In Praise of Large Things

ESPíRITU ?

THE HORSE GUY?

Coaching with Horses?

Story #84

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IN PRAISE OF LARGE THINGS

The spiritual practice of paying attention

When fierce storms hit the Midwest I run to the back porch to feel them. Spring and Summer thunderstorms are enough to pull me from any movie or sporting event I might be watching on TV. As a boy in the farm fields of western New York State, when lighting storms approached I would run as fast as I could to the middle of a field, lie down quickly and wait with wild anticipation as the storm washed over me. I was in it for the duration; no getting up half way in because I was too wet or cold. No movement at all until the storm moved off. This was one of the better ‘classrooms’ I have ever been in. My mother, who encouraged my adventures, somehow escaped Family Services. With the first clasp of thunder she would look at me, grab a jacket and throw it at me, telling me, “Get out there fast and get to the ground.” I was happy to comply.

Storms evoked wonder and awe and occasionally fear. I learned to embrace things larger than me out there in the muddy fields. I learned to pay attention when in unfamiliar places. I learned that storms are conscious beings, living entities which I guess is why we give the largest of them names. I believe, looking back on those times, I came to know something about the magnificence and profound mystery of God. I learned how to communicate with storms and other weather fronts. It didn’t occur to me to talk much about these things because they seemed so normal to me. Years later as a father of a young child afraid of loud storms, it was nothing for me to make contact with the essence of the storm and request it move away from our house. Most of the time it did. I felt a partnership with Nature that continues to today.

My earliest experiences of gratitude were born while laying on my back. The experience of grace came with fatherhood, following the same storms I had connected with since I was a boy.

The things that grab our attention as well as those things that deeply disturb us are never a mistake. They come to evoke something within us. One hundred years ago in the days following World War 1, the great Austrian poet, Rainier Maria Rilke, also watched a storm roll in across the fields. In A Man Watching he says we would be much better off if we allowed ourselves to be …’dominated, as things do, by some immense storm..and …’When we win it’s with small things and the winning itself makes us small. What is extraordinary and eternal will not be bent by us.’ I have discovered that to live a life of purpose is to invite the extraordinary and eternal to have its way with us. It invites us to be attentive to those things that are bigger than us, things we struggle to understand, things that are unfigureoutable.

Yes, that’s a word. At least in this story.

Accepting my ragged, unfinished parts, pursuing inner congruence, stillness in the midst of chaos, peace in the face of uncertainty, depression, courageous authenticity, anxiousness, boredom and emptiness that linger and will not leave are all examples of the large things I have met and danced with. I have been roundly defeated by these storms and have emerged stronger and more real because of these defeats.

These days I learn the language of horses; they are the latest large storm grabbing my attention. I do not know why. Perhaps their strength and beauty, their unpredictability, their magnificence explain my interest. Mostly, it’s what they evoke in me that has my attention and interest. Much like my boyhood experiences with large, powerful and very independent storm fronts, learning how to make and appreciate deep connection with other large, powerful and independent beings is a compelling challenge. It is one that leaves me more whole and alive than ever and even more unwilling to be satisfied with small wins that leave me small. Who has time for that?

Thank you for reading my perspective. Join us at ESPíRITU. We have amazing ‘classrooms’ and two and four legged teachers for you. And, yes, like small boys and girls, plan to get dirty!

ESPíRITU?

www.espírituhorse.com