Powerful Women Don’t Over-Apologize

I'm on a mission to propel more women lawyers to power positions where they can have more control over their careers, compensation, and courage. Today, we talk about the power of self-forgiveness.

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In the movie Professor Marston and the Wonder Women, the character Olive is an over-apologizer like many professional women. An over-apologizer is a person who can become paralyzed by over-analyzing when she makes a misstep. For example, when Dr. Martson says to Olive:

Will you stop apologizing? Do you know how many times a minute you apologize? Olive's reply is, "Sorry."

Powerful women are accountable for their mistakes and learn from them, but they practice self-forgiveness and don't over-apologize. The inability to forgive yourself and move on can negatively impact you at work.

For example, Leadership IQ's study, The Links Between Self Forgiveness, Forgiving Others, and Employee Engagement discovered that if you're good at forgiving yourself, you're 65% more motivated to give 100% effort at work. And you're 40% more likely to recommend their company as a great organization to work for. So as an individual and as a manager, you want to ensure that you have an accountability culture—where people believe they can learn and grow.

The act of self-forgiveness also has a significant impact on personal well-being and self-improvement. One critical benefit of self-forgiveness is improving your self-image. As you learn and practice forgiving, you may reduce your risk of developing related mental health concerns, like anxiety or symptoms of depression. You may also boost your sense of self-worth, productivity, and motivation as you begin to let go of the past and look toward the future.

Also, not forgiving yourself can make you play it safe in your comfort zone. And if you only play where you know you will win—you cannot grow or develop.

Here are some steps toward self-forgiveness:

Step 1: Acknowledge and understand your feelings. Don't downplay how you feel. You should also determine if they are valid or overblown.

Step 2: Accept what you could have done better—apologize if appropriate. This requires reflection and understanding of what you could have done differently and what was out of your control.

Step 3: Treat yourself with kindness. Talk to yourself like you would a friend.

Step 4: Look at ways to improve in the future. How would you change what and how you handled the situation?

Step 5: Make meaningful changes.

Again, viewing our situations fairly and rationally can be difficult. A mentor, manager, or trusted peer may be able to help you assess the situation and help you navigate to self-awareness, self-forgiveness, and growth.

Everyone appreciates people who own their mistakes and appreciate even more those who learn from those mistakes—and take different actions in the future. I remember having discussions about people's development, and the conversations were always optimistic about those who took ownership, moved on, and learned. Management saw them as having a growth mindset and capable of further advancement.

What more insights?

• Check out this article where I share the 10 Tips For In-House Counsel Struggling to Advance. In this guide, I share my time-tested tips for in-house counsel to release fear, jump-start your career, and propel you towards promotion.
• Take a look at my guide that details the Top 3 Reasons that Your Business Development is in a Drought and How to Make It Rain. In this guide, I share the top reasons that your business development efforts are not producing the results you want and what to do to remedy it in both the short and long-term

Sheila is the CEO of Focus Forward Consulting. She helps intelligent and accomplished women lawyers go from uncertain and uninspired to unstoppable and attain power positions where they have greater control of their careers, compensation, and courage.