Practicing emotional intelligence in a world ashamed of emotions

Having worked with researchers within life sciences, I observed how so many of them dismissed emotions as a weakness, expecting people to co-exist like cogwheels in a machine that is never supposed to break. Some of them dismissed the existence of emotions altogether, while, let me tell you, many of their decisions were made based simply on emotions. What many of these people lacked was emotional intelligence including not only what role emotions play in one’s psychophysiological and social functioning but also how to manage (and regulate) their own and others’ emotions. ?

Emotions are inescapable. Actually, one should not even try to escape them. Instead, one should dedicate time to understanding their own and others’ emotions because emotions provide us with valuable information about our environment to ensure our survival and the most optimal coping strategies. Awareness about our emotions helps us adapt to the demands of new contexts and navigate relationships in more attuned ways.

Interestingly, most of the time one is experiencing several emotions at one and the same time, all within just a matter of seconds: You might be happy to see your child but at the same time be worried about your husband who is driving in snow at night at the same time as you are anxious about a deadline. Because of this interplay of emotions, it is not only difficult to pinpoint how someone else is feeling but it is also difficult to know sometimes how you are feeling yourself, especially if you are not very much in touch with your emotions in general. ?

So, in this issue we cover emotions – what emotions may occur in what circumstances and how they manifest themselves - to help you improve your ability to pinpoint which emotion is dominating your state at a given timeand how it expresses itself as well as to recognize emotions in others.?

Either the soothing, threat or drive system is activated upon the occurrence of different emotions, with sadness making a slightly special case. Below you can get a more detailed understanding of some of the basic emotions. ?

Joy ?? Soothing system

Joy usually takes place in social interactions or when we are playing, and it contributes to fostering a sense of community. It makes us calm so that we can enjoy the here and now.

Surprise ?? Drive system

Surprise is the shortest affect/emotion. When we get surprised by something, it happens very quickly, within a matter of just a few seconds. Its function is to make us alert about new information. The lifting of the eyebrows in surprise allows for taking in of a larger visual sweep, thereby providing more information about the unexpected event to quickly figure out what is going on and what is the best course of action.

Sadness ?? Soothing/Threat system

The function of sadness is to help us adjust to a significant loss through a drop in energy and enthusiasm for life’s activities. When we are sad, our heart and body may feel heavy. We won’t be as open to the world, which may also make us feel lonely and isolated. Sadness can often lead to crying (as a release) to signal for ourselves and for our surrounding that we need comfort and support. After receiving support, the feelings of loneliness and isolation turn to a feeling of fellowship. In this case, the soothing system becomes activated. However, sadness can also take expression in the form of depression and anger expressed as aggression (outwards) and self-hate (inwards). In this case, the threat system is activated.

?Anger ?? Threat system

When we are treated unfairly, criticized or diminished by others, we may experience anger. It can also be caused by unmet needs or underperformance, and it can be expressed in the form of irritation or frustration. ?It makes us want to address the problem immediately and make it stop. That’s why when experiencing anger, blood flows to the hands making it easier to grab a weapon or strike at a foe; heart rate increases, there’s a rush of hormones such as adrenaline generating a pulse of energy strong enough for vigorous action.

Shame/humiliation ??

Shame/humiliation is activated when one wishes for something very much but it all results in interrupted joy, for instance, when one wishes to share her happiness over something she is proud of but receives a negative response. With shame, positive emotions related to one’s self disappear – we feel bad about ourselves, we feel unattractive, unwanted and flawed.

Guilt ??

Guilt makes us aware of the fact that we have hurt or damaged someone and pushes us towards making things right. ?

Fear ??

In our everyday lives, fear usually takes the form of worry or anxiety. Fear is experienced when our physical safety is threatened, when we are feeling physical pain, when we risk losing meaningful relations or when our self-esteem is threatened, for instance, when we risk appearing inept in others’ eyes. Intense fear may cause tunnel vision causing one to miss out on important information in their surroundings. Our body reacts strongly upon fear: Our sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flights response) is activated, muscles tense, the heart beats faster, the blood gushes towards the large skeletal muscles as a preparation in the face of the threat, making it easier to flee. ?At the same time, the body freezes, allowing time to gauge whether hiding might be a more optimal reaction. Attention is fixated on the threat at hand.

Anxiety ??

Anxiety can be understood as blocked or unresolved fear about something uncomfortable that is going to happen and that we have no control over. It forces us to want to take ourselves out of the situation immediately or stay in our comfort zone altogether. Anxiety can also be experienced when one feels fear without there being any actual threat. ?

Although facial expressions are a standard measure for testing one’s understanding of basic emotions (overused in recruitment processes), there is a tight connection between motion and emotion. For example, Darwin (1965) observed that upon the feeling of fear in the face of an unexpected danger, the body is momentarily “thrown into strong action” such as jumping. Another, strongly recommended, study by Nina Bull (1951) revealed that a change in emotion requires a change in posture or bodily attitude. The evidence is abundant, and the tight connection between movement and emotion is also why this newsletter is called E.MOTION. In the next issue we will be talking about "vitality affects" - momentary changes in feeling states that are expressed in subtle changes in our bodily movements.

Emotional intelligence is key to empathetic leadership. A manager's lack of empathy can have detrimental effects on employees’ well-being and performance as well as on the overall organizational culture and the company’s turnover.

?? New YouTube video out! ??

Spotting an unempathetic manager and tips for growing into an empathetic leader

E.MOTION is a safe space with one mission: To help people foster their mental well-being through the application of compassion and performing arts. The E.MOTION newsletter comes out once a month and provides insights and tips about mental well-being, cultural sophistication and the role of arts in fostering mental health.

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