Pride 2024: My Reflections As An Ally

When I first took on the role of Executive Ambassador for the LGBTQ+ community at Sage (three years ago!) I was quite uneducated. I didn’t know a lot about the lived experience of people from this community, and I was timid in the way I approached the issues that affected them.??

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I took on the role because of my family, some members of which are LGBTQ+, and I wanted to show up for them as a loud and vocal ally. And I’m very glad I took that initial step – it has been a journey, but taking on this role has allowed me to widen my horizons; and build on my relationships with my family, with my Sage colleagues and beyond.?

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But it wasn’t easy. At the beginning, I was hesitant to take on such a visible role for a community whose experience I didn’t understand. Looking back, I see that my hesitation to jump on board had less to do with my support, or lack thereof, of the LGBTQ+ community, and more to do with my own comfort -- not wanting to ask the wrong question or say something insensitive by mistake. I’m writing this today, as we close out another Pride Month, to share my experiences with other future allies who may be where I was a few years ago. Here are some tips from me on how to make the jump, if you’re feeling stuck.?

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Define your why. For me, it is my family, as I mentioned. But your “why” may be different – it may be a close friend, or it may be the time you saw someone being bullied for being LGBTQ+, or it may be because you want to use your position to advocate for marginalized communities in general. Those are all good reasons to start – but defining your specific “why” will be key to helping you along on the journey of allyship.??

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Remember – it's not about you. This may sound harsh but there will be times when you’re uncomfortable, and your instinct will be to disengage. But to be an effective ally, you must decentre yourself -- easier said than done, but it’s worth it – and focus on the community you are looking to advocate for. One of my biggest lessons learned from my engagement with LGBTQ+ people is how much courage it takes them to come out, to transition, to live authentically in the world. Whatever little courage it takes us allies is nothing in comparison. Remembering that courage always helps me when I get nervous about how I’m showing up.?

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Educate yourself. Being an ally is something you can start doing right away, no matter your role, seniority level, or how many LGBTQ+ people you may even know in your immediate community. You can start by educating yourself through the many resources available to you – follow the work of organizations like GLAAD , Human Rights Watch and Trans in the City (a Sage partner); read books like Transitional by Munroe Bergdorf ; watch speakers like Pips Bunce; or attend the meetings held by LGBTQ+ groups in your workplace or your neighbourhood. I have learned so much from just showing up and listening, and I’m grateful for all the time and thoughts of everyone who has shared their experiences, which has allowed us to learn.?

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You will make mistakes – that is OK. I have made mistakes in my allyship journey, and I don’t know of any allies who haven’t. But I’ve also learned that intention matters, and if you are showing up with authenticity and humility, your mistakes will be taken in stride. No one is expecting perfection, but effort is the bare minimum. Moreover, you will emerge a stronger ally because of your mistakes, not despite them, and that is a good reason to keep going.?

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I am not a perfect ally by any means, but I’ve also abandoned the quest to be one – I don’t think a perfect ally exists. Instead, I try to show up with a curious mind and an intention to do my bit to make our communities – especially within the tech industry – more LGBTQ-friendly than when I found it. Jarvis Sam, the CEO at The Rainbow Disruption, whose mission is to partner with organizations to develop practical solutions that champion DEI in the workplace, gave a talk to our employees at Sage. He explored with us why individuals often feel the need to cover parts of their identities, and the profound effects that this has on their well-being and productivity. Jarvis showed us that by understanding these dynamics, we can begin to dismantle the barriers that prevent full self-expression and in doing so we can create a more inclusive and supportive environment. ?

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Pride may have started to provide space for LGBTQ+ people to feel, look and embrace their full, authentic selves, but it is time that we start to take just as much pride in a vision for the world where they are not just tolerated, but celebrated.??