Pregnant at work - How to make it a win-win

Firstly, disclaimer nr 1. I’m fully aware that this is a very subjective, sensitive and difficult topic to bring up, because each pregnancy and each person/mom-to-be are highly unique. However, talking to friends, colleagues and browsing my network, I honestly don’t find much about this subject. The focus is rather on after the arrival of the new born and when the parents (especially the mum) are back at work. Secondly, disclaimer nr 2. I’m an office worker, and these are simply my experiences, feelings and take-aways after two pregnancies while working. I do not know and can only imagine the multitude of other types of work, much more demanding, physically and mentally, where being pregnant at work, really is not an option or is very challenging and not compatible with pregnancy.?Having said that, I do have a highly stressful, challenging and packed workday with back-to-back meetings, and can relate to what pressure does to a person.

Consequently, this made me even more sure about bringing this up as there is a 9+ month period when ideally all parties should want to find a solution adapted to the respective circumstances (as many things can happen in the workplace and personally with the mom and baby). Moreover, the duration of the pregnancy is in many countries actually longer than the actual maternity leave itself, which ironically should then be handled equally well (or in my opinion, even better due to the very nature of what’s happening with baby and mom).?Additionally, the risk factors are more severe in number and nature, during the first months of a pregnancy compared to post birth, so I would therefore emphasise the importance that your employer (and leader) has a significant responsibility of taking care of you. The workplace is after all where you spend most of your time, focus and attention, so imagine the effect a positive (or negative) experience has on the mum and baby.

Thirdly, I’ve experienced a bit of everything in the various places I’ve worked, and know now how I should have handled certain situations and colleagues differently than the way I did. I also wish I had gotten more advice and support the times I’ve been pregnant, stressing and pushing myself to the extreme, to show that yes, it is possible to work and perform to the same level and keeping the same workload, all while producing another human being. To me it became a mission to “prove everyone who thinks of pregnant women as less hard working wrong”. I'm aware this might sound foolish, immature and silly, because at the end of the day "work is just work", and honestly when people say that, I don't think we have the same understanding of how it is for women in today's high performance business world. One thing is to know your limits and not let it jeopardise your health, another thing is to be open and transparent about your work capacity and have a work environment that supports that (pregnant or not pregnant).

I’ve summarised and categorised my personal reflections and thoughts below - hoping to inspire fellow leaders and managers who are expecting, or who have team members or colleagues who are pregnant.

Attitude & Team

• Stay positive, you cannot necessarily change the challenging work situation, however you know it’s temporary and by motivating yourself (or thanks to amazing family, friends and colleagues) you can influence how you address the circumstances.
• Being part of a team vs. being a lone wolf heading up a department really makes the massive difference to me. Having colleagues to rely on, team mates to share tasks with, and relationships where you got each other's back, this is crucial in order to feel safe and respected.

Be Personal & Compliment

• There is a fine balance between asking or sharing too much information (especially people with kids wanting to tell all the stories and details you do not want to know) and not asking at all. However, I would argue that it's still possible to be somewhat personal and caring around pregnant women. Ask personal questions such as how is it going, do you get to sleep and relax, is there anything I/we can help you with, etc. I experienced so many times only one type of question, which is easy to ask and I guess the most important to many, which is how many weeks or months until the due date. The feeling I was left with was the focus on my departure, not on how to make the remaining time in the company as good as possible for everyone.
• The power of compliments when pregnant is just out of this world. I know I should not say this, however, when you feel exhausted and not very "fresh in your wanna-be business attire, which is either oversized clothing or quite dull Mama outfits", just a single compliment about how nice you look or that pregnancy makes you glow, it most surely pulls even the most sleep deprived mum-to-be out of a blue mood or making her day so much brighter.

Communication & Care

• Communication is key, and even more so during a pregnancy. The importance of follow up from the day the big news are shared, until the last day of work, which then is the beginning of maternity leave. Depending on the company and your manager, this is usually handled together with HR or the person responsible for employees, accounting and salary payments. There is no single way of following up, it's rather a set of best practices and common interest in making sure both parties are satisfied and get the most out of the situation.
• Yes, all the post-covid learnings such as flexibility and ability to adjust your day (to be able to make doctor’s appointments, rest, go for a walk, etc.), however, these are not unique to pregnant women. These are part of the new normal in many people’s work life, and it's required by most employees (especially Gen Z and millennials) when considering job opportunities. The other aspect that is not so easy to have as a "requirement", is the people caring part that more and more companies consider as part o building a healthy company culture, attracting and retaining talent, and having a human side to their tough business goals.

Certainty & Future Outlook

• Working during a pregnancy (as long as your health and working conditions allow it) is so rewarding, as employing your skills, continuing and perhaps closing exciting projects you've begun earlier in the pregnancy, makes the mom-to-be feeling still as useful as before the belly. Plus, the employer gets continuity and the best possible transition prior to the parental leave.
• Having a job to go to and work responsibility really grounded me during the two pregnancies because it's so easy to be caught up in what's happening to your body. I would go so far and say that working ensured my mental health, as I got to focus on doing what I love, in collaboration with amazing colleagues, partners and clients.
• When planning for maternity leave it's important to have as much certainty about the company’s present and future plans (as possible) and knowing you will be part of that. Nothing is more motivating than knowing you're a valuable resource and that your employer is investing in your development, having a plan for when you're away and looking forward to when you're coming back.

Equality (gender, health, etc.)

• Being in tech and in a highly male dominant environment has many sides to it, and I would say that the great technological advances the past years have made it more attractive to women. However, it shouldn't come as a surprise that when there are no other women or very few colleagues in similar situations (as a parent to-be or with toddlers), then it does make it more difficult to be on the same page.
• The focus on gender equality and by having more women in C-level roles and being part of top management, has made it more common to see pregnant women at work and who are decision makers. Hopefully, this brings a stronger balance to what still is a very unequal work place, and shows the true value that a woman brings to the company (even as pregnant).

Sick Leave or Not

• As mentioned previously there are many things that can change during a pregnancy, and for some this results in a sick leave (partially or full). This was previously not something I understood well, until it hit me in the second pregnancy and I understood why and when a sick leave is a necessary measure to take.
• In case of a sick leave, there should be an open dialogue and transparency, to discuss how to best adjust and adapt the job to the new situation at hand, with the interest of the mum and baby in mind, not just the company's resource perspective.
• I have personally been on 50% sick leave a few weeks (due to extreme stress and pressure at work during a very intense period, my body had a reaction that resulted in a higher risk of an early labour), and the effect of reducing the work hours was impactful enough for my situation.
• In case all goes well and mom-to-be is able to work 100% until the very last day (or like I did the first time, working even longer), it is important to help the employee realise the importance of resting and disconnecting?too. Make sure to take care of the unstoppable high performers, before they hit the wall.
• Lastly, listen to your body, mind, doctor and network, as they usually know you better (and see your fatigue before you do). Trusting your inner voice and instinct is also the right thing to do, because you know deep inside what's best for you and your baby.

Support

• Unless it’s very obvious what to help with, it’s always nice to be asked “is there anything I can help you with”. I have experienced this coming more often from the close team members around me, than my direct report. Not to say that your manager should take on parts of your job, it's rather the "caring" of the people you are responsible for, which I am expecting from any leader in 2023. Nonetheless, I totally understand that it's easier for a team member or close colleague to care and to see what is needed and what they can do to take off some of that workload (as you would be equally operational and familiar with each other's tasks and needs).
• Supporting someone professionally during a pregnancy is usually more demanding, compared to when you know a person privately and it's easier to talk about issues and health (and body) related matters. Consequently, if you want to support and help your pregnant colleague, you need to ask the honest questions where you might end up getting the brutally honest answers you were so worried about the answers to. Or simply tell your colleague that you are here for her, be open about feeling uncomfortable about not knowing how to support (if that's case) and just by saying that you're always all ears, then it will be easier for the mum-to-be to address any needs or challenges directly with you.

So there you go, these are my two cents regarding being pregnant or having pregnant colleagues in the workplace and how I personally would go about it. I am fully aware that it's most likely easier for a woman who has been in similar situations, to manage and support other women expecting. However, as men take on bigger roles in their children's lives, and by supporting their pregnant partners, I do believe we are reaching a point where female and male coworkers can have a close to equal impact on the mum-to-be.

Best of luck to everyone out there, working pregnant women, soon-to-be parents, managers, and companies supporting a healthy work environment for their employees wanting to start a family.