How to Access What Really Matters

In the premiere edition of The Art and Science of Expertise we looked the importance of being able to see and convey the point (what writer Nora Ephron described as communicating “what really matters”, in the same way a journalist writes a news lead.)

If you'd like to deepen your ability to be the voice that says what really matters: start in the non-verbal. This might surprise you. Bear with me. You might be sceptical. The science is solid.

I’d like to invite you to take a walk on your parasympathetic side. (Our nervous system’s way of operating that’s all about safety, relaxation and well-being (AKA Feed-and-breed or Rest-and-relax)?

Here’s a disarmingly simple exercise, adapted from workshops I have taken with Richard Boyatzis, Distinguished University Professor in the Departments of Organizational Behaviour, Psychology, and Cognitive Science at Case Western Reserve University, known for his work on the science of intentional change. In answering the question How Do I Change? Boyatzis believes emotional arguments convince us much more than logical ones.?

Set aside some quiet time. This can be done alone or in any trusting group setting.?

If you’re approaching this with a group tell participants that over the next 10-15 minutes we will do some introspection. Ask them to be ready to take a few notes.

Here are the questions you will contemplate together.

• Who helped me most become who I am? Or Who helped me most to get where I am?

List their names and write them down.

Think about these people.?

Bring them into your mind. Imagine they are standing in front of you.

Take some time to go through the list of names. For each one of them, consider what they were to you and what they meant to you.

For each one of them of them, write down the qualities/ideas/words they inspire in you.

• Choose one person from the list. Take a few minutes to recall a moment/incident/story involving that person.

Now write down this vignette.

• What was it about them that touched you?

Write your sense of that.

And the final question - which always brings forth a shiver of recognition -

• Whose list will I be on? This will be part of your legacy.

The reason why we spent some time with the people who have been so influential in your life's success is because during this exercise we have been activating our parasympathetic system.?

These can be tender, tearful, moving experiences and it is common to hear,

“Oh my god, someone loved me THAT much.”

In your next Art and Science of Expertise newsletter we will get down to some classic verbal approaches.

Until then, practice walking on your parasympathetic side in any the following ways

• Play with children.
• Get down on the floor with an animal. Stroke it.
• Do some mild enjoyable exercise.
• Meditate
• Take a walk in nature.
• Do some diaphragmatic breathing.
• Have a massage or self-massage.
• Prayer

Let the sense of becoming a voice that says what really matters roll around inside.

If you'd like share below please go ahead. Or contact me privately. And subscribe to the newsletter. BTW - Thank you to the almost 400 subscribers who signed on in the past few days. It's so helpful for me to know I am writing for you.

Anne Lewis, The Art and Science of Expertise: How to be the voice that says what really matters.