloom from my office window, the balmy summer weather calling me outside. I say to myself: “I’ll go outside after I finish these emails, after I get this proposal out, after I make this phone call.” But that’s prioritizing work over life. Soon enough, the days will start getting shorter and colder again. The seasons continue to shift. If you have time this weekend, why not put your phone and laptop away and engage in the world around you? Perhaps your priorities will naturally start to rearrange themselves.

About Friday Pauses

We can all sense how a lack of presence in our daily life affects the quality of our relationships, our ability to form real connections – and yet we struggle to set aside distractions. In my Friday Pauses, I want to encourage us all to do just that – pause for a moment and feel what it’s like to be present by reading a poem.

If you’re new to Friday Pause, here’s what I suggest:

• Minimize or close other screens.
• Put your phone on silent.
• Close your eyes and take a full breath in…and out. Maybe count to four on the inhale and six on the exhale.
• Read the poem below – out loud, if you can. It will slow you down and help you feel the words more.
• Take another deep breath in…and out.
• Resume your day.?