Predictive EQ and The Game of Thrones

I am addicted to Game of Thrones.?

My son was addicted to it a few years ago and begged me to get HBO. He was glued to the TV every Thursday night with four of his friends. I thought it was silly.?

Last month, I gave the show a chance, and after the 4th?episode, I could not stop watching. When I told my friends about my new form of heroin, they cautioned me that the last season was the worst. Most of my friends were disappointed and even my son said I should be warned it did not end well.?

Sadly, it was too late to turn back, as I was already hooked. The human brain does not know the difference between reality and fantasy. I already knew these people and cared deeply about the story arch. Emotionally I was bonded, and there would have been too much pain in my limbic system to break up with these “relationships.”?

At about season five, my son checked up on me, once again warning me about the dreaded season eight that was surely going to upset my emotional equilibrium. I thought to myself: “do I keep going, knowing I would be destined for future grief, or stop then-and-there, while I was ahead of the heartbreak?”

Emotional intelligence is the cognitive skill that helps you decipher what you are thinking and feeling in the moment. It is the effective facilitation of the thinking and feeling domains of your brain as you make sense of sensory data.?

However, this future-thinking process I was experiencing with Game of Thrones is called?Predictive Emotional Intelligence (P-EQ). P-EQ is when the human brain foreshadows emotional responses to sensory data that has not happened yet based on past experiences. When practiced intentionally this ability is the highest form of emotional maturity. Practiced without self-awareness, P-EQ can blindside us into self-sabotaging behaviors and keep us from getting what we want.?

How it works is that my brain reaches back into the narratives of my past to decide whether I could handle a painful event again – and pulls me to the next-right-action based on that assessment. With Game of Thrones, I had flashbacks of my experience of watching six seasons of Lost. Do you remember that show? What a disappointment that was, I still have not recovered.

I felt ripped off of my time, angry, bamboozled, and taken for a bad ride. Did I want to go through an emotional roller coaster like that again?

Today, we consumers of binge-watching TV look out for one another – someone has gone before us. I was not an early adopter of GOT but I have people watching over my emotional health and whether I could invest 63 hours of my emotional life in a show that will leave me grief-stricken with disappointment.??

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is about facilitating the thinking, feeling, and reactionary parts of the brain in the moment, while something is happening. People with higher EQ have far greater impulse control than their lower-scoring counterparts. P-EQ goes further because a future feeling is harder to predict. However, with deep self-awareness (you know and understand your own behavioral patterns) you will have the ability to make effective choices in the moment, that will impact future outcomes.?

For example, I might see a piece of cake sitting on the kitchen counter. In the moment, I know it will taste good and feel good, however, I also know in the future, when I step on the scale, I will feel disappointed. I have the ability to control my current actions, to yield to the desired feeling later. Neurologically, I am choosing to forgo the shot of dopamine from the cake, so that I can avoid the cortisol I will get later on the bathroom scale.

• I end the relationship after the third date because I know a heartbreak is inevitable with a person with low emotional availability.?
• I let go of the big purchase I do not need, so later I can feel elated that I am completely out of debt.?
• I say no to that next job because I know that the leader in that function is abusive and abrasive and I do not want that kind of stress in my life.?

Predictive EQ also works generating positive feelings such as booking a vacation. Your brain gets a prolonged stream of dopamine in the action of scheduling it and also in the months to come because the thought of the trip is anticipating positive feelings in the future. You will actually have feelings of calm and happiness just thinking about your future vacation experience even though you have not had it yet.?

When we anticipate emotional reactions in the future, our actions can get smarter in the moment.

Last night, I began GOT Season Eight – the final 8 episodes. I try hard not to go to the internet to reduce the future stress of how it is going to end. I stand strong, courageous, and I think I can handle it. With predictive EQ, I fully choose my future disappointment. My brain thinks these people are real, and I know I am going to experience future grief in the days leading up to the very end.?

I am ready for heartbreak. I am embracing the saying, “Tis better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all.”?