Practice Humility

Has your lack of humility ever held you back from getting better—would you even know if it had?  Above all other character qualities, humility is foundational. It’s like salt—it brings out the best flavor of each character quality required for creating effective relationships.

We rarely use the word humility at work. It’s like people are afraid to talk about it, as if it is the enemy of what it takes to be noticed, promoted, and to succeed. But according to Professor Mike Austin, Ph.D., professor of philosophy at Eastern Kentucky University, people who are high in humility “lack self-absorption, so they have more courage to try new things. That really frees them up to take risks. . . they’re not paralyzed with a fear of failure because that’s not their chief concern.” In my experience, failure is a precursor to innovation. Also, people with humility are more collaborative and open-minded: they are far more interested in what is right than in being right.

The word humility comes from the Latin “humilis,” which literally means “low.” But it doesn’t mean low self-esteem (thinking you’re less than others), or low courage (not speaking your mind). Humble people are strong. They have a secure sense of self because their validation comes from the inside, not the outside. In short, they are not controlled by their ego.

Consider the most humble person you know. Chances are he or she has created solid, meaningful connections with others. Through my own failures and shortcomings, I’ve learned that humility allows me to say “I made a mistake. I’m sorry.”

Humility prompts me to think, “What’s going on with my coworker today? Do they need my help?” Humility invites me to step back and make sure everyone in the room receives credit—not just me. It tells me that no matter how successful I am, I didn’t do it on my own. Humility reminds me that I’ve been talking for the last 30 minutes and need to give others air time. It helps me feel happy about someone else’s success. Humility keeps me curious. It is why I treat the front receptionist with the same respect as I treat the CEO. Humility helps me to forgive—even when the person who’s wronged me hasn’t apologized or asked for forgiveness. It tells me that there are many right solutions to solving the same problem. It makes me feel grateful for what I have. It prompts me to ask for help when I need it.

Humility helps me stop worrying about myself and start thinking about others. It gives me courage to be honest with a co-worker in a respectful way. It gives me the wisdom to accurately assess my strengths and weaknesses. Humility reminds me to be patient with myself and others—and to know we are all in the process of getting better.

If you’re serious about getting better—especially at building relationships that work—I invite you to try humility on for size. I think you’ll find it a perfect fit.

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Start With Humility is just one of the 15 proven practices to build effective relationships at work from my new book, Get Better, which is in stores now.