The Power of 'Why': Challenging Narratives and Transforming Our Approach to Gender-Based Violence

In a world inundated with superficial social media noise, one word has the power to cut through the clutter and provoke meaningful change: "Why?"

This simple question can make people pause, reflect, and challenge their deeply held beliefs. Yet, it's a question that isn't asked nearly enough, especially in discussions about gender-based violence (GBV) and abuse.

The Importance of Asking 'Why?'

As an activist working in the fields of sexual abuse, rape, GBV, and human trafficking for the past 13 years, my focus has primarily been on men and boys. Throughout this journey, I have encountered extreme hate, confusion, disinformation, and outright ugliness. It can be shocking to witness humanity's capacity for cruelty, but it is also a testament to the deep pain many have endured.

The Roots of Hatred

I have counseled countless individuals who harbor intense hatred towards men due to the horrific abuses inflicted upon them by male relatives or family friends. These experiences understandably foster a deep-seated animosity. However, this hatred reveals a critical disconnect that must be addressed.

Uncovering the Hidden Truths

Research into female perpetrators of abuse is growing, and the findings are startling. Presenting these scientific, verified facts is crucial, yet they are often met with disbelief. Changing this mindset will require significant effort and education, but it is essential.

Challenging the Patriarchy Narrative

We cannot afford to continue perpetuating the narrative that only men abuse and only women are victims. Both men and women suffer from abuse in significant numbers. It is time to face the reality that victimization is a human issue, not a gender-specific one. The patriarchy narrative often overlooks the fact that men are deeply hurt by the same system that supposedly benefits them.

The Fork in the Road

Life often presents us with a choice: stick to the familiar path or venture into the unknown and challenge our biases. The familiar path is easier but represents a refusal to grow. The difficult path requires effort and courage but leads to real change. By forging this new path, we create a trail for others to follow, sparking a movement towards deeper understanding and empathy.

Embracing Humanity

Asking "Why?" forces us to introspect and move beyond biases and personal pain. This mindset shift is essential for supporting all victims of abuse and GBV, helping them to speak out and begin healing. Society mostly excludes male victims, who suffer in silence due to harmful stereotypes and limited coping mechanisms. This leads them to using the five basic coping mechanisms that they have been given.

• Sex
• Sport
• Silence
• Addiction
• Anger

We then get angry when hurt boys resort to the basics that they have been taught.

Be the Change

We must stop treating abuse as a gender-specific issue. By asking "Why?" and embracing all victims, we can heal and build a more inclusive, compassionate society. Let's take up the challenge to drive real change and not shy away from uncomfortable truths. Be the change you want to see.