Principles for Success (7) Accept Yourself as Who You Are and Make Progress from There

Do you accept yourself fully, from your heart??

For many years I did not accept myself. I doubted myself and compared myself with others who had things or skills I didn’t have. When I finally accepted myself and stopped comparing myself with others in an unhealthy way, I could focus on learning and improving. I persevered and overcame what I did in part because of this realization.?

Even if you are in a situation that is not ideal, there is hope. Where you are now is not as important as where you are going.

My Map of the World Started with One River

I spent most of the first 18 years of my life within just 5 square kilometers. All I needed to navigate within that space was a river that flows through the east side of my village. This river was so important that two of the villages in the area were named “He Dong”（河东) and “He Xi”（河西), which mean "river east" and “river west”, respectively.

The river in my hometown was my compass. I went to the southwest side of the river for middle school, and I went to the southeast side of the river for high school. We had four farms, three of which were located alongside the river. The three farms alongside the river had their own names based on their locations. The one that was the farthest away from home in the south was called “Nan Yuan” (南园) which means “the south garden.” The one in the middle was called “Dang Zhong Yuan” (当中园) which means “the right-in-the-middle garden." And the one near a bridge on the river was called “Qiao Kou Di” (桥口地) which means “mouth-of-the-bridge farm.” “Di”(地) is a general colloquial term for “land,” “earth” or “farm.”?

Speaking of names containing the word ‘he’ (river), my home province’s name is “He Bei” (河北) which means “river north”, but the river it refers to is a major river in China – the Yellow river. Then for college I went to “He Nan” (河南) province which means “river south.” The province was so named because most of Henan province was located in the south of the Yellow river.

My Struggle to Fully Accept Myself the First Time

In 2004 I moved to a big city (Zhengzhou) in central China for college. It was my first time taking a train and my first time leaving my hometown.?

When I left my village for Zhengzhou, I experienced culture shock despite never leaving my country. I didn’t know how to take a bus or taxi. I didn’t know how to navigate the city. I heard words I never heard before and saw things I never knew existed. I struggled to fully accept myself for who I was.?

By the time I graduated from college, I was familiar with the city. I could almost be called “a local.” I could even speak the local dialect! But rather than staying at the place I had grown comfortable, I uprooted myself, this time to a truly foreign land.

My Struggle to Fully Accept Myself the Second Time

It was the first time for me to go abroad when I went to Australia in 2010 for graduate school. I flew there with an Australian friend I had met in China while running summer camps for Bring Me Hope (BMH).?

Many of the skills I learned for navigating the city Zhengzhou didn't translate to Sydney, and not just because the signs were in a different language! Whereas Zhengzhou was mostly flat and has streets built in a grid, Sydney was hilly, and its streets seemed like spiderwebs. Once again, I struggled to accept myself. I didn’t know where to buy things I needed. I didn’t know how to use the library. I didn’t know most of the food. I didn’t even know I could drink tap water, since in China tap water usually needs to be boiled before drinking.?

Fully Accepting Myself after Seeing the World?

By the end of 2015, after having visited many of the major cities in the world, some of which were also built next to rivers, I fully accepted myself. By then, I was able to navigate in a new city in a new country with a smartphone regardless of whether I speak their language or not. By going to large international academic conferences, I was well-connected with the entire world!?

For example, by going to the 14th International Pragmatics Conference in Antwerp, Belgium, I met about a thousand scholars from hundreds of universities from 40+ countries. Presentations covered topics about language use in any conversational setting I could think of - political speeches, language use in the healthcare sector, workplace etc. I also took the opportunity to tour several European countries in the conference trip and visit some old friends I made when I was a college student in China.

I learned how to navigate London by the River Thames, Paris by La Seine, Sydney by the Paramatta River, and Washington, D.C. by the Potomac River. From navigating around my village with a small river to navigating the world’s many large metropolitan cities, I noticed the commonality among human beings - we all need water!

I Accept Myself and I Can Learn?

One of the ways I overcame my feelings of inferiority was by telling myself: “I accept and believe in myself. What I don’t know, I can learn. If others are ahead, I can catch up.”?

Today, when I receive feedback that points out my weaknesses or shortcomings, what I don’t know, what I’m not familiar with, or things I don’t understand, I usually tell people “I accept myself and I can learn.” This statement has helped me solve many problems. When I was “that bad,” I felt happy that I was ONLY going to get better in the future. It’s like when I was living in poverty, among the poorest of the poor, I looked ahead and felt extremely hopeful and happy – because tomorrow was ONLY going to get better. Life was only going to get better! This is a simple way to think positively and to stay happy every day.?

Are you in a tough situation? Are you struggling to accept yourself? Maybe you can try telling yourself “I accept myself and I can learn.” You can fully accept yourself as who you are – a unique human being bestowed with talents. You can learn and catch up and keep tapping your potential. If you are in a tough situation, tomorrow is ONLY going to get better.

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Principles for Success (8) - Aim to Become a Giver, not Just to Make a Living