Principal Has Nuts and Rats

By

?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Bruce Conrad Davis

I was the principal of the Monterrey Vista School in the Garvey District when the school cook reported her concern. She thought there were rats in the kitchen. She asked me to look at the “evidence.”

In the kitchen she pointed to little pieces of something on the counter. She thought they might be rat droppings. Well, droppings, poop or shit it is what it is. I called Carl King, the district director of maintenance.

“Bruce, I'll call the Colonel and have him come out and take a look.” Carl said.

“Colonel?” I replied.

“ Colonel Faber, retired Army. He’s the man we call when we have a pest problem.”

The following afternoon the Colonel, about the size of a racehorse jockey, arrived carrying a small brown paper bag. On the walk to the kitchen I filled him in. There I showed him the three little pieces of what ever they were.

Standing tall, which was still short, he eyed the little bits. He opened his paper bag. He took out a number two yellow pencil. Meticulously, he nudged each little bit before throwing the pencil in the trashcan beside the counter.

He picked up one of the bits. He rolled it between his thumb and forefinger. He brought it close to his nose and took a sniff. He repeated the process with the other two pieces.

“ It’s an interesting case but not unusual. You've got a mother rat and her two babies.”

“ Really,” I said.

“You’ll need to bait three rat traps with whole unshelled walnuts. Place one trap on the floor by the stove, one at the base of the counter and the third trap by the door to the fridge.”

“That’s it?’ I said.

“That should do it.” He said.

I walked him to the front door of the school. I thanked him for his work and said goodbye.

Then he saluted me. I returned his salute. Thank God I had attended military school.

I stopped at Brackenberry’s Hardware Store on the way home and bought three traps. I crossed the street to Groceries Galore and purchased a bag of out of season expensive walnuts.

The next afternoon I asked our night custodian to set the traps. In the morning we had three dead rats. One was large. Two were small.

I was amazed and impressed.? The Colonel knew his nuts and rats.

Time marched on.? A month later in the board minutes I read the approval of the rat consultant expenditure. $300.