Pride-In-Self vs Seeking Pride

I’ve been a guy who is looking for recognition, to feel validated. Always through my work and my actions. Meaning, that did what I say was going to happen when we did X actually happen? Always through my actions and implementation.

There’s a funny thing that happens when you chase these types of accolades. First, you’ll do some really cool things. You’ll do big races, go after hard challenges and accomplish some cool things. At least it’s been that way for me. I’ve gone after these monster challenges and come back with more finishes and wins in my book than losses.

Are there holes in my game? Yes, there are plenty. In the racing world, it's not having a 100-miler under my belt. The question recently asked of me is what lessons am I taking with me from each area? Do I have my priorities aligned, or am I focusing too much on this single goal of 100 miles?

Honestly, it is one of the best questions that’s been asked of me in a long time. Truth is, I don’t have an answer. It is one that I’m going to have to sit with for a while. It’s something that I’m not prepared to answer. At least the answers that I have aren’t completely formed.

On one hand, when I examine myself and the reasons for doing what I’m doing is to challenge myself and see what I’m made of. There is another side to doing these challenges, not for myself, but for the recognition of doing them.

Would I care to do the race if I could not share it with anyone? Would the experience in and of itself be worth doing it? Looking at it through this lens shares a different light and begs a different question. Is doing something worth doing, even if no one else is watching?

How much outside noise do we have in our own minds telling us what we should and shouldn’t do? How much influence do we have from others on what our mission should be? The path we walk should be based on our own choices. The question becomes is your path your choice?

Now, I’m not talking about the influence of God and the voice in your head telling you that you must go on one mission or another. I’m speaking of societal influences on what you are doing. What changes should you be making to your life based on your core beliefs?

I do not have these answers. As you can tell, I too am searching for the answers. Asking these questions and sitting with the answers that come to you will give you direction. It’s going to take a while in most cases and it won’t be instantaneous. I know it isn’t for me.

And I can see that it changes over time too. What once drove me, doesn’t drive me quite the same today. My reasons for doing things have changed too. I did a lot of things to prove that I could. Now, I do it to prove I can, but I also do it to see what I’m made of. To find the answer to who I am. What am I made of and do I have what it takes?

Answers like this don’t come easy. It’s going to take a lot more work, a lot more time, and a lot more thought to get even close to an answer.