Predictably Unique Episode 2

We all think we are unique, but in reality, we all suffer, to a greater or lesser extent, from the same anxieties, fears and frailties - we are all human. David and Simon discuss their thoughts on how others can recover from anxiety, addiction and constant fear by reaching their true selves and living a resilient, fulfilling and rich life.

EPISODE 2

DAVID: ASK FOR HELP, COMPARE EVIDENCE AND REVISE THE PLAN - If you have a plan for your life and career that seems to have fallen to pieces as happens with even the best-laid plans try not to think of it as a failure. Everyone experiences failure at some point. Many of the greatest business successes have originated in failure. You are a human being, not an abstract project.

What about the fear of failure? Human beings change, adapt, survive and try again with perhaps a different version of the plan. Governments sometimes fail their way to success. CEOS and movie stars and rock idols have all known failure on the road to achievement. The fear of failure is normal. However, if we let it dictate our life and everything we do and all our relationships, we will never know success.

How important is reaching out for help? As that serial failure Winston Churchill once said, “Keep Buggering On” (known in short as K.B.O.). But K.B.O with a readiness to ask for help from fellow professionals, from your team members, from your family and from your friends. Even if you feel alone in the world, someone will be there to offer help if you just reach out and admit your failure. It’s amazing how ready people are to share vulnerability because the likelihood is that they have been there too. They know what you are suffering. Often, they will share their own stories, and they will help you look through your life at what is really going on.

How important is it to slow down? The evidence is there if we take the time to consider it. Instead of rushing into the next thing, being perpetually in motion, you need to calm down and take a long cool look at yourself. What if your failure was a success if looked at from another angle? What if success or failure didn’t matter in the short term because they are all relative and what really counts is your own happiness? We are always making the big plans without taking care of the engine inside. We need to breathe and step back. We need to compare the evidence and revise the plan. We can only do that if we remember that success or failure are only steps in the journey.

SIMON: WORK TOWARDS PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION - Progress is far more valuable and helpful than perfection. Despite what some of the social media might make us think we're human beings. We will fail, we will make mistakes - I've made many mistakes. We all need help. The biggest failure is not trying.

Tell me about perfectionism Perfectionism is a personality trait characterised by the feeling that one needs to achieve some faultless nirvana, usually through setting extremely high (and usually unachievable) self- standards. I find that a concern about what others think of you rather than what you think of yourself sets the unfortunate scene for this self-chastisement. In his book, The Game Changer, Dr Jason Fox describes perfectionism as ‘an elite form of procrastination’. He explains that a disproportionate amount of time is invested in the initial action steps of an activity and ultimately the task in hand usually does not get completed because too much effort was placed on the “small stuff”.

How is perfectionism damaging? Perfectionism can get in the way and hinder progress as it can: a) Lead to self-criticism and slow you down - when you fall short of a goal, your mind starts battling with you- telling you have failed, you are not good enough. This can all then sap your energy and slow you right down; b) demotivate and even disillusion us - when we are so wrapped up with detail, we tend to lose all important self and situational awareness.

Tell me about progress and how does it help? Progress, on the other hand, is about moving forward, one step at a time- in a flexible non-brittle growth mindset way. Progress provides motivation to keep going - the momentum it creates allows you to stop and admire what you have achieved to then propel you forward. It also creates an environment for celebrating milestones which in turn reinforces the impetus for further progress.

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