Preparing for a Difficult Conversation? Arm yourself with these four things.

I've had my fair share of difficult conversations, and I can tell you that nothing good ever comes from an ill-prepared meeting.?

Difficult conversations are necessary and inevitable along our professional paths. We do not get much training on the challenge of addressing difficult topics. So, when faced with one, we might be inclined to shrink away from the responsibility. Let's look at four strategies to approach tough talks in a way that empowers everyone involved.

Start With Heart

As a manager or leader, you provide a safe space to listen to someone else's perspective. You don't need to agree; seek to understand without interjecting your own story.?

Move into a crucial conversation with a willingness to listen and understand. If we move into the meeting with the need to be "right," then there isn't room for diverse and open discussion.

Learn to Look

Experts agree that 70-90 percent of communication in non-verbal.There's more happening in the conversation than just the words that are spoken. We continually read body language to gauge how a conversation is going, even when we don't consciously know it.?

Learn to look for cues that the people involved in the tough talk may need a break or to be given space to provide their comments and feedback along the way.?

Are they sitting with their arms folded in defense? Bouncing a leg or tapping the desk? We all have ways to expel energy through body language when feeling stressed or under the spotlight. Check-in regularly with your body language to see what messages you are projecting.

Create a Safe Space

When we feel safe in our environment, it allows us to open up and say what is authentically on our minds. As the facilitator of a tough talk, consider how you hold space and whether it feels warm and inviting.?

Invite the conversation participants to provide as much information about the subject as they wish by saying, "Thank you for sharing that with me. Do you have more to say about that right now?" or, "Tell me more about…"?

You might also respond by saying, "I heard you say…Did I get that right?"?

Be a Good Listener

Amy had a situation when she had to mentor an employee that she was certain she would need to terminate. She documented everything as instructed by HR. Robert probably knew he was on the chopping block and showed signs of defeat when she asked him to meet her in the conference room.

During the beginning of their time together, they would start each week with reviewing weekly goals, objectives, and challenges. Amy would immediately get down to business when they met. Robert’s body language told her everything: shoulders rounded, eyes and head tilted down. He would speak slowly and quietly, hardly ever looking up.

?Amy could have been heavy-handed by micromanaging all of his work. But she chose a different approach instead.?

She began to ask questions about his weekend and his family, as well as reiterating the expectations of his position. He didn't open up immediately, but she built trust with him.?

Eventually, Amy learned that he was caring for his sick mother, and he and his wife were trying to balance their children's schedules while working full-time. He and his family struggled to keep their heads above water, but he was doing his best. He struggled to stay on task and often had to leave the office to translate for his mother.?

Amy thanked him for letting her know the entire situation. They talked about the organization's mission, our department's goals, and how his work was a critical piece of the puzzle. Amy became his ally, and he felt like a valued team member. Together, they strategized and prioritized his work so that he could get back on track.

Whenever we have a tough talk, we also teach others how to do the same. The promise is not that the conversation will be easier but that the opportunity to flow through the experience with grace is possible by utilizing sound principles.

It takes a lot of practice. Even if you feel you get it "right" in one circumstance, the next time, it will be a different set of individuals with a new problem to solve, and anything can happen. Consider each need for a tough talk as an opportunity for all involved parties to grow, with optimism for the outcome.

If you are looking for a fantastic read about how to prepare for difficult conversation, consider picking up “Bridge the Gap” by Jennifer Edwards and Katie McCleary.

Tell me - have you recently found yourself in the middle of a difficult conversation? Did you feel prepared or not? How did it turn out?