Practice "Just Like Me" and "Tonglen"

Human existence is filled with struggle, pain, and suffering.?This truth is evident and affects some more than others. ?We can't assume to know what someone else is feeling and thinking, but we often know a lot about ourselves. ?Sometimes, we know more than we think we do.

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We know that we want to be cared about and don't want to be rejected. ?We know that many of us are hard on ourselves and often feel painful emotions. ?At the most basic level, we know that we all desire happiness and don't want to suffer.

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Amidst the discomfort that thatwe all feel, it can be easy to forget the beauty and positivity within ourselves and each other. ?That's where practices like "Just Like Me" and "Tonglen" come in. ?These practices have been used for centuries and have proven to be powerful tools for cultivating compassion, understanding, and empathy.

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The "Just Like Me" practice is a simple but powerful technique that can help you cultivate compassion and empathy towards others. ?The essential premise of this technique is that every person you meet, regardless of status, race, class, gender, sexual orientation, political beliefs, or religion, is just like you. ?They, too, experience joy, sadness, pain, and pleasure. ?This perspective makes you more likely to approach others with kindness, respect, and love. ?

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When you find yourself judging someone for who they are or what they did (or did not do), you can practice "Just Like Me," by closes your eyes, taking a deep breath, and repeating this mantra: "Just like me, this person seeks happiness and wants to avoid suffering. ?Just like me, this person has loved ones. ?Just like me, this person has experienced pain and heartache."

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One of my teachers (Pema Ch?dr?n) encourages us to go a bit farther in our practice:

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"You go to a public place and sit there and look around. ?Traffic jams [and laundamats] are very good for this. ?You zero in on one person and say to yourself: Just like me, this person doesn't want to feel uncomfortable. ?Just like me, this person loses it sometimes. ?Just like me, this person doesn't want to be disliked. ?Just like me, this person wants to have friends and intimacy."

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You can also practice like this on the spot.?Suppose someone is harsh with you for your having committed an error or mistake. ?You can say:

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-Just like me, this person gets upset and angry.

-Just like me, this person wants what's best for themselves.

-Just like me, this person wants to be respected.

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I encourage you to give this a try, and if you want to "kick it up a notch," you can practice another method of mind training called "Tonglen."

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Tonglen is a Tibetan Buddhist practice that means "taking and giving." It's a practice to help us move towards a more compassionate and empathetic living. ?Tonglen involves breathing in the suffering of others and breathing out love, compassion, and healing. ?With each in-breath, we take in others' pain. ?With each out-breath, we send them relief. ?In this practice, you can also send happiness to others and take in any suffering they may be experiencing.

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It sounds simple, but it can be challenging to practice. ?To begin, find a quiet place and focus on your breath. ?As you inhale, visualize taking in the pain, suffering, and negativity of someone close to you. ?Imagine sending them love, healing, and positive energy as you exhale. ?

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I sat and practiced Tonglen with each of my parents for several days as they were dying.?On the in-breath, I said, "I take on your pain and suffering." On the out-breath, I said, "May you be free of this pain and suffering."

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At the time (and in hindsight), my commitment to this practice gave me a feeling of purpose and connection to my parents. ?I also know that practicing this way helped them cross over with less pain and suffering.

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The benefits of practicing "Just Like Me" and Tonglen are many. ?These practices can help you:

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·?????Build more profound love, empathy, and compassion toward yourself and others

·?????Release negative emotions like anger, jealousy, and resentment

·?????Foster a sense of connection and belongingness with others

·?????Improve your mood, sense of well-being, and positivity

·?????Reduce feeling helpless or overwhelmed by the suffering of others

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These practices may seem challenging to practice in a self-absorbed world, but they're not. ?You can simply incorporate "Just Like Me" and Tonglen into your everyday life. ?For example, when you encounter someone you feel angry or resentful towards, say the "Just Like Me" mantra and visualize them as a person just like you. ?Similarly, practice Tonglen by imagining their pain and sending them loving energy whenever you see or hear about someone's suffering. ?By doing so, you'll build your capacity for compassion and empathy.

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As you practice, remember to be gentle and loving towards yourself. ?Cultivating love and empathy towards others starts with your love and kindness towards yourself. ?So, let yourself be loved, and let that love spread to all those around you.

David Langiulli ?is an Executive Coach and Jiu-Jitsu Practitioner. This essay is an excerpt from his forthcoming book:?There's No Escape! Embracing the Messiness of our Human Experience.