Preparing For Family Mediation – Part 2

This article was first published by, and is reproduced with kind permission from, the Family Separation Support Hub.

Practical Steps

Preparing for family mediation involves several steps to ensure that you are ready to engage constructively and effectively in the process. Here are some detailed steps you can take to prepare:

1. Understand The Mediation Process

• Research: Learn about what family mediation entails, the role of the mediator and the typical structure of mediation sessions. If you have arranged an initial meeting (otherwise known as a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting or MIAM) with a mediator, then they will explain the process to you and answer any questions that you have. In advance of the meeting write down any questions that you might want to ask so that you do not forget them during the meeting.

2. Identify Your Goals

• Clarify objectives: Think about what you hope to achieve from the mediation. Identify your goals and priorities.
• List priorities: Write down your key concerns and priorities. Understanding what is most important to you will help you stay focused during the mediation.
• Plan for compromise: It will help if you think about a range of possible proposals rather than just sticking to one. Adopt a traffic light system:Green: for the proposal that suits you best.Yellow: for proposals that you might be willing to make in order to reach a compromise. Red: issues that are so important to you that you are not willing to compromise.

Try to be ready to be as flexible as possible and be open to different ways of resolving issues.

3. Gather Relevant Information

• Documentation: Your mediator will give you guidance about what documentation you will need to collect. In financial mediation you will need to provide full financial disclosure of all of your assets, liabilities and income, so it is a good idea to start gathering the relevant documentation together as soon as practicable.
• Facts and figures: Be ready with accurate information regarding finances, assets, debts and anything else that may be discussed. If you need advice in respect of your financial matters, think about consulting an Independent Financial Adviser – they can help you with planning your finances for the future.

4. Prepare Emotionally

• Reflect on emotions: Acknowledge and understand your emotions related to the issues at hand. Recognising your feelings can help you manage them better during mediation.
• Support:Sorting out arrangements following divorce or separation is stressful and it is important that you put a support network in place – whether this is family or trusted friends or an independent third party such as a counsellor, therapist or divorce coach.

5. Consider The Other Party’s Perspective

• Empathy: Try to understand the concerns and goals of the other party. This can help you find common ground and work towards mutually acceptable solutions.
• Anticipate reactions: Think about how the other party might react to your proposals and be prepared to address their concerns constructively. Think about how you might react to their proposals, and how you might deal with feeling triggered by what they might say.

6. Seek Legal Advice If Necessary

• Legal advice:Consider consulting with a lawyer before and during the mediation process. They will provide you with legal advice and help you understand your rights and obligations.

7. Prepare Logistically

• Scheduling: Ensure you have enough time allocated for the mediation session without interruptions – mediation sessions usually last between 1.5 and 2 hours.
• Location: Know where the mediation will take place and plan your travel accordingly. If it’s online, ensure you have a stable internet connection and a quiet, private space.

8. Self-Care And Support

• Emotional support: Consider having a support person, who you can talk to before and after the session – appointing a Divorce Coach can be particularly helpful as they will understand what you are going through and can give you support and techniques for preparing and going through the mediation process.
• Self-care: Take care of your physical and emotional well-being leading up to the mediation. This might include getting enough rest, eating well and engaging in activities that help reduce stress.

9. Follow-up Planning

• Post-mediation steps: Think about what steps you will take after the mediation sessions, whether it is seeking legal advice to implement agreements reached or how you are going to practically go about implementing the terms of your agreements – whether they relate to financial matters or children.

By taking these steps to prepare, you will be in a better position to engage productively in family mediation and work towards a resolution that is acceptable to all parties involved.

You may also be interested to read ‘Preparing For Mediation – Part 1: Active Listening’

Rebekah Gershuny is an Accredited Family Mediator and founder of Evolve Family Mediation based in Watford and a consultant Family Solicitor at Freemans Solicitors.

If you would like further information about preparing for Mediation, please contact Rebekah by email on [email protected] or 01923 909343.