The Power of Your Words: How to Become a Better Speaker by Changing Your Self-Talk

When it comes to public speaking, one of the most critical tools at your disposal is often overlooked: your words. Not just the words you say to others, but the ones you say to yourself. The way you describe your abilities, especially when talking about public speaking, can shape how you feel about it—and ultimately, how you perform.

I tell my clients, "Thoughts become words, and words become things, so think the thoughts you want." The reality is that what you think and say influences your actions and outcomes. So if you're ready to level up your public speaking game, it’s time to reframe the narrative in your head. Words hold power, and by choosing them wisely, you can build confidence and change the way you approach public speaking, one phrase at a time.

Why Words Matter in Public Speaking

Public speaking is often seen as a nerve-wracking experience, but it doesn't have to be. The first step toward conquering your fear is to change how you talk about it. Many entrepreneurs and executives have to speak in public—whether they like it or not. Their ability to speak confidently in front of others is directly proportional, if not exponential, to their own success and the success of their companies. Confidence in communication can open doors, inspire teams, and attract investors.

The key to improving this essential skill is paying attention to how you speak to yourself. Many people unintentionally reinforce their anxieties by using negative language that fuels self-doubt. But with a few mindful tweaks, you can shift your mindset and develop a more empowering narrative around your speaking abilities.

Let’s start by breaking down a few common self-defeating phrases, along with how you can reframe them to inspire growth.

• Instead of saying: "I'm afraid of public speaking." Try: "I'm working on becoming a better public speaker."

Why this works: Fear can feel overwhelming and static, but when you replace it with the idea that you are "working on it," it becomes a process of improvement, which is much more manageable. It also reminds you that growth is ongoing, not something you’re stuck with.

• Instead of saying: "I get really nervous talking in front of groups." Try: "Even though I get nervous, it's an exciting, rewarding experience."

Why this works: Nervousness is normal, but labeling it as part of an exciting journey reframes the discomfort as a necessary and even enjoyable part of the process. This subtle shift turns anxiety into anticipation.

• Instead of saying: "I don't think I'd be good at presenting my part." Try: "I'm willing to try presenting, but I should practice and get feedback first."

Why this works: Self-doubt often comes from a fear of failure, but committing to practice and feedback introduces a path forward. You aren’t stuck in the mindset of “I’m bad at this,” but rather in a position of willingness to improve.

• Instead of saying: "I'll never be a good speaker." Try: "Through perseverance, I will become a great speaker one day."

Why this works: Permanence in your self-talk can box you into negative beliefs. Adding “one day” shifts your thinking to long-term growth. Speaking is a skill, and like any skill, it can be mastered with time and effort.

• Instead of saying: "There's no way I can memorize this speech." Try: "I shouldn’t memorize, I should prepare thoroughly to deliver it naturally."

Why this works: Memorization isn’t always the best strategy, and recognizing that opens the door to preparing in ways that feel more authentic and sustainable. Delivering a speech from a place of understanding is far more powerful than simply reciting words.

• Instead of saying: "That presentation was terrible; I'll never improve." Try: "I'm proud I had the courage to speak, and I'll keep working to improve."

Why this works: Courage is the foundation of public speaking. If you focus on your bravery rather than perfection, you create space for continued growth. Improvement comes through iteration, and you can’t improve if you don’t start.

Small Changes Over Time Lead to Big Results

It’s important to remember that mastering public speaking isn’t about instant transformation. It's about small, consistent changes over time. If you pay attention to how you speak to yourself every day, you'll notice that your confidence and ability will grow as well.

Like a ship setting sail, even a minor course correction will eventually take you to a completely different destination. By shifting your internal dialogue, you’re realigning yourself with success. You’re not just working on your speaking skills—you’re building the mindset of a confident, empowered speaker.

For entrepreneurs and executives especially, these small shifts in self-talk can have a massive impact on your ability to communicate clearly and effectively. Your speaking ability is often a direct reflection of your leadership. As you improve, so do your opportunities to inspire, lead, and persuade others toward your vision. And all of this applies to virtual events just as much as it applies to in person ones.?

The Benefits of Communicating at Your Highest Level

Choosing positive words not only impacts how you feel but also affects how your audience perceives you. When you speak with confidence, even if it’s a work in progress, your audience will pick up on your energy. They’ll trust you more, engage with your message, and be more willing to follow your lead.

Communicating at your highest level doesn’t mean you have to be perfect; it means showing up with intention, preparation, and belief in your growth. Small shifts in your language can compound into significant improvements over time, both in how you feel and how you perform. For business leaders and entrepreneurs, confidence in communication can often be the factor that differentiates you from the competition.

What I love about public speaking, presenting, and pitching, is that there is always room to improve. It keeps it interesting, and exciting to continue to practice and get incrementally better.?

So don’t let your self talk, stop you before you have a chance to start.?

Action Steps for Everyday Improvement

1. Monitor Your Self-Talk: Start by paying attention to the words you use when you talk about public speaking, presenting, and/or pitching. Are they helpful or harmful? Write down any negative phrases you catch yourself saying and brainstorm new, positive alternatives.
2. Practice Reframing: Each day, take one negative thought and reframe it. For example, if you’re dreading an upcoming presentation, try telling yourself, “I may be dreading it, but it is a great opportunity to practice and grow.” The more you practice reframing, the more natural it will become.
3. Celebrate Small Wins: After each speaking experience, whether big or small, take a moment to recognize what went well. Don’t focus on the negatives—there’s always something to celebrate, even if it’s just that you showed up!
4. Surround Yourself with Positivity: Engage with other speakers who are also working on their craft. Positive reinforcement from others can make a huge difference in how you see yourself. Consider joining a public speaking group or community to gain feedback and encouragement.

Final Thought:

Remember, becoming a better public speaker isn’t about eliminating fear or suddenly becoming flawless. It’s about the journey—about improving a little every day by being intentional with your words. Each small shift in your self-talk leads to more confidence, better communication, and ultimately, success.

Entrepreneurs and executives: public speaking is an inevitable part of your journey, and your ability to be a confident communicator directly impacts your company’s trajectory. Communicate at your highest level by starting with yourself. Make those small changes, stay the course, and you’ll soon find yourself speaking with confidence, clarity, and purpose. Anchors away!

Want to realize your full communication potential?

Whether you're developing a keynote, preparing for a TEDx talk, or refining your startup pitch, I can help you become the confident, effective speaker you need to be. Let's work together to make sure your words and your message resonate. Book an intro call with me today , and let’s explore how we can turn your speaking goals into reality.

Remember, thoughts become words and words become things, so think the thoughts you want!