PREEMPTIVE HELP

I was at a luncheon in honor of my partner Bibi and other designers last June.

It was a beautiful day and I had a lovely conversation with my neighbor who lived in Paris. I told her that my daughter was moving to her city to attend college. Without missing a beat, she offered her place as a temporary landing pad for my daughter.

I didn’t ask for her help. I didn’t have to.

She empathized with me as a mother and with my daughter as a young woman moving to a new city.

We took her up on it.

At that moment, she became my new, fresh friend.

Do you want to make new friends? Deepen old friendships?

Here is a model to use. I call it?Preemptive Help.

Preemptive Help is providing assistance or support before it is explicitly requested or before a problem arises.?

This requires?Empathy,?one of the?five principles?of thinking like a designer. It is about putting ourselves in the other person’s place to anticipate their needs.

Preemptive Help is doing the dishes without being asked because your partner is busy helping the kids go to bed.?It is telling a friend to let you make dinner tonight and showing up with a bag of groceries because you know your friend is exhausted from working during the day and caregiving at night.?It is picking up a friend from the hospital after a minor surgery and tucking them into bed.

Preemptive Help is connecting a mentee to a mentor at work because you can see good things will come of it.?It is hearing the customer service person tell you they’re happy to stay with you until the problem is resolved. It is running to the store for your teammates, getting them coffee, or making copies to give them a break.??

Without being asked for help.

You can do this at work—as part of customer service, teamwork, or mentoring.

You can do this at home—as part of personal relationships, family, or friendships.

By offering Preemptive Help, we demonstrate thoughtfulness, attentiveness, and a willingness to support others without waiting for them to ask for assistance.

Fast forward to last weekend.

My new friend was in Dakar with her family when they had a medical emergency. She reached out to Bibi, who showed up at their hotel an hour later.

She didn’t ask him to come. She didn’t need to.

He empathized with them about being in a foreign country and not knowing who to call and where to go for medical help. He took care of them.

My friend called me to say that Bibi was a real friend. I told her this is what friends do.?

Here’s to designing connections and friendships.

Ayse

This and the following series of Newsletters are dedicated to Design Connections?, one of our ongoing projects. You can read about the “why”?here.

We are thrilled to be back at Pratt Institute with?Design the FUTURE You Love?on March 27, 2024, Wednesday, 5 PM - 7:30 PM ET. This online session is to inspire graduating students with optimism and creativity about their transition from campus life to their careers. If you would like more information, please email Meltem Parlak at [email protected].

Liz Kislik, Management Consultant, Coach, and Contributor to Harvard Business Review and Forbes, just launched?Better at Work with Liz Kislik, a fantastic animated series about how things can go wrong at work and how to deal with them better.?

Liz also wrote this wonderful article about my work,?Three Surprisingly Easy Things To Try When You’re Feeling Stuck At Work. I am adding it for transparency but also just in case you are feeling stuck.

For our design programs, please email Leah Caplan, VP, Design and Project Planning, Birsel + Seck, at?[email protected].

For coaching engagements, please email Jacquelyn Lane, President, 100 Coaches, at?[email protected].

For speaking engagements, please email Nancy Aaronson at?[email protected].