The Powerful First Impression.

The development of soft skills – communication, interpersonal relationships and self-knowledge - is as important as improving technical expertise or personal interests.?

These past two weeks, I’ve been working with a woman who has a genuine fear of public speaking – the idea of standing in front of a room full of people literally causes her throat to close up and she 'loses her voice'.?

Today, she is giving an assessed presentation in front of 25 people as part of her master’s degree.? The stakes are high.

And when the stakes are high, too often our thinking becomes unclear, the nerves kick in and we lose control.

The common belief about confidence is that it is something a lucky few are born with; in fact, it is a skill you can learn and like all learnable skills, it becomes easier with practice.?

The most powerful communicators in history, from inspiring agents of change to award-winning actors capture hearts and minds the world over because they are tuned-in.? Tuned-in to what they are saying, how they are saying it, and most importantly of all, why they are saying it.

Confidence comes from your why. ?

It’s what you know to be true about what you are saying, it is your lived experience of your subject and speaking about it in this way signals your passion and interest for it.?

Your why for speaking is your anchor, it keeps you calm and composed… and it is the single most compelling tool you have at your disposal.

Because knowing your why gives you conviction and it determines the direction of every conversation you have and every presentation you give, allowing you to control the situation rather than feeling as though it is controlling you.?

And this is important because your ability to control how you express yourself determines your success in life.

If you are already in the room, then you have already convinced your interviewer or potential new client or the team that on paper, you possess the necessary skills and characteristics for the job at hand. ?

Recognizing this gives you a renewed reason for speaking:

You are not there to prove or convince, persuade or inform.? Expressing your why conveys your personal values and non-negotiables, it’s who you are and what you stand for.? So you’ve got to stand for something, and then stand by it, authentically, whole-heartedly and without doubt.

If you know why you are speaking then what you say will be true because you know and feel it, you live it, and your intention is to awaken the room to this truth.?

It doesn’t matter what you are talking about: sales data or office layout, mission statement or product development, knowing your why will guide your voice and your presence because it is real and natural, and it will attract the right kind of attention.

Today, when my master’s client presents, she will be channelling the why of her subject. It has given her a new focus, freeing her from nerves and doubt.? Rather than talking at the room about her research topic, rather than reading off the screen or being aware of the camera and the moderators, rather than feeling like an impostor who must force herself to speak, she will speak for the room, in service to the needs of her listeners.?

She will speak freely and with conviction because she has seen the impact of her subject in action, seen how it affects real lives, believes that she too can make the same difference in the lives of others; she believes in the change her words can bring.

We all have a why, but doubt, fear and uncertainty dim the brilliance of its motivating force.? We tell ourselves that it's not that important, that it probably won’t make a difference, that there's no way anyone else feels the same, and so we lose confidence.

Giving ourselves permission to speak openly and even vulnerably, secure in the knowledge of our why, gives others permission to do the same, and when we meet one another in place of mutuality, everything becomes that little bit easier, that little bit more meaningful.

As Jay Z said, ‘Real recognizes real.’