PRIDE: Are your words invisible?

This Pride Month I’ve had the phrase “Visible Words” rolling around in my head, which is an expression coined by Augustine.? He used the expression to describe the difference between saying words, even powerful words of meaning – which are temporal; versus the importance of embodying those words with action.? In seeing temporal words enacted, we see and feel the meaning differently.? And often much more deeply.

This Pride Month – with the polarization that continues to plague our beautiful country – I am curious about my Visible Words; what actions can I take to demonstrate my specific beliefs around inclusion, hospitality and that all are welcome. ?Through decades of advocacy for and with various employee groups, I’ve learned that actions, not just words, are essential for marginalized populations to feel seen, feel safer, feel less alone.

As I was thinking about "Visible Words", I realized that many times in my career leaders around me have taken action, Visible Words, to demonstrate their value of having ME in the workplace.? One experience stood out –

In the early days of my career, things were not quite as hospitable as they are today for working parents.? Expectations to be in the workplace long hours, despite sick babies, or other working parent challenges were commonplace.? “If you don’t like it, there’s the door.”? It was in this context that I came to 英特尔 , who espoused very different values - with lengthy parental leave, childcare support, amongst many other benefits. ?Their words, policies implied a much more supportive embrace of being a parent, significantly before it was normative to do so. ?However, it was the Visible Words I wanted to experience, after all actions demonstrate culture and real values – not words and policies. I was keenly attuned to see whether there was meat behind the paltry bones of policies.?

It was during this time that my second child became very ill.? Imagine a perfectly healthy, beautiful 15 month old girl on a Thursday, to on life-support with ? of her lungs full of fluid on a Sunday.? ?Some of you likely don’t have to imagine – you’ve been through this.? On that Monday, I let my boss, Chi Miller , and team know what was going on and that I didn’t know when I would be back to the office.

Chi’s Visible Words were profound – He cleared his calendar for the afternoon, he and his spouse came down to the hospital and spent a long, long afternoon just sitting with me and my partner in the PICU waiting room.? Nothing to be done; as doctors performed putting a port in her heart for rapid medicine delivery, putting in her trach, putting her into a medical coma so she would stop trying to rip out her trach, tying her chubby little arms to the infant PICU bed to keep her from flailing in response to her struggle… Nothing to do, but wait.? And so – they sat – they sat with us that long afternoon and just held space for our worry and grief.

As days turned into weeks, Chi encouraged me to take leave – just unplug.? But this was not what my heart wanted.? There was only so long I could sit watching my child, in a coma, struggling to live.? I asked if I could come to the office 2-3 hrs a day – just to get my mind off things.? Chi and my whole team met my needs- they pivoted my daily responsibilities, carving off some menial tasks for me to do every day – keeping me busy as it were, but they took over the rest of my responsibilities.

Chi's Visible Words -

• Cancelling a days' meetings = pretty easy
• Juggling a team and taking on my responsibilities = Not super easy
• Sitting with a parent who might be losing their child = heart-wrenchingly impossible

She ended up surviving – and after 4 long months – we returned to our lives of prior days.? But I was forever etched in many, many ways, but one profound one was the power in the actions – the Visible Words – of inclusion and accommodation that I received during that dark period.

As it turned out, the company didn’t fall apart with my absence.? :P All to the contrary, the team did GREAT.? They were given growth opportunities, excelled, which led to long term restructuring of our responsibilities.? It was a win-win for all. And my daughter is a heathy, strong, brilliant, funny, soccer playing young woman.

As we reflect on #Pride month this 2024, some folks are honestly scared.? They are.? They need all of us, me and you, to offer Visible Words – not just spoken words – of inclusion, safety and hospitality.? ?ACTIONS.

·?????? How do you lead that enables all to feel safe and respected?

·?????? How are you vulnerable, such that others know it is ok to be vulnerable too?

·?????? How do you meet the diverse needs of your team such that they feel embraced for who they are and what they care about?

ACTIONS – like lifting up voices; showing up at your employees’ events, supporting their leadership roles; advocating and mentoring; volunteering; listening. ?Whatever your Visible Words are – know that they are seen.? I’d encourage you to be even bolder in your actions, push yourself, be punchy, get out there, take some risk!? People need it.? They will see it. And your organization will be healthier for it.? My commitment to my people? - I will do my best to be bold, to show up, hold all to account, and drive the embrace and hospitality you hope to see.

To read Melissa’s ’23 piece on Why she is an advocate -https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/why-pride-matters-me-melissa-evers/?trackingId=Tx8n4sBbQ5y3VbN6etkOuQ%3D%3D