Practising Gratitude: A Simple Habit for a Happier Life

"The other man's grass is always greener, some are lucky, some are not, just be thankful for what you've got" from the song "The Other Man's Grass Is Always Greener" by Tony Hatch and Jackie Trent

Introduction

I love gardening in the springtime - I am grateful the days are longer and warmer. The seedlings I plant in the vegetable and flower gardens are growing with vigour, and soon we will enjoy the harvest of plenty. In the same way, gratitude allows us to plant seeds of positivity and appreciation in our lives, helping us grow through even the toughest of times. More than just a fleeting emotion, gratitude is a powerful habit that shifts our focus from what we don’t have to what we do.

As Dr. Robert Emmons, one of the leading researchers on gratitude, explains, "Gratitude allows us to celebrate the present. It magnifies positive emotions and helps us appreciate life as it happens." Gratitude acts as a powerful counter to the negative feelings of envy, resentment, and entitlement, turning our attention toward contentment and fostering a more optimistic outlook.

In this article, we’ll explore how practising gratitude not only enhances happiness but also actively counteracts negativity. By incorporating gratitude into your daily life, you can cultivate well-being, empathy, and a sense of peace, transforming everyday moments into sources of joy and connection.

The Science Behind Gratitude

Gratitude isn’t just a “nice-to-have” feeling; science shows it’s one of the most powerful tools we have for boosting happiness and well-being. Researchers like Dr. Robert Emmons and Dr. Martin Seligman have spent years studying how gratitude works, and the results are striking. Gratitude doesn’t just make us feel good in the moment - it actually changes the way our brains function, helping us focus on the positive rather than dwelling on the negative.

At the heart of it, gratitude helps rewire our brains. According to Rick Hanson, gratitude and positivity help strengthen neural pathways related to happiness and reduce the brain’s tendency to focus on negativity - something psychologists call “negativity bias.” This bias is an ancient survival mechanism that makes us notice threats or problems more than the good things in life. But with regular gratitude practice, you can begin to train your brain to seek out the positives, leading to a more optimistic and fulfilling outlook on life.

Dr. Martin Seligman, a pioneer of positive psychology, showed in his work that practising gratitude not only boosts happiness but also reduces depression and anxiety. In one of his famous studies, participants who wrote a letter of gratitude to someone who had impacted their life experienced an immediate boost in happiness that lasted for weeks.

Gratitude also creates a sense of connection and empathy with others. Expressing thanks, whether in a simple conversation or through a thoughtful letter, strengthens relationships and builds goodwill. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability and connection, often speaks about how gratitude fosters stronger, more meaningful connections by reminding us to value and appreciate the people around us.

At its core, gratitude helps us move beyond negativity. It not only counters resentment and envy but also encourages a broader perspective on life. When we are grateful, we begin to notice the good things we might have overlooked - and that’s where the magic happens. Gratitude opens the door to a more optimistic mindset, fostering resilience and creating the foundation for a happier, healthier life.

Replacing the Negative Side of Humanity

At its core, gratitude is one of the most effective tools we have for overcoming the more challenging aspects of human nature - resentment, envy, entitlement, and negativity bias. These negative emotions can weigh us down, pulling our focus toward what we lack, what others have, or what’s not going well in our lives.

However, when we intentionally practise gratitude, we begin to shift that focus and create space for a more positive and optimistic outlook.

Resentment and envy often arise when we compare ourselves to others or feel frustrated by what we don’t have or fear missing out on. Gratitude, however, offers a powerful counter to these feelings. When we focus on the good in our own lives, we naturally diminish the importance of external comparisons. As Dr. Robert Emmons notes, gratitude transforms our perspective by reminding us of the blessings we already possess, rather than what we think we’re missing.

Similarly, entitlement can breed dissatisfaction and frustration when we feel we deserve more than we have. Gratitude flips this mindset on its head. By practising gratitude, we become more aware of the abundance around us - whether it’s the support of loved ones, our health, or simply the beauty of a sunny day. This shift in perspective encourages a sense of contentment and reduces the constant drive for more. Rick Hanson highlights this in his research, showing that gratitude rewires the brain to focus on abundance, which helps curb entitlement and promotes a sense of optimism about the future.

Negativity bias, the human tendency to focus more on negative experiences than positive ones, is another challenge that gratitude helps to overcome. By intentionally practising gratitude, we train our brains to seek out and appreciate the positives in life. Over time, this not only reduces our focus on the negative but also fosters a more hopeful and optimistic mindset. In fact, Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage, argues that gratitude is a key factor in cultivating optimism, which in turn leads to greater resilience and success.

Ultimately, gratitude shifts our thinking away from scarcity and negativity, allowing us to embrace life with more hope, contentment, and a sense of peace. It softens the sharp edges of envy and resentment, and instead, nurtures a mindset grounded in optimism and appreciation for the present moment and what we do have.

Practical Gratitude

Practising gratitude doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s often the small, daily actions that make the biggest impact on shifting our mindset from negativity to optimism. By intentionally focusing on what we’re thankful for, we can gradually train our brains to notice the good in life, boosting our sense of well-being and hope for the future. Here are a few simple, yet effective ways to incorporate gratitude into your daily life:

1. Gratitude Journaling

One of the most effective and well-researched ways to cultivate gratitude is by keeping a gratitude journal. Simply write down 3 to 5 things you’re grateful for each day. These can be small, everyday moments, such as a delicious meal, a kind gesture, or even just the fact that you made it through a challenging day. According to Dr. Robert Emmons, this regular practice shifts your focus from what’s wrong to what’s right, training your brain to seek out positive experiences. Over time, this leads to a more optimistic and resilient mindset.

2. Gratitude Letters

Writing a letter of gratitude to someone who has made a positive impact on your life is another powerful way to practise gratitude. Dr. Martin Seligman’s research shows that people who write and deliver these letters experience a significant boost in happiness that can last for weeks. Not only does it strengthen your relationships, but it also fosters a sense of connection and goodwill. Even if you don’t deliver the letter, the act of writing helps you reflect on the good in your life and the people who have supported you.

3. Mindful Gratitude Moments

Sometimes, it’s the small, mindful moments of gratitude that make the biggest difference. Throughout your day, pause and take a few moments to appreciate what’s around you - whether it’s a warm cup of tea, the sunlight filtering through your window, or a friendly smile. These brief moments of reflection help shift your focus away from stress or frustration and towards the good in the present. Rick Hanson describes this as “taking in the good,” a practice that helps rewire your brain to focus on positive experiences, making you more naturally optimistic over time.

4. Gratitude Jar

For a visual and interactive way to practise gratitude, try creating a gratitude jar. Each day, write down something you’re grateful for on a small piece of paper and drop it into the jar. As the days go by, you’ll see the jar fill up with little reminders of positivity and abundance. This practice, inspired by Janice Kaplan’s The Gratitude Diaries, not only encourages you to notice the good in each day but also serves as a powerful reminder of how much there is to be thankful for when you reflect back on your notes.

5. Giving to Others: Gratitude in Action

Another meaningful way to practise gratitude is by giving to others - whether it’s your time, resources, or support. When we’re grateful for what we have, it can inspire a desire to help those who may be struggling. Donating money, volunteering, or simply offering a helping hand to someone in need is an act of gratitude in itself, recognising that we have enough to share. Studies have shown that helping others not only benefits the receiver but also enhances the giver’s own sense of happiness and purpose. It creates a cycle of goodwill, reminding us of our interconnectedness and our ability to make a positive impact.

6. Self-Compassion and Gratitude

Gratitude doesn’t just have to be outwardly focused. It’s equally important to show gratitude towards yourself and your own journey. Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion highlights how acknowledging your own strengths and progress can foster a greater sense of self-worth and optimism. Take time to reflect on your personal growth and the challenges you’ve overcome. Being grateful for your own resilience can help build confidence and a more positive outlook on the future.

Gratitude Benefits

Gratitude and optimism are deeply intertwined, and together they form a powerful foundation for emotional and mental well-being. When we regularly practise gratitude, we naturally become more optimistic - seeing the good in ourselves, in others, and in the world around us. This shift in perspective promotes not only personal well-being but also fosters goodwill and peace in our relationships and communities.

1. Personal Well-Being

Gratitude has been shown to improve mental health by reducing stress, anxiety, and depression. According to Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The How of Happiness, gratitude enhances life satisfaction by helping us appreciate the present moment and stop comparing ourselves to others. When we focus on what we’re grateful for, it reduces feelings of envy and resentment, allowing us to experience more peace and contentment in our daily lives.

Optimism, which naturally grows from a gratitude practice, further boosts our well-being by encouraging a more hopeful outlook on life. When we believe that good things are ahead, we’re more likely to take positive actions, set goals, and feel motivated. Studies have shown that optimistic people not only experience greater mental health but also have better physical health, with improved immunity, lower blood pressure, and even longer life expectancy.

2. Promoting Goodwill

Gratitude doesn’t just improve our own lives - it also strengthens our connections with others. Expressing gratitude encourages empathy, kindness, and trust, deepening relationships. Brené Brown points out that when we actively practise gratitude, we become more attuned to the people around us, recognising their contributions and appreciating their presence in our lives. This creates a positive feedback loop where gratitude fosters generosity, which in turn strengthens social bonds.

Moreover, gratitude helps reduce conflict by encouraging us to focus on the good in others rather than dwelling on their flaws. When we express thanks to those around us, we build bridges of connection and goodwill, leading to more harmonious relationships at home, work, and in our communities.

3. Fostering Peace

Gratitude and optimism work together to cultivate an inner sense of peace. By focusing on what we have and being hopeful for the future, we reduce the constant striving for more. Rick Hanson explains that this mindset helps counteract the brain’s natural tendency to focus on scarcity and negativity, allowing us to feel more at ease and less driven by comparison or competition.

This sense of peace extends beyond the individual and ripples out into the wider community. People who practise gratitude are more likely to engage in prosocial behaviours - helping others, volunteering, or contributing to causes they care about. In doing so, they create an atmosphere of goodwill and kindness that promotes collective well-being. As Shawn Achor highlights in The Happiness Advantage, happiness and optimism aren’t just personal traits - they are contagious, spreading positivity and peace to those around us.

Overcoming Challenges

While gratitude is a powerful tool for transforming our mindset and well-being, we are often tested when we encounter negativity from others - whether it’s selfishness, anger, or cynicism. These interactions can be draining, but it’s during these moments that gratitude becomes even more critical. Here’s how you can maintain gratitude and optimism, even in the face of negativity:

1. Acknowledge That It’s Okay to Struggle

Practising gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring challenges or pretending everything is fine. Tara Brach’s teachings on radical acceptance remind us to be fully present with both the difficult and the good in life. Struggling doesn’t mean you’ve failed at gratitude. Brené Brown also emphasises that vulnerability is not weakness but the path to deeper connection and healing. It’s okay to acknowledge frustration, especially when facing negativity from others.

2. Set Boundaries with Negative People

Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with negativity. Practising gratitude doesn’t mean tolerating bad behaviour. Kim Scott’s Radical Candour offers a valuable approach here: it encourages us to care personally while challenging directly. This means addressing negativity or difficult behaviour in a compassionate but honest way, ensuring that your own emotional well-being isn’t compromised. Nelson Mandela demonstrated this balance perfectly - holding firm against injustice while maintaining peace and optimism. By practising Radical Candour, you can protect your emotional space without sacrificing empathy or kindness.

3. Don’t Take Their Negativity Personally

When people act with anger or selfishness, it often reflects their own struggles rather than being a reflection of you. Rick Hanson reminds us that our brains are wired to pick up on negativity, but practising gratitude helps us focus on the positives instead. Nelson Mandela was able to rise above personal attacks and hatred, understanding that bitterness only weighs you down. By choosing not to internalise others’ negativity, you free yourself to continue practising gratitude and optimism.

4. Stay Focused on the Good in Your Life

In the face of negativity, it’s crucial to remain anchored in your own gratitude practice. Rick Hanson speaks about the brain’s “negativity bias,” which makes it easy to focus on the bad, especially when others are negative. Combat this by consciously seeking out moments of gratitude each day. Whether it’s journaling, taking time to appreciate a meal, or reflecting on supportive relationships, these practices help you maintain an optimistic mindset, even when others around you are struggling.

5. Lead by Example

Gratitude can inspire others, even in challenging environments. Brené Brown often speaks about the power of vulnerability, showing that when we express gratitude openly, we create space for others to do the same. Nelson Mandela’s life demonstrated this on a global scale - his ability to forgive and remain hopeful inspired others to embrace peace and reconciliation. Similarly, by practising gratitude and Radical Candour, you model a compassionate and honest way of addressing negativity, which can encourage those around you to adopt a more positive mindset.

6. Practise Self-Compassion and Forgiveness

Dealing with negative people can be emotionally exhausting, and this is where self-compassion comes in. Tara Brach encourages us to bring a sense of mindful awareness to our feelings and to treat ourselves with kindness, especially in challenging situations. Forgiving others for their negativity, as Nelson Mandela famously did, frees you from carrying resentment, allowing more space for gratitude and peace. Brené Brown echoes this in her work, highlighting that self-compassion is key to resilience. When you offer yourself forgiveness and understanding, you strengthen your ability to remain grateful, even in difficult times.

The Long-Term Impacts

Practising gratitude consistently can have profound long-term benefits, shaping how we handle challenges, nurture relationships, and find personal fulfilment.

1. Building Emotional Resilience

Gratitude strengthens our ability to recover from setbacks by helping us reframe difficulties as opportunities for growth. Tara Brach teaches that practising mindful gratitude allows us to acknowledge challenges while still finding space to appreciate what’s good. This long-term practice builds emotional resilience, making it easier to bounce back from adversity.

2. Positive Behavioural Changes

Gratitude doesn’t just change our mindset - it encourages positive action. Grateful people are more likely to engage in acts of kindness, generosity, and cooperation. Dr. Robert Emmons’ research shows that gratitude increases prosocial behaviours like helping others and volunteering, which benefits both individuals and communities.

3. Strengthening Relationships

Gratitude plays a key role in deepening relationships. Brené Brown highlights that expressing gratitude fosters vulnerability and trust, which strengthens bonds. Over time, regularly appreciating others creates more meaningful connections, leading to healthier and more compassionate relationships.

4. Cultivating Inner Peace

Gratitude helps shift our focus from what we lack to what we have, fostering a mindset of abundance. Rick Hanson suggests that this mental shift rewires the brain to focus on positive experiences, leading to a deeper sense of contentment and inner peace. Gratitude reduces stress and helps us find calm in everyday life.

5. Creating a Ripple Effect

Gratitude creates a ripple effect, influencing others to adopt the same mindset. Brené Brown shows that practising gratitude openly inspires kindness and connection within families, workplaces, and communities. This creates a lasting legacy, where gratitude fosters goodwill and positivity across generations.

Conclusion: Start Practising Gratitude Today

Gratitude is a simple yet transformative practice that has the power to reshape our outlook on life. By focusing on what we have rather than what we lack, we foster emotional resilience, strengthen our relationships, and create a deep sense of inner peace. As research from Dr. Robert Emmons, Brené Brown, and others has shown, gratitude isn’t just about fleeting moments of happiness - it’s a long-term shift in mindset that leads to greater life satisfaction, well-being, and connection.

The beauty of gratitude is that it’s accessible to all of us. Whether through journaling, mindful reflection, or simply appreciating the people around us, we can incorporate gratitude into our daily lives in ways that feel meaningful. Even small acts of thankfulness can ripple outward, inspiring generosity, kindness, and optimism in ourselves and those around us.

So, what are you grateful for today? By taking that first step toward acknowledging the good in your life, you’re beginning a journey that leads to more peace, contentment, and a deeper connection with the world. Start small, stay consistent, and watch as gratitude transforms not only your perspective but your entire life.

All the best in your endeavours!

Frank Choy

20 October 2024

Recommended readings

"Thanks! How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier" by Dr. Robert Emmons - on the science of gratitude, written by a leading researcher in the field. It explores how gratitude improves mental health, relationships, and overall life satisfaction.

"The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown - encourages readers to embrace vulnerability, practice gratitude, and live more authentically. It highlights how gratitude fosters deeper connections and self-acceptance.

"Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence" by Rick Hanson - how gratitude and positive experiences can rewire the brain, leading to lasting happiness and resilience. It explains how to “take in the good” to foster inner peace.

"The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want" by Sonja Lyubomirsky - practical strategies for increasing happiness, with a significant focus on gratitude and how it helps us build long-term well-being and life satisfaction.

"Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha" by Tara Brach - guide to mindfulness and self-compassion, encouraging readers to practice gratitude for the present moment and find peace, even in difficult times.

"The Happiness Advantage: How a Positive Brain Fuels Success in Work and Life" by Shawn Achor - explores how gratitude and positivity can lead to greater success in all areas of life, using insights from positive psychology and neuroscience.

"The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World" by Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, and Douglas Abrams - exploration of joy and gratitude, with insights from two of the world’s most respected spiritual leaders. It highlights how gratitude can transform suffering into compassion and peace.

"The Art of Gratitude" by Jeremy Adam Smith - practical guide to cultivating gratitude in everyday life, offering reflections and strategies to develop a deeper sense of appreciation and connection.

"Grateful: The Transformative Power of Giving Thanks" by Diana Butler Bass - explores the cultural and personal dimensions of gratitude, showing how the practice of giving thanks can change lives, communities, and society.

"Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Kristin Neff - ties gratitude and kindness into personal growth and resilience, offering insights on how these practices can lead to lasting emotional well-being.