A practical list of "DO and DO NOT".

Rather than doing a recap on last week (and what a week it was), I ended up with a crowdsourced list of “what not to do."

I am not quite sure how it started. It's a bit quirky and a bit serious at the same time.

Anyway, here it is ...

On making assumptions: As Yoda would say, “Much to learn you still have, my young padawan.” 

• Don't assume you know it all (you don't).
• Don't assume everyone older than 50 is homogeneous (that's as silly as assuming everyone under 50 is the same).
• Don't assume that a career break is a professional shortfall.
• Don't mistake simplicity for stupidity.

On innovation: Here are two of my favorite quotes from the recent #FTT20Virtual from the innovation panel: “Stop being innovative and start being good.” and “We choose to do innovation not because it’s easy but because it’s hard.” To be innovative isn’t about running hackathons or creating an innovation lab (aka a “petting zoo”) with expensive coffee machines and chic furniture. It requires focus and clearly defined goals. And it’s hard work. 

• Don't chase after a shiny new toy w/o knowing what to solve for (we don't need more solutions looking for problems).
• Don't do something because it's on trend, or someone else is doing it.
• Don’t treat it as a project; innovation starts with the culture — and it needs to be part of the company’s DNA.

On diversity and inclusion (D&I): We have been talking D&I for quite a while now; unfortunately, despite much awareness, the figures are still dismal almost everywhere we look. Women and ethnic minorities still receive very little funding compared to their white male counterparts. Gender pay gap is persistent in many organizations within financial services. And even though half of the world’s population has been in social isolation — available virtually anywhere — manels are still everywhere. It begs the question — why? No, really — Why!?  

• Don't put a "women in xxx" panel on a side track — located in a far corner of the event hall (we're not "add-ons").
• Don't add token women or people of color to your event just to make you look good (we are not salad dressing or ornaments).
• Don't ask women and people of color on your team to find women, African Americans, and others as prospective hires because "you know 'them' and I don't" (it's not our job to fix your hiring "challenges").
• Don't hire to meet your diversity & inclusion goals (it goes way beyond hiring).
• Don’t tokenize the diverse employees that you do hire.
• Don't throw crumbs at underrepresented founders and expect to get a kudos (how does that compare to your other megadeals?).
• Don't treat funding diverse founders as a handout or charity (it's simply good business sense).   

On social: With social distancing, digital becomes our only means of connecting with our ecosystem. But that doesn’t mean you’d abandon your etiquette. 

• Don't seek out "female friends" on LinkedIn (come on — it's not a dating site — grow up).
• Don't send creepy direct messages in order to stand out; that will get you blocked (really fast).
• Don't use your platform as a loudspeaker (use your voice to elevate those who aren't being heard).

On being a decent human: With the pandemic and social injustices, we are going through very difficult times. Uncertainty and stress can bring out the best of us — and the worst of us.  

• Don't pretend to care if you don't (there is nothing worse than a hypocrite). 
• Don't abuse your relationships even if you are in a position of power. Don't be evil. (what goes around comes around). 
• Don't give advice, write articles and give interviews extolling a point of view, then go back to the office and do the exact opposite (we see you. So do your teams).
• Don’t forget to be grateful (we all had people helping us throughout our lives — thank them and don’t forget to help others just the same way). 
• Don't exploit women and pay them less (or not pay them at all).
• Don’t “pick a woman’s brain over coffee” for what you’d pay a man for.
• Don’t use networking as a cover for coming on to a woman in your industry (again — we see you — and we talk to one another).
• Don't label people (use that for your jars).
• Don’t forget your perspective is important (don’t forget, so is everyone else’s). 
• Don’t make promises you can’t keep (integrity is a really important trait).

On taking care of yourself: Last but not least, we must find time to recenter ourselves. 

• Don't stop reading and learning (life-long learning isn’t a phrase or a phase, it’s a vital part of becoming who you need to be).
• Don't doubt yourself; don't undersell yourself (you can do anything you set yourself out to do — believe in yourself). 
• Don’t forget to sit in stillness (finding real peace is a necessary activity for your sanity).
• Don’t forget you are not alone (even if it feels that way, this time will always pass).
• Don’t stop believing in your dreams (and don’t live someone else’s).

As Andy Bellavia said, "Engaging interesting and talented people on honest basis no matter who they are or where they come from makes life more enriching and increases chances of success."

So let's start from there. Let's build genuine relationship — no matter where we are — and make this world a better place for all of us.

Thank you to all who contributed, including Michele Martin, Mary Carty, Stessa Cohen, Urvashi Prakash, Noelle Silver.

And to quote Noelle: 

“Don’t forget you can be anything you want to be. So be something amazing.”

And never — ever — lose hope. (Thank you Bradley.)