Powerful Women Practice Self- Love

I'm on a mission to propel more women lawyers to power positions where they can have more control over their careers, compensation, and courage. Today, we talk about the power of reflection and how to do it effectively.

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As this is Valentine's Day’s month, I want to recognize that many of us are always there for other partners, children, colleagues, and clients. Yet we struggle to practice self-love and care.?

Self-love can be an action that many of us struggle to give ourselves. Self-love is about embracing who you are and appreciating the value you bring to those around you. It recognizes that you are valuable and deserve some time to yourself and to pursue your dreams. And practicing it will make you a more effective, engaged, healthier partner, parent, colleague, and attorney.?

In "Brave," Merida is a strong young woman who wants to follow her own path, not do what her family wants her to do. Her mother constantly tells her how she should act, but Merida doesn't listen and even fights for herself. She will not let anyone decide her fate and runs away to be herself. We could all take note of this brave girl on how to stand up and carve out time for herself.?

Here are 5 Tips for Ways You Can Practice Self-Love

Tip 1: Recognize your Successes and Value

If you're currently in a role that does not fully engage your talents or at a career crossroads, it can be easy to focus on the challenging parts or the things that aren't going as planned. Recognizing your successes and values is critical because it helps you see all you have accomplished.

If this is difficult for you, ask others to help you come up with a list. It can be helpful to post the list near where you work—so you can reflect on it—if you have negative self-talk.

By recognizing your past triumphs, you will know you can attain what is lacking if you focus on it and create an effective plan. In doing this, it is critical to appreciate the small successes. You will not change how management or potential clients view you in a single day—but you may get positive feedback or recognition at a meeting. Appreciating small successes will reinforce that you are on the right path.

Tip 2: Work on a Kind Inner Voice

Recognizing your value is the first step to modifying and overcoming those limiting negative voices that undermine and hold us back. Many of us suffer from biting inner voices that taunt us with possible failures and humiliations—if we try to move forward—and are not successful on day one.

The first step is recognizing what these inner voices say and when they arise. Then you can work on re-frames that emphasize your value and put the critics in perspective. Creating a kinder, more genuine, and more realistic inner voice makes it easier to leave your comfort zone, advocate for yourself, and move forward.?

Tip 3: Give Yourself Time and Space

Often, we keep running on the hamster wheel, doing the same things in our life. Going, Going, Going. Doing, Doing, Doing. Now and then, you need to stop the wheel and disengage. Carve out space to think about what you want and what is in your way.

Many clients of mine have taken this time and switched what they were pursuing (sometimes they were doing it just because it was expected and not because they wanted it). They also have used this time to explore what is blocking them from attaining what they want. It can be either negative self-talk, others' expectations, busy work, or not investing time.?

By the way, you do not have to sit there and think about your issue—sometimes switching it up, going for a walk, reading a book, or journaling can unearth some powerful truths.

Tip 4: Invest in Yourself

Powerful women invest in themselves. They know these investments pay off dividends and help them create the lives they want.

They invest in trainers, conferences, networking organizations, and coaches. They understand that committing their time and sometimes money creates a more healthy, happy, and prosperous future. They know that sometimes to break out of their comfort zone, they need to do different things and expose themselves to new ideas.?

These women also spend time investing in themselves. This includes spending more time preparing for meetings—so they are ready to show off their executive presence or more time networking or bolstering their professional reputations. Again, when we are so busy, this investment of time seems selfish—but it will pay off tremendously.

Tip 5: Advocate For Yourself

If all this talk of giving yourself time and space and investing in yourself is stressing you out, it is probably because you see it as one more thing you have to do—rather than look for ways to substitute it for something else you are doing for yourself.??

It would be best if you looked for ways to advocate for help from your partner or at work so you can delegate specific tasks. And as I have discussed in the past, there are often tasks that you can dump. Personally, when my kids were growing up, I dumped Christmas cards and tutoring my kids in particular subjects. These activities stressed me out and brought me no joy. At work, I looked for ways to delegate work to different people—especially when it would help them grow their experience, and I gave feedback and did not redo work myself.?

Advocating for yourself also means asking for what you need at work, whether it is help, access to experiences, or time off. If your organization views it negatively, you should assess whether this is the right culture for you.?

And yes—putting yourself and your career first—is self-advocacy, self-care, and self-love.?

?Practicing self-love can feel selfish or impossible to find time for. But to design and achieve the life and career you want—you need to exercise it. As Merida said:

"There are those who say fate is something beyond our command. That destiny is not our own. But I know better. Our fate lives within us. You only have to be brave enough to see it."

What more insights?

• Check out this article where I share more on How Authenticity and Vulnerability Pay Off and Help You Win Personally and Professionally.
• My Guide on the 10 Tips for In-House Counsel Struggling to Advance gives you tips to release fear, jump-start your career, and propel you towards promotion.

Sheila is the CEO of Focus Forward Consulting. She helps intelligent and accomplished women lawyers go from uncertain and uninspired to unstoppable and attain power positions where they have greater control of their careers, compensation, and courage.