The Power of Your Village in Silencing Self-Doubt
If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. – African Proverb
In a world that often celebrates individual achievement, it's easy to fall into the trap of self-doubt and imposter syndrome. These internal struggles can be paralyzing, hindering personal growth and professional success. However, there's a powerful antidote that often goes overlooked: your village, your community, your support network. Call it what you want, the effects are the same. This article explores how leaning on your village may be an effective strategy for countering self-doubt and imposter syndrome.
I attended my college reunion this past weekend at Syracuse University . The event is called Coming Back Together or CBT and is held every three years. What makes this reunion so special is that it is the Black and Latino reunion. It’s open to everyone who wants to register, but it focuses on the networking needs, nostalgic reconnection and philanthropic interests of the black and Latino alumni of SU. SU has never had an earth-shattering number of Black and Latino students. However, there is no denying the profound connection that these alumni have when they get to campus. It doesn’t matter the class year. Alumni of color gravitate to each other and create an organic ecosystem that allows everyone to thrive.
Today’s edition of Unleash Your Audacity will focus on three concepts:
The Power of Community
Why can having this kind of village be so beneficial? Well, it’s a network of supporters, mentors, friends, and colleagues who form your personal community. It can be small but mighty. Or it can be expansive and long-reaching. This personal community can serve as a powerful antidote to self-doubt in several ways:
Perspective: Your village offers external viewpoints that can challenge your negative self-perceptions. When you're stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, an outside perspective can provide clarity and remind you of your true capabilities. I don’t know about you, but when I see my friends from college, the reminders that we knew each other when we were poor, messy and not as smart about life, reminds me of how far I have come and how much my old friends appreciate how far I have come, in turn allowing me to appreciate how far I have come too.
Validation and Support: Community members can validate your experiences and feelings. Knowing that others have faced similar challenges can normalize your struggles and reduce feelings of isolation. Ironically, social media has been a positive tool. We follow one another’s life stages on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. We share births, weddings, divorces, promotions and deaths. What results are private messages of validation or public offers of support.
It doesn’t matter if we haven’t spoken in real life in 10 years. The Syracuse University connection is strong and profound. Your village is there to offer emotional support during tough times.
Skill Sharing and Job Searching: Within your community, there's a wealth of knowledge and skills. Leveraging this collective wisdom and social capital can boost your confidence and competence. One thing that is so powerful about the CBT reunion is that the people planning the weekend provide space for us Alumni to meet undergraduates. Most of them are scholars benefitting from our scholarship donations. It’s powerful to hear the testimony of young people who are experiencing the exact same emotions and doubts we had but who are also excelling and finding their way. Many of the students were vocal about being on the job market and looking our help as alumni. We in turn share contact information and friendly advice. I myself connected with a friend I haven’t spoken to in 3 years for advice and she and I are figuring out our next conversation.
Accountability: Your village can hold you accountable for your goals and aspirations by pushing you beyond self-imposed limitations. If it weren’t for the encouragement and advice of the people around me, I would not have been able to work with my sorority to raise over $100,000 in two years (during the pandemic) to endow a scholarship in our name. The amount of support we received from other members of the alumni community, including donations, was priceless.
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Building and Nurturing Your Village
Creating and maintaining a supportive community requires effort, but the benefits far outweigh the investment. Start by recognizing the supportive individuals already in your life. My sorority sisters have been in my life since freshman year, but they can also be family members, colleagues, or mentors.
I know I sound like a broken record, but you must also expand your network. Actively seek out new connections through professional associations, community groups, or online forums related to your interests. If that’s not your speed, reach out to someone you already know and trust who may be able to introduce you to someone who you can have a cup of coffee with. Don’t forget to combine this with the cultivation of diverse perspectives. Seek out individuals with different backgrounds and experiences. Diversity in your village can provide fresh insights and challenge your thinking in positive ways. I told you this was hard work!
Sharing your stories, while not easy, is also be a way to find people who empathize with your challenges. Open up about your struggles. Vulnerability fosters deeper connections and allows others to offer support. There are many ways to do this. I, for one, am an open book. I find enjoyment and release in writing this newsletter. I also wrote a memoir essay for the Bronx Council on the Arts , where I shared a personal story as a way to help others who went through a similar situation. This may be too much sharing for others, and that's ok. But the stories can be a resource for you as well.
Finally, offer support in return. Thriving friendships and communities are built on reciprocity. Be there for others as they are for you. And if no one is there for you at this moment, be there for others anyway.?It will come back to you exponentially.
Leveraging Your Village to Overcome Self-Doubt?
Diligent follow-up and follow-through will set you apart from the crowd and communicate excellence. - John C. Maxwell
Now that you have created this incredible village for yourself, check-in regularly, not just to share what is happening with you, but to check-in on them as well. You never know what opportunities and collaborative projects may come out of follow up conversations. Remember the importance of reciprocity.
Your village can be a safety net, but that’s just a tiny part of their role. Your village is also a launch pad for personal growth and success. It provides the perspective, validation, and support needed to overcome internal struggles, allowing you to realize your full potential. So, the next time self-doubt or imposter syndrome rears its head, don't face it alone. Turn to your village, and let the collective strength of your community be the cure you need.
Remember, even the most successful individuals have moments of self-doubt. The difference may lie in having a strong support system – a village to lean on during challenging times. Oh and your village does NOT have to be a lot of people. Sometimes, less is more. Your village may be 2 people and that’s great. By building and nurturing your community, you can create a powerful remedy to stave off self-doubt and imposter syndrome. But you have to do the work. #intentionality
In the end, it truly does take a village – not just to raise a child, but to nurture confidence, foster growth, and combat the self-doubt that holds us back. Embrace your village, and watch as it transforms self-doubt into self-assurance, and imposter syndrome into authentic confidence.