PQ and Relationships: Why Is Empathy So Hard?

Background: To understand this article, it’s helpful to know that Saboteurs are our own unconscious negative thinking habits. We have developed these since childhood. They exist to protect us, but wind up hurting us in the end.

Relationships and Empathy

Different kinds of relationships have been occupying my thoughts lately. Clients have been opening up about their connections with partners, spouses, parents, siblings, co-workers, and bosses. In each case, a common obstacle emerges—one that holds the key to improving these relationships. To give you a concrete example, I’ve created a composite situation that blends several recent client coaching session topics and tells a universal truth about all of us.

Sometimes, to move forward, we must forgive—ourselves and others. And our saboteurs want to prevent us from doing that.

Take, for instance, my composite example below, my story of a session with "Paula", a client with a painful relationship with her father:

The Obstacle: Ourselves and Our Saboteurs

• Paula knows her father loves her, and she reciprocates that love. Yet, the gap between how he expresses it and how she wishes he would express it remains a live, active pain.
• As her father ages and his health weakens, bridging this gap becomes urgent. But it’s no easy task. Decades of bitterness and hurt stand in the way.
• Her saboteurs want to keep her from moving toward him; after all, saboteurs are there to protect us! And his own saboteurs make it equally difficult. Both people fear being hurt.

The First Step: Realization

• Acknowledging what needs to change is the initial stride on a longer path. Yet, that first step can feel daunting.
• Many PQ reps during our session (mindful moments, like taking a few deep breathes) help Paula quiet her internal negative voices, allowing a more loving and creative self to engage.

Coaching Summoning the Sage Powers of Positive Intelligence

During our conversation, we explored many different PQ Sage Powers. But first, empathy.

• Before empathizing with others, she must focus on self-empathy. Visualizing her younger self—feeling unloved and unworthy—helps her heal. She feels and expresses compassion for her younger self, recognizing her worthiness of unconditional love. Her resilience and awareness of the many gifts she has to offer as an adult become evident.
• She begins by first experiencing her valid feelings of pain and understanding the truth of her experience. And then, after forgiving herself for judging her dad, she can move on to the next step.

Empathy for Her Father

• She imagines her father’s bleak childhood, vastly different from her own. His experiences shaped him into the person he is today.
• His love language involves security and gifts, not emotional intimacy. This stems from his own experiences of feeling robbed of all security and emotional connection as a child.
• Putting herself in his shoes, she can feel how very difficult it is for him to have strong and loving relationships. And how sad that is.
• During this visualization, I ask Paula what is the most compassionate thing she could say to her father? She says, "I know you love me. I forgive you. It's ok."

The Navigate Power

• She envisions herself at life’s end, reflecting on what truly matters in her relationship with her father.
• What is genuinely important? What can she let go of?

The Journey Ahead

• Deep emotions surface during the session, followed by a sense of release and comfort.
• As she gains insights, she feels lighter and more optimistic.
• The road ahead won’t be easy, but her elder, wiser self insists it’s crucial, and she listens.
• Commitment to progress, even 10% at a time, leads to meaningful change.

The 10% Change Approach

• I often ask clients: “What if you could make a 10% change?”
• For example, what action could bring her 10% closer to her father next month?

In Summary

• This work is about bridging gaps, healing wounds, and moving toward love—one step at a time.

Over to you. Did this article resonate with you? Did the issues remind you of yourself or anyone you know?

Thanks as always, for your engagement and connection.

#corporatewellness #positivemindset #mindfulleadership #emotionalintelligence #workplaceempathy #stressreduction #wellness #mentalhealth

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