Pride versus True Leadership

“A humble man is not afraid of failure. In fact, he is not afraid of anything, even himself, since perfect humility implies perfect confidence in the power of God.”

— Thomas Merton

Firstly, what is Pride?

Pride derives from the French word “prud,” which is a late Old English word variously translated as “excellent, splendid, arrogant, haughty.” It is thought that “having a high opinion of oneself” might reflect the Anglo-Saxons opinion of Norman knights who called themselves “proud.”

Other definitions: A feeling that you are more important or better than other people.

But being proud is a trap. You set yourself up for misery. Here are some biblical wise words:

Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor.

Business tends to follow the Golden rules, and many of those things stated are rooted in Christian teachings from the bible. The reason: it's not just historic, but actually the old biblical sayings are true, and they work. That's why no matter how much we try to drive them away they haven't gone away completely. And many humanistic values are biblically based anyway, they just won't admit it for pride's sake.

Why the biblical standpoint really works:“Scoffer” is the name of the arrogant, haughty man who acts with arrogant pride.

As you can see, a the bible states that a proud person also tends to be contemptuous. It's not merely that they are proud of their achievements in a healthy way, but they look down upon others. A Scoffer is one who mocks or jeers at others. They may for example, continually bring up how others are stupid, or laugh and mock at anything that looks unwise, hence trying to send a message that they are so much better.

How does it look to others?

I've dealt with being in the midst of scoffers who point out the stupidity in everyone around them, and it not only feels highly negative, but it wrecks of neediness. It appears desperate like their self-esteem is low and needs other people to both praise them and to feel lower than them. You get a sense that they probably laugh at you too behind your back thinking they are superior, and it really leaves you feeling disgusted because that's exactly what they are doing.

Biblical statement: Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.

I'm not talking about false humility where a person pretends that praise doesn't affect them or pretends they are embarrassed, and oh what a surprise when they get some! It's when people are not looking for praise that it really is most honorable to them. If they constantly undermine themselves saying "it was nothing, it was no problem' while being praised, that's false humility. Of course, they were looking for some praise if they answer like that!

Truly, when people are not looking for praise their answer would be more caring such as "I am so glad to have been of help!" stated in a very genuine tone. When people are not looking for praise, they aren't looking for praise and it's not the first thing they see when you praise them. the best answer is thank you, or, I'm glad you're enjoying this, or I'm so glad I've helped. Those answers let a person know that they weren't shallowly seeking honour, but actually trying to do something helpful and good. Honour follows you, you don't have to bring it out through attention-seeking actions.

 If too much of our attention goes toward accomplishing bigger and better things in order to feel good, then we become addicted to external sources of gratification. That's the definition of a Narcissist.

We don’t have to prove anything to anybody, or even to ourselves if we have a healthy self-esteem. We don't need a supply of praise and honour to keep our spirits going.

Biblical saying: Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.

What's more important? I would say living in harmony, builing a community is much more of a wise saying to the world than to tell everyone to seek self-importance! When we seek to be better than others, we seek to harm others. When we seek to live in harmony, we learn to identify with people, and to make life peaceful. Then we all excel together!

The prudent ignore insults: ...and I am not trying to give myself a pat on the back, but I'm not weak because I ignore insults. I am looking to build others. This is a big part of leadership is to be happy about other people's growth. I'm not trying to set myself up as a leader, but it's come to my attention that leaders seek to teach, to support and to build others, not cut them down, find faults, and reject them! Or throw them out the door.

Yet your correction can sometimes make people think that it was your intent to reject them. Actually, they would be how they think not you!

It's been unfortunate for me that I met very few true leaders. A true leader will support everyone. But I have met a few, and I wish they have gotten the support and honour they deserved. But that's the thing, secretly they are being honoured. the proud will not honour them, but the wise will!

Proud people smell an honourable person a mile away and don't like it. Anything that distracts from their dignity, is an enemy. Even if that person isn't looking for honour, or to steal a spotlight. They just wanted to do a good job. And that leads to internal satisfaction. That's why, if people drive me away, I still feel good that I did a great job. It leaves you with the same self-esteem you came with. And no one can take that away from you!

You know you've met a fool when they talk all day about how great they are, and never listen to anyone's advice. Whether it be a boss who has the authority or another colleague, those who don't take advice usually fail in their doings. This foolish self inflated-ness comes in many forms: talking on the phone loudly to loud speak your importance, making sure everyone hears your lofty conversation, talking about things around you in contempt, honouring yourself by putting others down, being a harsh judge.

The bible says this: The wise of heart will receive commandments, but a babbling fool will come to ruin.

You've heard the statement that the greatest leader is the greatest follower. They know how to implement good advice. The greatest leaders in history had advisers.

You know you met a fool when, they think they have the best way for everything, and they dismiss anything you try to tell them, even if all you did was care. When they downgrade you for being helpful. Or treat you like you were a lowly person put there to bow to them, saying: Thanks for augmenting moi!

Pride is Shame driven. A person doesn't look for honour unless they are innately ashamed. Here's a secret to the proud: haughtiness shines a floodlight on that shame on anyone who hears them. Yes, honouring yourself has the opposite effect! It makes people think LESS of you. Another word for it is "self qualifying".

I know sometimes we need to point out our qualifications for others who are blind. I can have a resume filled with all my accomplishments and if someone doubts me, I can point to that, but that's not the same as self qualifying. Self qualifying is beggarly.

We’ve all been repelled by people who have an inflated view of themselves. They may talk about themselves excessively and rarely show interest in others. They never ask how you are, they change the topic if it ever comes to something about you abruptly in a very uninterested way. They try to make you feel like you don't fit in, they talk over top of you, constantly interrupting you. Yes indeed, it's important to fit in and try to talk about subjects people like, but when the subject always has reverted to being all about YOU, and not just things, that's when, it's not that a person doesn't fit in, it's that the people are being conceited and downright rude. They pump themselves up and come across as snooty, exuding an attitude that makes others feel judged. But here's the real judgement.

Criticizing others is self-defense. It's really noticeable when you self-inflate, it demonstrates to others that you have poor self-esteem. It's the poorest defence there is! This is different than defending yourself, by the way. I mean when you mock and jeer and criticize as if others are such fools compared to your grandness. I don't mean, having a voice.

When a proud person has flaws, they hate those mistakes to be pointed out. It brings out a viciousness you don't want to be around. There is a real hatred towards you if you notice a Narcissist's shortcomings, and it drives them to lash out at you. This is because their "greatness" is their identity. They see their whole sense of self as hanging on this. And it happens to be a very fragile thing to rely on since we are all human and we all make mistakes! They can never apologize for what makes their identity, and that's why proud people can never say sorry or admit foolishness. To say sorry is to discard themselves. to admit to being less than perfect, to admit they are not that superior after all, they don't do that! They see themselves as highly valuable and you are the one that can be discarded. It's self-defence since, they know deep in their heart, that aren't any better than anyone else. They are just as discardable.

The bible talks about it like this:

Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning. Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you.

That's right. To rub it in, the humble people who take some instruction, start to excel! And humble people are the ones that Narcissists love to think are lower them.

If you try to help a mocker or try to correct them, they will hate you, and actually seek to hurt you. It hurts them so much to be exposed as a fool, mostly that they themselves are the stupid (unknowledgeable), and need to be shown a better way. They will seek to harm you so that they can laugh at YOU. But...first, you weren't seeking to laugh at them. A truly helpful person doesn't have that kind of intention in their heart. They should come to realize, when they are found out, it's their own fault.

Biblical statement:

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.

The crooked have an insecure life. They always need to hide and protect their lies to keep up their conceit. And they think it's pretty funny that they get away with things or that people don't know. But they DO know. The truth always does come out, and wise people see right through you from day 1, and when it does:

BEFORE PRIDE COMETH A FALL.

That means, when you are at the heights of enormous pride, that's when you fall. That's the trap. The trap you made for yourself ensnares you. And it's a miserable lesson for a proud person. It can truly cause immense suffering, and then, possibly enlightenment, but sometimes, just plain old feeble self-pity, and victim-blaming. Because they blame their victims for their own mistakes as a way to be in denial.

When pride is a substitute for dignity, it will hurt you in the end. First, it disconnects you from others and pushes people away. It breeds controversies, it breeds quarrels. It's restless and never satisfying.

The most honourable way to be is to be kind to everyone. Looking out first for your neighbour, and even those who think are so beneath you. You must create equity around you. That's how you become a leader. Don't set your hopes on uncertainty, but look to the well being of others. Even if it's self-sacrificial, that's what creates true honour and that's what creates peace around you. That's a true leader.

Biblical saying: Greater love hath no man, than when he sacrifices his own life for his brother.

Remember this in your business, and you will be remembered for greatness. Even if you aren't looking for that, which, you shouldn't!

So now you know, true honour is love. Greatness is always in love for mankind.

Biblical saying: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.