The Price of Success Requires Us to Wear Criticism Like A Flannel Shirt, by Marc LeVine

""There is only one way to avoid criticism:?do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing." - Aristotle"

There are people who think they are the greatest and people who feel inferior to all they meet.?Shouldn't we all be smack-dab in the middle of humanity’s “bell curve,” but bell curves don’t work that way and neither do populations. We're all flawed in different ways and self esteem is like a thermometer that continuously rises and falls. The fact that there are all kind of extremes when it comes to self-esteem makes for a world that includes many, who struggle to give and take criticism. It is not an easy thing to do and even terrifying for some!

Like a knife with a very sharp blade, criticism cuts into, goes deep and then tests our innate ability to calmly discuss our mistakes and ways to avoid them in the future.? Insecure people often struggle when attempting to offer and/or accept criticism, because they may believe themselves unworthy and too anguished to handle either situation. “Who am I to criticize another?” Or “why am I being singled out and picked on?”?These are often what is heard from those on either hot seat.

Perhaps, Jack Nicholson’s character in “A Few Good Men,” said it best, when he told Tom Cruise’s that he “couldn’t handle the truth.”?Some people just can’t accept that they have human flaws and that not all criticisms are indictments of their characters or other good traits.?Usually, professional criticisms are not directed at a person, but at whatever situation(s) requires that corrective action be taken.?Receiving criticism makes no one a bad or inferior person. ?In fact, we often call it constructive criticism, because we want to help build someone up – to do better next time.?The intent should never be to tear anyone down. That's mean-spirited and counterproductive.

Still, many take criticism far too personally and react negatively after receiving it. This is more symptomatic of low emotional intelligence and immaturity.?It could be a number of personality imperfections fueling their anger and insecurities that sometimes are accompanied by hostile reactions after receiving criticism.?In extreme cases, those struggling with self-concept issues might wish to seek out professional assistance.?

So, what is necessary to deal with criticism in a calm and acceptable manner?

1. Avoid being defensive.?Listen carefully with an open mind to what each criticism is and reconcile each point without overacting to whomever is offering the criticism.?You are very likely NOT under attack.

2. Take a Deep Breath.?You can’t process information and possibly learn something about a situation when you are already preparing your defensive rebuttal.

3. Listen only to understand.?You are NOT being compelled to defend the honor of your ancestors if you get criticized for making a mistake. ?You don’t want to repeat an avoidable error, so listen and learn how to do better next time.

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4. ?Apologize for your part.?It take a much bigger person to admit a mistake than to beat up on someone trying to help you avoid the next one.?Say you are sorry and thank the other person for helping you succeed in the future.

5. Let the critical or angry person know that you will continue to think about the conversation.?Sometimes we need to separate ourselves from the criticism to process it. ?It’s never a good idea to blow up in the moment and strike out.?Better to create a pause and reconvene after the heat of the moment has passed.

5. Don’t listen when you can’t.?Arrange a better time to discuss a critical matter that allows for and open and frank discussion and at which time only calm heads prevail.

6. Speak your own truths.?You can offer a different perspective on a point of contention after hearing the other person fully out and being somewhat introspective.?Think before you speak and be tactful and respectful of those who might still disagree and stick with their original criticism.?Disagree without being disagreeable.

7. Draw the line at insults. ?Neither side of a criticism deserves insults. When insults are being flung, it is time to back away and agree to regroup when all sides are over their hostilities. ?

After receiving normal and tactful criticism, just move on. It never pays to dwell on it. But, it DOES pay to learn from it.

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The Author

Listen to Marc's latest interview on “Failing for You” with Jordan Yates

Marc LeVine is a graduate of Syracuse (NY) University with a degree in Industrial Psychology, Marc is currently Talent Acquisitions and Learning and Development Lead at Thermo Systems. He is the recipient of the Excellence in Talent Acquisitions Award from HR Awards in 2021.

His prior employment includes senior Human Resources and Staffing Industry management roles with Edgewood Properties in Piscataway, NJ, Brickforce Staffing in Edison, NJ, InfoPro Inc. in Woodbridge NJ and Plainsboro, NJ and Harvard Industries in Farmingdale, NJ, a former Fortune 500 company. He also served as Director of Human Resources for New Jersey Press, the parent company of the Asbury Park Press, Home News and Tribune and WKXW-NJ101.5. Earlier in his career, Marc served as Director of Career Services and Placement at Union Technical Institute in Eatontown and Neptune, NJ. In addition, Marc owned and operated Integrity Consulting Associates, a New Jersey based Human Resources and Social Media Marketing firm for 11 years. Marc also served as Council President in his hometown of Freehold Borough, NJ