Preparing for Parental Leave: Advice for Parents-to-Be from an HR Leader

Parental leave is an important time to bond with your baby, but preparing to take that leave isn’t always easy. There’s a lot to account for both at work and at home, and just as many questions about how to initiate the conversation with your company in the first place.?

For a firsthand perspective, I recently sat down with Emily Connery , VP of People & Talent at ChartHop . As an HR leader and soon-to-be mother of two currently preparing for her own leave, she knows both sides of this story deeply. Here’s what she had to say:

Ivori: Thanks for taking the time to talk about this, Emily. I know you’re currently in the last few weeks before your parental leave starts, so I’m sure you have a lot going on. What will your leave look like and how have you prepared for it?

Emily: At ChartHop, we offer three months parental leave with a fourth month part-time, and I will be taking all of that time.

I started the conversation about my leave around the eighth week of my pregnancy. This was much earlier than necessary, as I could have waited until the third trimester, but I chose to start early so that my direct reports and my peers on the leadership team would have as much time as possible to work with me to prepare for what it will be like while I’m out.

Ultimately, we decided to bring in a consultant who covers parental leave and serves as a coach for HR leaders. He’s been working with me for the past few months, which has been incredible for my development and helpful in that he’s already learning about ChartHop.?

However, he’ll only be with the team for 20 hours a week. Because we had so much time to prepare, we were also able to hire a new person on my team so that I can transition the rest of my work to my direct reports, which is great for their development.

Thanks to all of this preparation, I’m confident that I’ll be able to completely unplug and spend time with my family. For the first two months of my leave I plan to not check in with work at all unless there is something urgent and my team texts me. For the third month, I’ll likely do a weekly call with team members to start to get back into the swing of things. Finally, I’ll be working part-time for the fourth month, which is a nice way to ease back in.

Ivori: It’s definitely a lot to think about from how and when you’ll tell your company to how you’ll prepare for the time and what your leave will look like. What’s your advice to others who are preparing for parental leave?

Emily: To start, it’s important to understand that everyone’s pregnancy and parental leave situations are different. I’m lucky to be in an environment that’s extremely supportive of working parents and that recognizes the importance of prioritizing family and childcare. Whatever your situation, though, I think communicating as early as you feel comfortable and having a clear plan are essential to keep in mind as you prepare for parental leave.

Ivori: How and when should expecting parents think about communicating the need for leave with the companies? Is there a specific timeline to follow?

Emily: To be clear, you should not feel pressured in any way to communicate your need for parental leave before you reach the third trimester. That said, if you do feel comfortable doing so given your personal and professional circumstances, communicating the news earlier on can prove beneficial.

In my experience, I found it difficult not to share that huge piece of news about my life with my team. Beyond that, opening up the discussion about parental leave after your first trimester means you have more time to plan for your leave, and that’s helpful in a lot of ways:

• Scheduling flexibility: You’ll inevitably have numerous doctor appointments and those days where you just aren’t feeling well. Being open about your pregnancy gives you more flexibility to adjust your schedule without feeling like you’re hiding something.
• Taking care of yourself: Beyond doctor appointments, there will be various other ways you need to take care of yourself during your pregnancy and you should feel comfortable speaking up about that. For example, during a previous pregnancy when I worked in an office every day, I decided to work from home the day after the office was painted to avoid the fumes – something I never would have done before. Even in a remote world, I have times when I need to take meetings with my camera off because I’m not feeling well or times when I need to snack during meetings; and while that’s not my normal approach, that’s what I need to do to take care of myself – and that’s okay.
• Finding your community: It helps to have a community, and the earlier you open up about your pregnancy, the easier that becomes. At ChartHop we have a Slack channel for expecting moms where we chat about various tests, how we’re feeling, and more, and having that support system has been incredible. Whether you can connect with other expecting moms or working moms who have been in your shoes before, the value of that community is something I encourage everyone to seek out.
• Preparing your team: The earlier you tell your team, the more time you have to prepare for what it will look like while you’re out. In my experience, this type of planning helps everyone – including yourself – feel more prepared for your time away. This time around, because I told my team around the three-month mark in my pregnancy, I feel like I’ll be able to fully take the time off to be with my child. It’s pretty huge to be able to do that, because that’s time you’ll never get back.

All of that said, if you’re looking for a new job, don’t feel the need to share your pregnancy during the recruitment process because there’s no need to expose yourself to that bias. When you get to the offer stage, you can ask the HR team for their benefits information, and if that doesn’t give you the information you need about what the company’s leave policy is, you can talk to HR with more questions.

Ivori: What would you say to expecting parents who might be nervous about taking their leave?

?Emily: Everyone has different views about parental leave, which is absolutely fine, but if you plan to take your leave fully you should be firm about that. People will ask questions like “what are you doing for your leave,” and you should feel entitled to say that you’re taking it (and then of course sticking to that when the time comes). It helps to put it on your calendar. Then lay out your plan and be firm about sticking to it.

If you don’t feel comfortable taking your leave, ask yourself why: Does it feel like other people have not demonstrated good use of their leave before? That is certainly a valid reason for feeling less comfortable about the situation, but remember that just because other people have done it one way doesn’t mean it has to be that way.?

Or does it feel like your manager wouldn’t be supportive? If so, you should talk to HR about it. Parental leave is a benefit to which you’re entitled and not something your manager needs to approve, and HR should have your back on that. Looping in HR at the same time as you communicate your need for leave with your manager can be very beneficial in these situations.

If you’re nervous about the conversation at all, here are a few tips that can help you prepare:

• Practice with a friend, as this gives you a safe space to practice being assertive about what you’ll be doing for your leave.
• Stand in front of a mirror and take up as much space as you can. This sounds silly, but it can have a major psychological impact before having a difficult conversation.
• Put it in writing before having a verbal conversation. Reach out with something like, “Today in our 1:1, I want to talk about my parental leave. These will be the dates and this is my plan. I look forward to chatting in person soon.”

Ivori: Another common concern is that someone might take over your role while you’re out on leave. How realistic is that in your experience?

Emily: It’s easy to quickly jump to the conclusion that you can get pushed out by someone who took on some of your responsibilities while you were on leave. But what if you think about it as a growth opportunity instead?

Especially if you manage a team, your leave will be a great opportunity for them to grow if they’re covering some of your responsibilities. If you want to assume that they’ll advance so much during that time, then you can plan ahead for that. Consider what it means for you if everyone on your team gets to the next level in the months while you’re out. What will your role look like then? In all likelihood, it means that you might be able to focus more on strategy and continuing to progress the team even further. Ultimately, it creates an opportunity for everyone.

Of course, this all depends on the company. If you’re at a large, fairly consistent company, you may very well come back to the same situation you left at the start of your leave. But if you’re at a fast-moving startup, it can feel like a new company when you return. There will be more people and a lot of processes and goals will have changed. In these situations, it can be helpful to start checking in with your team during the tail end of your leave if you feel comfortable doing so.

Ivori: Thank you so much for sharing all of your experiences and advice, Emily. Is there anything else you would want expecting parents to know as they starting thinking about their own parental leave

Emily: I wanted to share my story and my advice with the world to help anyone starting to think about how to approach their own parental leave feel empowered throughout their journey. Remember: You have to do what’s right for you and your family – whatever that may mean – and I hope that my advice can help you think through any questions you may have about how to do so.