Practising Discomfort

My experience facilitating DEI conversations at all levels within client organisations is that the concepts, terms, and philosophy around what it means to be inclusive evoke many emotions.?I have seen a raft of facial expressions from confusion to frustration, annoyance, and complete and utter fear.?Ultimately, being inclusive means an inevitable discomfort in realising that our truths may not be as fixed and clear as we thought.?I talk much more about this in my upcoming book - Beyond Discomfort: Why Inclusive Leadership is so Hard (and what you can do about it), which is now available for pre-order.?

In Episode 34 of Why Care?, I had the pleasure of speaking to both Chris Altizer and Gloria Johnson-Cusack, co-authors of the book Growing the Elephant, which primarily proposes a linguistic shift of the term ‘privilege’, to the more specific and helpful distinction of ‘earned’ and ‘unearned advantages’.?Referring to the lived experiences of exclusion and discrimination within organisations and systems at large, Chris remarks during the episode that ‘we must become comfortable with what’s real’ in order to improve it. This point touches on a topic that is central to DEI practice, and which I will expand on in?this article. I break down both the importance of becoming comfortable with the constructive discomfort that must occur when implementing DEI in workplaces, as well as how to utilise it effectively.

Why might discomfort arise?

Discomfort may occur on both ends, that is, both within majority and minority groups, when underlying issues are being highlighted and constructively confronted. This may be because:?

1. We may feel targeted and blamed by others for having ‘unearned advantages’, resulting in us becoming guarded or withdrawn.
2. We may not wish to face past mistakes because we view them as character-defining, or we feel they no longer reflect our current character.
3. We don't feel worthy of being part of the conversation surrounding inclusion as we have not been affected ourselves, or not affected ‘severely enough’.

Why is avoiding discomfort counterproductive?

Ironically, in our endeavour to avoid discomfort, a lot of the time we trigger a snowball effect where an issue that may initially have been resolved with a simple conversation, exacerbates into something more sensitive. It’s important to recognise that discomfort can not be avoided as, in doing so, we are effectively avoiding positive change for the future. Although not the easiest option, constructively confronting issues both within ourselves and with those who are different from us is more efficient, effective, and expedient.

Sometimes, shying away from experiencing the feeling ourselves comes at the expense of others continuing to feel it, and this is particularly true when we observe exclusionary behaviour that we do not address. Discomfort exists as an unalterable reality, so the real choice is not whether we should enter into it, but rather the choice between undergoing the perpetual discomfort of witnessing/ experiencing exclusion, or the relatively short-lived but rewarding discomfort of confrontation that breaks harmful patterns.

So, how do we overcome this?

Although emotions are part of being human, they do not have to be overwhelming and distressing. Being aware of them is the first step in managing the discomfort rather than letting the discomfort manage you. As Chris highlights in our conversation, being in the ‘present moment’ is helpful, and this is because it encourages a grounded clarity of purpose - that is, thinking beyond the feeling to a logical, clarified understanding of the positive outcomes of this current discomfort. In order to do this, it is essential to positively reframe the discomfort as productive and useful, much like working out a muscle, which also becomes easier over time.

Along the same vein of reframing, it is essential to shift from a fixed mindset, i.e. believing our habits, attitudes, and behaviours are immutable, to a growth mindset, which focuses on the potential for positive, transformational change. The conviction that individuals have the potential to evolve, followed by the necessary understanding that discomfort is the catalyst for this change, is what builds healthy work environments where self-reflection, productive discussion, empathy, and positive reform can take place.

To ensure that the emotion remains regulated and productive within conversations, leaders must employ effective DEI skills, such as calling-in and calling-out, reframing, and collaboration. These are helpful because they keep the end goal in sight, provide structure, promote win-win outcomes, and overall encourage individuals to feel better equipped in having honest conversations.

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How can Avenir help??

Learning to foster productive and manageable discomfort is a delicate pursuit. At Avenir, we pride ourselves in providing expert care, through consultants and specialists with decades of valuable experience. Implementing DEI doesn't have to overwhelm leaders either, and that’s why we offer our Inclusive Leadership Programme, designed to guide leaders through their discomfort.

We have also recently published a report titled ‘Unlocking Inclusive Leadership: Creating Manageable Discomfort and Accountability’ that details the key barriers to inclusive workplaces, including but not limited to avoiding discomfort, a lack of support, courage, or the tools to implement DEI practices, as well as the respective solutions to these barriers.