Preserve Quality of Life

This week felt shocking to me. I was shocked when the Roe Vs. Wade overturned decision was announced.?

I spoke with people and clients (all names and recognizable information have been changed for privacy) about their abortion decision. Sherry said, "I was raised by a single mother who had to work many hours while I was either left at home or in other people's homes. I remember being in other people's houses when I got abused. I remember when I used to cry when I was left at home, and with every noise, I jumped with fear. I remember falling asleep on the stairs while waiting for her to come home. I promised myself that I would not have a child if I was not in a great marriage and a decent income level to be able to give my child what was necessary to flourish. Whether I call it an accident or I was so young that I did not fully understand my responsibility to protect myself from getting pregnant, I was pregnant and did not know it for three months. I chose to have an abortion, and Planned Parenthood helped. It was many days of contemplation and many months of depression afterward. And to this date, that decision brings me sadness. Yet, I would make that decision again if I was under the same circumstances. If I had chosen to have my child then, I would not have been a good mother to my child, and the traumas that I went through would have been handed to my child.? I made the right choice then for my life and theirs".

I spoke with Sally about her choices, and she said she was date raped. While she chose not to take legal action, she found out that she was pregnant four weeks later. All she could think of was knowing that she could not keep this baby due to the unfortunate circumstances that the baby was created and her socioeconomic status.?

She cried for two weeks, deciding to abort, and had three months of depression after the abortion.

I spoke with John, who was with his girlfriend while they both had to decide to abort since they were young and going to school and could not afford to get married, live on their own, and raise a baby. Their parents would not allow this, and it would not be fair to the child to be born into two families which would not accept the baby.?

I also talked with Jackie and Bob, who just found out that their baby had a genetic disposition and would be born with many disabilities and heart disease. They knew that the child could never make it to full term; even if he did, he would need an operation immediately. Bob and Jackie had two more children, and they knew that if they did not go through an abortion, their time, attention, and financial resources would be depleted and taken away from their other children. They went through many weeks of grief for this decision.

Abortion is not an easy choice for anyone; in my 30 years of having the privilege of working with people who had to choose to have an abortion. I witnessed lots of emotional hardship and grief for many years to come. However, it was a choice that, after careful contemplation, had to be made. A choice that was better for the mother, father, and the baby's future if it remained in this life and the society at large.

I am a trauma specialist. I have listened to so many people share their childhood traumas. Such as not being wanted, being neglected due to their parent's addiction, being left home alone for hours due to their parents working long hours, being abused, being born to a depressed or ill parent, etc.?

So, how would not having a choice for abortion affect the child's life?

Even when people look forward to having children, their life goes through stress, and they must prepare to give their life to their children. With the best of their intention and capability, they might still create an unsuitable environment for their children. Let alone for the parent that is not ready nor can accommodate life for their precious child.??

Preserving life is beautiful when the quality of life is preserved. When a parent knows that due to their life circumstances, they cannot give their 100% to the well-being of their children and will destroy their own life as well as their child, the choice of not having a child needs to be honored. That is a responsible choice, even if this choice is by abortion. To bring a child into this world and not have the capacity, capability, or the resources to provide love, attention, and means to support the child, is an irresponsible act.??

A parent trying to do the responsible act and prevent future damage to their children should be honored and provided medical facilities, psychological support, and education and not discouraged by making abortion an illegal act.

Ramifications of making abortion illegal in society are producing more stress and trauma for women, men, and families who are already stressed. This matter leads to more financial hardship, poverty, illness, Medical hardship by the mother using illegal means to abort, causing damage to their own body, more trauma for the child, drug use and abuse, suicide, depression, anxiety, etc.??

People who subscribe to a religious ideology about pro-life can probably get support from their community to support their children. Most other people who don't have a community to help them in these circumstances need to rely on themselves. Maybe the states that choose to make abortion illegal can offer full financial support, childcare, and mental health care for the child until age 21 since they are making a choice and not the child's parent. This punishment for the parent and the child is not logical. I have never met someone who has utilized abortion as a contraceptive methodology. It has always been a tough decision, but a responsible one to preserve the quality of life for themselves and their child. Most religious doctrines have a forgiveness program for people's sins or mistakes. How come with this mistake, accident, or trauma, all people involved, even the one presumably preserved, are to be punished, stressed to the max, and shamed for a lifetime.

It is not only a woman's choice but also the man's choice who is responsible for creating the child. It is also society's choice to vote for people who can make laws that benefit the?quality of life?for the community at large.