A Practical Guide for Difficult Conversations
Sandy Scott, FACHE, MPA
I coach physician leaders to drive patient-centered change — and achieve their impossible goals with ease
Let's get real:
The core problems in healthcare aren't about physicians or administrators.
They're rooted in our systems.
And the most significant reason they aren't improving?
Our collective avoidance of difficult conversations.
Superficial discussions are keeping us stuck — far from our goals.
After coaching hundreds of physicians and administrators, I've discovered that the most significant breakthroughs in organizations come as a direct result of addressing tough issues, through the power of difficult conversations.
The secret is this: the most effective leaders spend 80% of their time preparing, which allows "the conversation to do the work".?
If you think avoiding a difficult conversation might be what's holding you back from making progress this week, this one's is for you.
Let's dig into five tools for having more easier difficult conversations:
1. Guide the conversation with powerful questions
Get out of your head.?
Use this checklist of powerful questions ?to prepare and guide your next difficult conversation.
Pro-Tip: The more you practice these questions in low-stake conversations; the less of a big deal it is to have a conversation with higher stakes.? ?To relieve the tension before difficult conversations, realize that you?already navigate a TON of "micro" difficult conversations every day — and you can use them as simple opportunities to practice.?
For example: Talking about “Where do you want to go to dinner?” with your partner is really 2 people with 2 different ideas coming together; and it can induce conflict and/or it can spark new ideas.? Practicing your technique ?in this situation gives you confidence to navigate higher stakes down the road:?
2. Convert complaints into to possibilities
Ever felt frustrated by people who complain?
I used to be irritated a lot, because I thought it was my job to help others feel better.? If someone was complaining and didn’t take my advice —and kept complaining— I would disengage and/or pretend to care.?
I would drive myself nuts, because?I didn't want to be rude.? Then I discovered the skill of "making a request".
This supported me to listen with empathy and support them in ways that were meaningful to them.
Here are two quick exercises for making requests and converting complaints to possibilities:
3. Give feedback with this 6-step-model
If you withhold feedback because it takes too long, you feel like you have to say it perfectly, or you’re worried you could hurt their feelings — try this:
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Put on a coaching mindset ; then use these specific sentence starters .
Do yourself a favor and print out this 6-Step Feedback Model , which includes video resources that dig into how to prepare to give feedback and how to avoid the most common mistakes we all make:
4.?Remember: relationships and results
This super short video serves as a reminder that negotiations need to be about relationships AND results.
Most people struggling with negotiations are fixated on one over the other.
When you figure this out, it's a lightbulb moment to say the least….
5.?Eliminate “hedge words”
This concept was a game changer for me, personally.
I discovered my subconscious tendency to use "hedge words" — as a way to connect with others by softening my message.
The reality is, these words stem from a lack of confidence.
Remove these from your vocabulary, and watch your difficult conversations become easier:
A word for the wise:
True progress lies just beyond the edge of discomfort.
If you pick a tool, and put it into action — don’t be surprised if you experience a result that far exceeds your expectations.
Remember, it's the conversations we're avoiding that hold the most potential for breakthrough.
Let’s get real and "let the conversation do the work".
With love,
Whenever you're ready, here's 3 ways I can support you: