Practice what you intend to become
When you set out to make radical changes to your life, you should get used to the idea that you are going to have to be somebody new. It comes down to a radical change in the person that stares back at you when you gaze into the mirror. Most people who go in for coaching or therapy are crystal clear on what they don’t want. Lots of guys don’t want to be poor, don’t want to be fat, don’t want to be a failure with women, don’t want to be?depressed?and don’t want to hate their job. Well it’s a good start but absolutely not enough. You need a goal set out in positive terms and as concrete as you can muster.?
There is a cliché going around that the unconscious mind can’t process a negative. Don’t think of a pink elephant. Well let’s take that pink elephant and shove it strainingly out of the window where it will plummet, screaming and trumpeting to its doom... along with the cliché. Of course the mind CAN process a negative but a positive is cognitively much more powerful. Wasn’t the description of my murder of the pink elephant so much more compelling? I’m sure it was.
When you set a goal for the new you, here are some tips as to how to make an impact on your subconscious mind... and you may actually get the transformation you crave.?
First, you need to be aware of the difference between who you are now, and who you intend to be. I might tell my coach that I:
These are all things I don’t want. Now it’s all well and good as a spur into action but won’t be able to keep me motivated in the long run. A fat guy who is motivated by “I don’t want to be fat” might lose a few kilos, and with the waning kilos, as he hates his condition a little less, his motivation will decline. "Not being fat" is an example of a negative motivation strategy. It only works in the short term, if at all. Let’s put my desires into the positive:?
Next, you need to make your ideal self "come to life" in your imagination, rather like the poor, doomed pink-elephant. A great way to do this is to find yourself some heroes - role models. Read about them, study them and understand them. We desire, of course, to emulate their greatness, and to do this we must truly imbibe their character in order to absorb that virtue.?
For example, I want to debate like Aristotle, train like Muhammad Ali, write like?Dickens and have the discipline of Tim Ferriss. To get even half-way there, you need a goal, an action plan, and a way to measure progress. A journal is the best way to keep track. At the end of each day, how did you do? Take inventory of all the ways you are living or failing to live each ideal. For each fail, you write down what you could have done instead and what you intend to do should the same situation arise.?
For all the successful moments, you write them down and celebrate them. If you managed to eat ONE healthy meal or stand up to your overbearing wife/husband/significant other ONCE with dignity and style, this is your triumph. Write it down in glorious detail. Accumulating a few of these you can read them aloud and relive each one. Do a little dance. Scream HOORAY FOR ME. You are making reference experiences with emotional content. The message to your unconscious mind is: let's do this again. These are what supporters of Switch theory call “bright spots”... or shining examples of how you want to teach yourself to be. The hero, in this case, is you. This practice is principal in solutions-focused therapy
How are you spending your time? EVERYTHING you do more than once will engrave itself onto your internal structure.?In other words: Your repeated behaviours create your identity.
Bold claim? Maybe.
Practice what you mean to become,
Brendan