In Praise of Selfishness

We are taught from an early age that is more blessed to give than receive. Parents, teachers, his spiritual advisers educate children that selfishness must be avoided at all costs. The ideal of these lessons is absolutely correct and worthy of praise. Unfortunately, if the lessons are not properly taught and given the context they can lead to resentment, frustration, and obstacles to leaving a fulfilled life.

One of the major barriers I must breakthrough with my life coaching clients is the idea that they are not the most important person in our lives. They spent their formative years getting an understanding that subjugating their own needs for others was the best way to live their lives. In giving to others, they were told they were serving a greater good and would eventually be rewarded. From a deep subconscious level the need to protect oneself is paramount and working against that creates barriers to living the most positive life a person can have.

As we are growing up our parents set the example of how life should truly be lived. Our understanding of what love should be is modeled by what we see our parents doing. How married couples should act together is presented every day before a child's developing mind. What unconditional love truly is as demonstrated in the way the child is treated. Parenting is not an easy proposition. Working to establish a harmonious home frequently starts with teaching the children to share their belongings, food, and even clothing. I would never disparage these ideals, but they must be taught from a proper framework.

As we enter school, teachers properly attempt to build cooperation between children from different backgrounds and educational levels. Teachers are given the difficult task of creating a safe and positive learning environment. They must take the individual idiosyncrasies of 20 to 30 children and attempt to implement a system that is beneficial to all. The ideal once again is commendable and worthy is explained properly. Unfortunately, that explanation is not easily incorporated into the lessons of the day or the true life lessons that are necessary. . Once again, each individual child must to some degree subjugate their own desires for a greater good.

As we enter our house of worship, most faiths discuss the value of good works. Offerings to the church and worthy charities are highlighted. Once again the concept of creating a better world with better people is highlighted. Acts of kindness from spiritually developed people are memorialized with high praise and appreciation. Churches are built, the hungry are that, the poor are clothed and the world becomes a slightly better place. Once again, the ideals taught are worthy of being emulated if they are fully understood.

Individually each of these lessons has great merit; however, when giving becomes burdensome and difficult resentment grows and the true value of the lessons is lost. When a parent tells their child to share with others, they are inadvertently telling your child to put others first. This causes the child to devalue their own needs. When the teacher instructs children to work with others, they may inadvertently be preventing the child from fully exploring their own abilities. This could cause the child to instinctively block their own ability to discover their limitless potential. When a spiritual group instructs their followers to give to others expecting a greater reward, they were again conditioning these individuals to put others first before themselves. All of these examples devalue the right of the individual to be the best they can be.

When a parent takes the time to explain to their child the value of loving and supportive siblings the lesson gains an appropriate context. The parents may say, “the reason you are sharing is to show your brothers and sisters that you are always there for them. In response to this, they will always be there for you.” The reason your child is sharing is to set the foundation of support that will benefit them as they go forward in life. Praising this ability to share and creating an expectation of the positive feeling sharing creates changes the dynamic. The sharing in and of itself becomes a selfish act.

As children work together in school, in teaching others to teach themselves. When they see the limitations others have, they are forced to approach their own limitations in a different way. One teacher explains the value of seeing things from a different point of view when you work with others they create the value of sharing in an educational environment. They create the expectation of building a positive feeling as children exchange individual experiences and grow from there. The child who is sharing and helping a classmate is seeing the value of how this interchange is beneficial to them. In creating the more positive educational environment, they are selfishly expanding their own worldview and problem-solving skills. They should be learning - and in the best world are - that actively participating in creating a better place benefits that.

When the churches are built, the hungry are fed, and the poor clothed what value can followers of the church truly find. When you understand that their service could well prove someone from stealing to feed or clothe themselves value is created. When they know there's a building or people in crisis can find sanctuary and are offered peace of mind, the followers can better sleep the sleep of the just.

Ultimately what we give we must give selfishly. We must give with the understanding that is creating a better world for us to live in. That world must begin with ourselves. If a person feels unappreciated, undervalued, or poor they cannot give from a feeling of abundance and interactive charity is tainted with resentment.

By being selfish and building up your feeling of appreciation, your sense of individual value in your own financial security, your acts of sharing come from a place of abundance. From this place of abundance, the act of giving can be done with a sense of gratitude that you have so much that you can share. By always ensuring that when someone comes to you being your help has come to a well that is overflowing your act of generosity allows you to more truly sleep the sleep of the just.

Ultimately, by putting yourself first you put those people you care most about first as well. In creating your own happiness the people you love most need not be concerned with you. You have taken the burden you may have created by worrying them away.

Selfishness in the right context is beneficial to all.

Did you learn anything valuable about loving yourself from this article? Are there any contributions or opinions you will like to add? Please share your thoughts below.

About the Author

Tim Horn is a published author, hypnotherapist, and executive coach at Unleash Your Own Success; a program created for CEOs, Managers, and Business Operators looking to gain greater happiness in life and work. He is passionate about helping business professionals to overcome challenges and reach goals – even ones they thought unattainable. Visit his website to learn more: unleashyourownsuccess.com