In Praise of Active Listening

'We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. ' Epictetus,

That phrase encapsulates this entire article, you don’t have to read on if you already know what I am talking about. OR you might want to listen just a little more?????????

Whether you are an SME owner or working in HRM with the responsibilities of dealing with interpreting the day-to-day thoughts and opinions of staff or just someone who likes to be able to give advice guidance or support to others this article should spark some ideas for you to develop your style and effectiveness.

I have tried as much as possible throughout my working life to invoke the two ears and one mouth principle when dealing with individuals and teams. I also found it extremely helpful to train it to leaders in order to improve their relationships with their people. In this article, I want you to think about including the Skill or indeed art, of active listening what it looks and feels like, and how to improve this essential communication skill.

Active listening requires mastering many skills, including reading body language and tone of voice, maintaining your attention, and being aware of and controlling your emotional response. It is a practice which you may have a natural talent for but if not, you can develop it over time, and it improves with practice. Truth is that it is probably a skill which we can use all of our lives and not just in the work context but in any situation where we interact with others to develop a relationship.

Active listening involves mastering a whole host of other skills — from learning how to read subtle cues to controlling your own emotional response. It requires both empathy and self-awareness.

You know the feeling that you not only hear what someone is saying, but also attune to their thoughts and feelings. It turns a conversation into an active, non-competitive, two-way interaction. You “connect” with the others person’s story. Imagine that sensation of not just hearing words, but truly understanding the thoughts and emotions beneath them. It transforms conversations into dynamic, non-competitive exchanges, creating a genuine connection with the narrative being shared. To illustrate, think of the venerable Irish television host, Gay Byrne, whose decades-long talk show left an indelible mark on me. While I may not have explicitly recognised the concept of active listening at that time, Byrne had an innate ability to draw out brilliant human responses from his guests. He allowed their stories to unfold with vibrant hues, expressing empathy for their pain and joy in their happiness.

Understanding the nuances of active listening is akin to mastering an intricate dance, where the rhythm of your attention harmonises with the melody of the speaker's words. As I reflect on my experiences, I reflect that the idea that effective communication involves more than just hearing—it's about attuning to the thoughts and feelings behind the words It is particularly helpful when dealing with Grievances, Performance, Conflict or where mediation is a viable activity.

My key points for you to take from this article are improving your listening skills by: -?

Recognising Your Listening Style

In the symphony of active listening, it's essential to know your default style. Much like diverse instruments contributing to a musical piece, different listening styles exist. Whether you lean towards a task-oriented, analytical, relational, or critical approach, acknowledging your default mode empowers you to consciously choose the most fitting style for a given situation.

?Consciously Choosing Your Listening Mode

?Before entering the dance of conversation, ask yourself crucial questions. Why do you need to listen right now? Understanding the goals of the conversation, both yours and the other person's, guides you in selecting the most effective listening mode. Is it a moment for emotional support or honest critique? Empathy becomes your compass.

?Focusing on the Speaker

In this dance, the spotlight belongs to the speaker. While personal stories can build connections, be mindful not to overshadow the speaker's narrative. Suppress the urge to let insecurities or internal dialogues divert your attention. A genuine connection requires you to be present without judgment or personal agenda.

?Silencing Your Internal Monologue:

In the quietude of active listening, your internal monologue should fade into the background. External distractions, be they devices or personal thoughts, need to take a back seat. Maintaining focus is crucial; a mantra like "I can deal with that later. Right now, I'm here" can be your guide.

?Stay Engaged and focused on the conversation.

Active listening goes beyond passive acknowledgment (nodding). It involves probing deeper, asking questions that unveil unspoken layers. An employee expressing worry about a presentation might not only need reassurance but an opportunity to express deeper concerns. It's the difference between saying, "Oh, you're doing great," and asking, "What's worrying you?"

?Finally Consider this

Embracing the skills of active listening transforms interactions into meaningful connections. Recognising the significance of our two ears and one mouth, this practice extends beyond workplaces, enriching relationships in all aspects of life.

As we dance through conversations, acknowledging diverse listening styles and staying present, the genuine connections fostered create a symphony of understanding. By incorporating these principles, we not only enhance professional effectiveness but also contribute to a more harmonious and enjoyable tapestry of human connection.

Thank you for engaging in this brief article exploring the power of active listening—may your conversations resonate with empathy and understanding. Stay connected.