Power of Your Presence

It’s that time of year when you start seeing the word “present” everywhere. For me, that’s way more gifts. Maybe you have even seen the picture floating around social media with someone’s to-do list for the holiday season, edited to reflect values, needs, and the importance of connection we often overlook. As cheesy and Hallmark-y as this may seem (and believe me, I know my fair share of Hallmark movies!), it embodies a critically important message and powerful skill that we can all harness to create real change and lasting connection.? “Be Present.”?

Be Present?

On the most basic level, being present means being focused on one thing — a conversation, a project, a task — without distraction (yes, scrolling counts), without wanting to be somewhere else, without thinking past that moment, and without being in your head (whether daydreaming or planning other things). Presence is a palpable sense of being all there – physically, intellectually/mentally, and emotionally. It gives you a masterful accountability of yourself and it attracts the attention of others. By recognizing and tuning into all three elements (body, mind, and emotion), you can learn how to be more intentional and finesse this skill.?

Personal Presence

I was visiting a friend going through a tough time. Every aspect of her life was causing her distress. Between ill children, work layoffs, and the heaviness of the atrocities happening around the world, she and her partner were struggling. She broke down and declared herself hopeless and useless.?

I listened, then went full coaching mode, pulling out? an old script from Simon Sinek and asking her, “Do you want solutions, or do you want me to just sit with you?” She started crying harder.?

Staying true to the Simon Sinek's The Optimism Company 's approach to friendship, “No one cries alone,”? I just sat and held her. As I held her, my mind started wandering. I kept brainstorming solutions, resources, and ways we could work together to move forward. Minutes later (I am embarrassed, guilty, and ashamed to say), my brain wandered further—all the way to “don’t forget to email ________ about his contract tomorrow.” My brain had abandoned my friend. My body was there, and my intention was to be there for her, but I was far away, back at the office.?

Once I realized where I had gone, I pulled myself back. My focus, energy, embodiment needed to be directed towards my friend and her experience. I grounded my body. Connected my thoughts to her words and her breathing, and absorbed her experience. I chose to become a fully present witness and hold space for her.?

Darn those Distractions

Our world now is so full of distractions and deviations from being present. We are constantly seeking to escape hard conversations or avoid uncomfortable situations. And I am not just talking about our phones. Our minds and bodies are wise and they will do anything to protect us and get us out of trouble or perceived trouble. We have trained our minds to tap out. This act of tapping out is an evolutionary advantage: it has allowed us to multitask, process complicated information, and protect ourselves from trauma.?

However, every advantage has a disadvantage. Now, we seek to solve rather than sit in pain. We numb, suppress, avoid, hide away from, hijack, and bypass a lot of moments and feelings in our lives. It may be tempting to say, “I will numb only the bad things.” I get it. Been there. Tried that. But you can’t numb out one side of existence or experience. You are not able to repress sadness, disappointment, and grief while still fully experiencing joy or wonder.?

Things to Remember

1. Your presence is powerful. The impressions, focus, and connections fostered while present can generate influence and impact.?
2. Being fully present takes energy. Protect your energy and take care of yourself (body, mind and emotional health). Ensure that you are building healthy boundaries, self-care routines, and mental and physical wellness practices.?
3. Presence is a choice. Sometimes you need to decide a conversation/task is not worth your energy or may be unsafe to be fully present for. While it’s okay to find yourself distracted or deviating you must be intentional about where your presence goes.?
4. Learn about yourself and your own presence. Observe when you feel fully present. What are you doing? Where are you? How are you sitting/moving? How are you connecting??
5. Practice. The more we practice being present, the more comfortable we'll feel when we experience tough situations or need to be fully present with a person or task.

May we all be a little more present this season and coming year. Best wishes for 2024.

Cheering you on today, tomorrow and always.