Preparing for Chaos: Cultivating Inner Stability with the Enneagram

“We need to be able to think in chaos,” urges Dr. Julia Kukard . “And the only way we’re going to be able to do that is by having a stable inner world.”

But is a stable inner world even achievable in today’s context? We’re currently facing 72 elections globally in 2024 alone, to say nothing of the political and economic instability threatening families, communities, and leaders. We are living on the precipice of chaos - some may argue we’ve already fallen.

In this article, Dr. Kukard discusses the nuances of chaos, how coaches can help their clients to deal with uncertainty, and the role of the Enneagram in developing a stable inner world.?

What is Chaos?

Chaos is the opposite of inner stability. It encompasses the turbulent uncertainties of our contemporary existence - personal and societal struggles - and challenges our sense of control. Chaos is pain. It is upheaval and distress. It can be as simple as running late for work and the ensuing panic, or as significant as conflict and war.?

The Dangerous Ripple Effect of Chaos

The way in which we handle uncertainty is directly linked to our mental health, particularly when it comes to burnout. Many people find uncertainty difficult to manage, leading them to feel overwhelmed and stressed. This can push individuals towards unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as alcohol, to temporarily escape the chaos of their situation. Yet this offers no sustainable relief.?

The Vice of Control

If we cannot accept chaos and volatility, if we perceive it as a threat, we may try to shrink it down to something we can control. This may manifest in staying in one city for the rest of one’s life because we fear what lies beyond it. Or never venturing out of a friend group, or always saying no to new experiences.??

Chaos is not something to control, warns Dr. Kukard. This distorted assumption will only sabotage our efforts to create a stable inner world. Control is an illusion in the face of this kind of disruption, even potentially harmful. Like a siren luring ships to their destruction, trying to exert control over chaos will only dash us upon the rocks if we depend upon it for direction.?

Yet, if we're unable to manage our own chaos, it can quickly lead to broader social impacts, such as the exclusion of different perspectives or backgrounds, or oversimplified views of complex situations as we attempt to control what we can’t.

In corporate settings, there's a significant push to model complex realities in a linear, simplistic manner, which doesn't hold true to the parts of the system that are less knowable. This need for simplicity can lead leaders to present overly simplified narratives that are easier for people to digest, even if they don't accurately represent the full picture.?

The solution, then, is to find a sustainable way to survive and thrive despite uncertainty.??

A New View of Chaos

Dr. Kukard points out that just as too little freedom can prevent us from seizing opportunities, too little disruption can inhibit creativity and adaptability. She advocates for embracing both structure and chaos to achieve clarity and calm, not through detachment or desensitisation, but by actively engaging with the world in a balanced way.

Embracing volatility rather than fearing it can transform how we handle life's unpredictable moments. By establishing a stable inner world, we become better equipped to navigate external disruption. This stability allows us to think clearly even in turbulent times and avoid the pitfalls of rash decisions that can escalate into larger conflicts.

“If we have no tolerance of chaos, we can't think in chaos, which means chaos will nail us.” - Dr. Julia Kukard.??

Ultimately, developing a tolerance for chaos can enhance our capacity for anti-fragility. As we cultivate these skills, we become more adept at handling the complexities of modern life without succumbing to the pressure to oversimplify or disregard essential aspects of our reality.

The Lesson in Pain

If we have a splitting headache, our first instinct is usually to reach for a pill. That’s because, understandably, many of us are not content to live with pain. Dr. Kukard contrasts this reality with the historic Vikings, who achieved their goal of reaching England because they weren’t afraid to endure discomfort - whether that meant harsh weather or relying on a diet consisting solely of fish (both of which they did).?

“When we narcotise or dull pain at the slightest twinge, we lose this vital source of motivation and direction,” shares Dr. Kukard. If we believe that a life well lived has no pain, and seek to eliminate it from our lives, we may become hypervigilant to every twinge of pain, and each time, it will remind us that we have failed to achieve our goal of happiness and ease. We may even assume that happiness is the absence of pain.?

“We end up organising our lives around pain avoidance rather than grasping life itself,” says Dr. Kukard. We forget that pain is a reminder we are alive and that something needs to be taken care of, and it can often point us in the direction of what needs work.

“Pain is part of all learning, because to learn we must accept we don’t know everything.” - Dr. Julia Kukard.?

Pain also informs us of our boundaries and comfort zones. It helps us gauge how much we can stretch without causing serious harm. This knowledge is invaluable as we strive to manage our capacity for chaos.

How the Enneagram Helps Us Manage Chaos

The Enneagram is a tool that simplifies the complexity of human personalities into nine types, acting as a navigational map through personal turmoil. This framework aids in fostering self-awareness, helping individuals understand their reactions and impacts on others.

As you can see below, each Enneagram type has a nuanced relationship with disruption:

• Enneagram Ones strive for perfection, order, and control as coping mechanisms. They simplify and control their environment to avoid imperfection or mistakes. They value self-control as a virtue, which leads to a brittle inner world as they contain and control rather than flow with the chaos.?

• Enneagram Twos are adaptable and tend to flow with changes, particularly in their interactions with people (even when things are uncertain). When there is trouble, they lean in and will easily overstep boundaries. Amid the chaos, they might exhaust themselves in service of others, paying little to no attention to the stability of their own inner world.?

• Enneagram Threes want to maintain a facade of having it all together and will try to maintain the illusion of control to avoid looking bad. They often throw themselves into more work when faced with uncertainty and chaos. They may also jump ship when possible, leaving chaos for others as they pursue the next goal in a more stable environment.?

• Enneagram Fours inflate their emotions because it makes them feel alive; however, when faced with chaos, their existence becomes exhausting. This inflation of emotions can destabilise their inner worlds and those of others, adding to the turmoil in their relationships. They can also be addicted to pain, resisting what is available to stabilise the situation and themselves.?

• Enneagram Fives maintain control by withdrawing, isolating themselves from the chaos in the world. They often choose to disengage preemptively to avoid exhaustion. This fortress mentality requires high walls as they seek to avoid dependencies. In trying to respond to chaos mentally, by trying to build an understanding of the situation, they might neglect to act in favour of staying in the head.?

• Enneagram Sixes focus heavily on creating processes for everything in their lives. Planning and preparation (physical, emotional and mental) are ways to keep uncertainty at bay. They can be great in the face of chaos when it comes their way, having spent the time calmly preparing for all eventualities. This can lead to effective management of emergencies, but also a lot of anxiety all the time.

• Enneagram Sevens love the freedom and birth of opportunity that can come from change and disruption. They can be agents of chaos at times. They dislike feeling confined and restrained, so change is good, right? Only partly. Sevens also avoid pain, and chaos can be very painful. It breaks things, removes options, and can lead to various defence mechanisms to avoid their painful reality.?

• Enneagram Eights see chaos as an opportunity. They thrive in chaotic environments because they can act independently without justifying their actions. Every emergency needs someone to take charge and give the orders. This is where the Eights take charge, and sometimes, they forget to stand down from the command-and-control style required to stabilise the situation. While they are busy sorting things out, they neglect their inner worlds.

• Enneagram Nines prefer structure and tend to avoid conflict, often viewing uncertainty as a potential source of conflict. The more chaos in the system, the more they are tempted to numb or tune out from reality. It can immobilise the Nine, leading to inaction or a stubborn avoidance of what is unfolding.?

How to Create a Stable Inner World Amid Chaos

Finding inner stability amid uncertainty is crucial for managing burnout and stress, which often stem from inner world volatility (a.k.a chaos). Dr. Julia Kukard explains that large emotional swings consume excessive energy, and warns against numbing these feelings at the risk of losing one’s agency.??

Here’s how to find that balance and establish inner stability:

Assess Burnout Levels

It's crucial to recognise our current level of burnout, especially since people often underestimate the severity of their own stress and exhaustion. It’s also wise to regularly review and improve our self-care routines. Personal experiences are impactful, and being proactive can prevent future stress.

Avoid Numbing and Embrace Emotional Rhythms

Numbing emotions can lead to losing not only the pain but also the motivation for change. It's essential to maintain a steady emotional rhythm with moderate highs and lows instead of flattening out our experiences through excessive control or disengagement.

Understand and Regulate Emotional Reactions

Dr. Kukard notes that we often overreact to minor issues, exhausting ourselves over trivial matters like being a few minutes late or a child's unkempt uniform. Recognising what truly warrants anxiety and what does not, is key to conserving emotional energy.

According to Dr. Kukard, different Enneagram types react differently to emotions—the Enneagram Four, for example, amplifies them to feel alive, while the Enneagram Seven downplays them to avoid discomfort. Knowing whether we’re exaggerating or minimising our emotions can also help us find a middle ground.

There are many somatic techniques that enhance and support our ability to regulate our emotions, like mindfulness and breathwork.?

Shift From Transactions to Attitude

Dr. Kukard emphasises the importance of setting the right mindset before tackling tasks, which can reduce panic and improve the handling of the situation. It’s easy to get swept up in “transactions”, but we should rather take time to assess and adjust our attitude. We’ll be able to act from a healthier place.

Expand Knowledge and Understanding

Instead of avoiding chaos, engage with it. Be aware of and adapt to changes in the environment, instead of shrinking from them. Dr. Kukard suggests that continual transformation in relationships, at home, and in broader life contexts is essential for thriving amidst the chaos.

Prepare for Life’s Cycles

Anticipate and prepare for the different stages in life and family. For example, if we have young children, start preparing for their teenage years. Understanding and preparing for these transitions can help manage the stress and chaos that come with each stage.

Strengthen Relationships

Relationships have a significant impact on quality of life, but it’s not always easy to prioritise them. Dr. Kukard recommends that we invest in these relationships continuously to ensure they are robust enough to withstand life’s stresses, such as the challenges of parenting.?

In conclusion, chaos is like a writhing river. To wade through it and build a stable inner world, coaches must have compassion and understanding. “We all come from a certain context,” says Dr. Kukard. We all get socialised. Compassion and judgment must always come together. Otherwise, our efforts are like one hand clapping.”

And yet, coach we must. In the words of Marcus Aurelius: “Is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?” (Marcus Aurelius, Meditations). Chaos will never let us rest easy, but building a stable inner world will help us breathe through life’s uncertainty.??

How are you coaching through chaos?