Pretending to be yourself?

I had (and still have) the constant fear that people would find out that I’m not really allowed to be here in my career. It’s all a fabrication because I don’t feel like I have the pedigree to be here.

I suffered, I think, from imposter syndrome. That is, according to wiki; Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a concept describing individuals who are marked by an inability to internalise their accomplishments and have a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.

Anything that causes stress and anxiety usually has a name, but for many years I didn’t know what to call the way I was feeling. I wasn’t depressed or sad, I wasn’t struggling at work, I just had this nagging feeling that I was going to be found out as a fraud, an imposter. My internal monologue was born from me being insecure about not having completed a formal education and having not come from any background typical of someone in my position – and – measuring my self against others who appear to be successful.

It plagued me for years (and still creeps in), until I saw Mike Cannon-Brooks’ Ted Talk, I really had no idea that this was a thing – I believed it was just something that I would have to just lump everyday. As I reflect on my career, I can see where this fear lead me to make some poor decisions. A poor decision was to study a short course in accounting, thinking that it would look good on my résumé, or if the village came looking for me at least I would have some indication of credibility. Another poor decision, that was a constant, was to act and dress differently to cover the fraud. My poorest decision was to fake-it-till-you-make-it. None of these decisions are necessarily bad things, but in hind sight, none of them mattered. What mattered was what I did, nothing more and nothing less.

How I dealt (deal) with it:

I take stock:

Although working in an organisation means I’m surrounded by people, often when I’m trying to assess my relevance or place in the world professionally I can feel quite alone.

I take a page from the sporting world – the numbers don’t lie – and like many athletes and teams, no one cares how you did it, its that you did it (performance enhancing and cheating aside).

Know your KPIs and treat them like a players stats – if you’re good at what you do, then your row on the season stat sheet should be impressive. This creates, for me, a feeling of belonging to the team without having to tell them why I belong. And when asked I just rattle off my numbers and don’t need to draw attention to my insecurities of not having an education or technical skill-set.

My reminder to myself “its not how you did it, its that you DID it”. A hole in one is a hole in one, even if the ball bounces of a tree and into the hole. The number remains – 1

Play to your strengths and call out your weaknesses:

Maybe this falls into the personal brand category (something I don’t really subscribe to) but I have found that offering to giveaway the things I do well to others helps build an authentic view of me – thus abating the imposter mentality altogether. I offer to give or exchange my skill-set with peers that often lead to a trade for skills that address my weaknesses. For example I will do a presentation in exchange for some help with an RFP.

I call out my weaknesses to my team, but as above, address them more like a locker-room talk at half time. We know what we need to do more and less of, and as a team we can usually call on members to do different things to get it done. “They’re faster than me, so you go ahead and I’ll pass”.

The bullets:

• Have a good knowledge of your KPIs – a real imposter will not hit the numbers.
• Offer the things that you do well.
• Remember that no one cares about how you got there unless you suck. Don’t suck.
• Talk about it - the most important part.

Final thoughts:

I often think about why people do MBAs – not saying there isn’t value in it, but I question, from my own experience, the intention. Is it to learn or build credibility “It will look good on your résumé”. Maybe both, but that time building credibility could’ve been spent wining a championship. And winners don’t need résumés, they need agents.

Now I don’t give any time to things that don’t directly contribute to me, my colleagues and customers success. I rarely wear a suit or pretend that I’m uber successful. I don’t bother explaining why I’m there, I’m there already. I focus on the things that matter. And this leaves me feeling like I’m legit – I put up the numbers, I do it authentically and I give away what I’m good at.

Just remember, frauds don’t give, they take – so if you continue to give, you’ll always be seen as the real-deal.

Mike's TED talk

How do you deal with it?