Preparing for the Holidays: Conversation Prompts to Get Started

With a background in counseling and HR, and now over 8 years as a Career Coach, I know that the holidays can be complicated.?

Holiday gatherings can bring to the surface feelings that have simmered under the surface throughout the year and we can see reminders of how we wish we were more alike/different from people in our lives and how we also might wish for people in our lives to be the same/better/different. Jealousy and insecurity can often rear their ugly heads at this time of year as well.

We can have these feelings about the people we have or don’t have in our lives. We can feel that way about “stuff” (newest/greatest tech, fanciest cars, nicest houses, etc.) too.

We can also have these complicated feelings about our jobs. The The Wall Street Journal had an article (The One Question Everyone Dreads by Callum Borchers ) earlier this month about the stressors of these work-related conversations over the holidays, highlighting the angst that many people are feeling right now when they’re asked about their jobs (If you haven't already read it, read it!).?

Being asked about our jobs can be complicated and weighty for people – sometimes people are thrilled to talk about the good things that are happening but with staggering levels of disengagement present globally (a recent Gallup poll highlighted that only 23% of people were engaged in their jobs) and a concurrent mental health epidemic, many people are struggling.?

What if we flipped the script and instead of focusing on a game of comparisons and have and have nots, what if we focused on bringing our authentic selves to the table but also reminding ourselves that we aren’t required to share 100% of everything in every moment.

Here are 5 tips for building good conversations at your next holiday/family gathering:

??Focus on their highlights. ?? Ask your friends/family if there are any especially fun things at work for them or things that they were proud of this year.

??Ask about them/their work. ?? ?If they work in an industry that’s gotten any news coverage this year, ask their thoughts/perspectives on if/how those changes have modified their work (e.g. generative AI, tech layoffs, FAFSA changes, inflation/interest rates, etc.).

??Pick 1-2 highlights to share.?? Focus on the past year and think about if there are a few specific highlights that you’re excited about or proud of. Had an especially great event you contributed to? Have a great story of impact??

?? Ask for specific advice/reality testing.?? If there’s a situation you’re trying to see from another perspective, ask a trusted family member/friend. But if you’re doing that, also make sure it’s a general question and you’re still maintaining professionalism and confidentiality of your workplace.

??Focus on something that you’re looking forward to. ?? I find that focusing on the positives is a more life-giving way for me to operate in the world. It doesn’t mean that I don’t challenge or don’t advocate for change (I’m passionate about both and do them regularly!! :)) but it does me that I’m often trying to reframe and share what we can look forward to instead.

What about you? Do you connect with any of these? Are there any that you’d change or modify? Are there any that you would add or delete?

A similar and simpler prompt that I try to use with my kids most days at the dinner table is, “What’s your rose, thorn, and bud?”?

Rose ?? = good thing

Thorn = tough/painful thing

Bud = something you’re looking forward to

These have been some helpful tools for me over the years. I hope that they're helpful for you as well. And, remember, life is amazing, and hard, and beautiful, and tough -- it makes sense that we also have complex thoughts and reactions to the world around us. :)

I wish you the best this holiday season!!! I’d love to hear how it goes!

-Sarah