Pride Month — A Father's Perspective

June is Pride Month. Those associated with the LGBQT+ community rally around it. Corporations often wrap themselves in it. Yet, candidly, I never fully appreciated the movement until it impacted me.

I’m a Caucasian man in my fifties. My pronouns are he/him. Some would say I’ve lived a privileged life free from intolerance and injustice. In the big picture, they would be correct. Despite knowing this, I never truly proactively advocated for the Pride cause. I believed in your freedom to be true to yourself, and love whomever you choose to love. However, I was always grateful that my kids would never have to carry the societal burden of being branded gay, or trans, or non-binary, or queer, or two-spirited, etc.?

We often talk about mental health here on this platform. What’s interesting is that I never see that cause tied back to issues like gender identification or sexual orientation. However, our rejection of those in the Pride movement leads to serious mental health challenges, often ending in suicide. Why is one okay to acknowledge but we avoid the other?

Have you met my child?

My son had a rough time in school. He was brilliant. He was funny. He was brave. He was also cutting himself. He was misunderstood. He was scorned by his school peers. And he had a plan to end his pain. We knew some of this, but not everything. We got him help. But we didn’t fully understand what was going on. Finally, after a very dark time we got a diagnosis from some mental health professionals — the doctors believed he was suffering with gender dysphoria. Yeah, full disclosure, I had to look that up.

At that moment in time, what does a parent, or a friend, or a teacher, or a church family do? For many, they turn their backs on them, or they try to fix them, or they quote scripture, rather than simply supporting them. This is why the LGBQT+ suicide rate is so high. But for a few of us, we come to a very quick realization — if we love and accept our child as they are then they will live, or if we reject them and they eventually implement their plan then they will die. My wife and I chose love. We chose life. Honestly, there was never any other choice. My kid means more to me than anything else. I knew, with that diagnosis, that my child was going to have a tough life. I knew that their mother and I would similarly be judged. It didn’t matter. My kid was alive and their story was just starting to be told.

Being diagnosed with gender dysphoria is not the same as understanding it or accepting it. It’s a journey of discovery. My son started to understand they were trans. But the struggle to announce it publicly almost killed them. Why? Because of the fear of being rejected by your family. What many don’t understand is that there are numerous groups on social media, or on Discord, that share personal experiences and try to support one another. What these people will tell you is that the overwhelming reaction from families is that of rejection. My child simply assumed we would do what they believed all of the others did. It sounds illogical to me, because clearly my child should know I love them, yet that was their belief because that’s what others were experiencing. And because of that, my child suffered in more depression and anxiety for months.

I’ll skip the steps of discovery for brevity, but eventually through tears and sobs and hyperventilating, my son came out to us as my daughter. Braeden was their dead name. Eliza was their?chosen name moving forward. She named herself. She took control of her destiny.?

That summer, my wife and I did the family tour across many cities where we talked to every grandparent, and every aunt and uncle, and we personally walked them through Eliza’s journey. When the circuit was done, every single person not only embraced her, but they proactively engaged with her to let her know she wasn’t alone and that they still loved her. I’m crying as I write this because it was just as important to me that my family accept my trans daughter, like her mother and I did, and they didn’t let us down. While that shocked me, candidly, it blew my daughter’s mind. From that point on her demeanour changed dramatically.

My daughter is happier. Substantially happier. She’s comfortable in her own skin for the first time in her life. The change is remarkable. And it’s sustained. She’s been out as trans now for several years. She’s married. Her career has exceeded her wildest expectations. In other words, her choice to be true to herself allowed her to pursue her dreams. What’s even more crazy is that she never thought she’d live to see 20-years old because of her situation. She only allowed herself to dream about her future once she was true to herself and lived authentically.

People often ask me if I've noticed a difference in my daughter because of this transition. The answer is an unequivocal YES. The before and after speaks for itself. It's undeniable. All of this just proves to me that being trans is not a choice. It’s biological. It’s no different than being right-handed or left-handed.?Our ability to choose our sexual identification or gender orientation is no more voluntary than our ability to choose our skin colour or our ethnicity.

Employers Need to Adapt

And all of this brings me back to my original point of this article. June is Pride Month. We have an obligation to our staff and colleagues to support them and encourage them. They need a loud voice to educate those who don’t understand them. They need and deserve our advocacy. I didn’t understand that a few years ago, but I do now.?

What are you doing to make your work environment a safe space? What are you doing to be an equal-opportunity employer? What are you doing to encourage diversity in your hiring? I’ll be the first to say I’m not doing enough. And I’ll be the first to say I need more education from the Pride community to make me a better person and a better employer. June is a great time to start to make those changes. Don’t just wrap yourself in the Pride flag. Instead, immerse yourself in the Pride movement. Be an advocate. Be an ally. Be a friend. Be a place of refuge. Be the person that makes a difference.

A few parting notes

My daughter approved this article before I posted it. That includes her blessing on the use of her previous pronouns and on my usage of her deadname. She also affirmed the overwhelming despair and despondency experienced as a result of the fear of rejection, or the fear of politically motivated legislation that targets them. As such, she suggested I remind people that there is help there if you simply reach out.

TransLifeLine.org?

• USA - 877-565-8860
• Canada - 877-330-6366

TalkSuicide.ca

• Canada - 833-456-4566

SuicidePreventionLifeline.org/help-yourself/lgbtq/

• USA - 800-273-8255