The Power of Vodka in Negotiations: A Lesson I'm Still Learning

Twenty years ago in London, a bottle of vodka changed the way I think about negotiations forever.

We - an investment banker, a Swedish principal, myself, and a junior lawyer - were negotiating a deal with an American M&A expert from a US-listed company. Our styles were very different.

The American pushed for all-nighters and constant progress. Our Swedish principal, however, would say each evening, "Let's call it a day. My advisors deserve a good dinner and need some rest." This clearly annoyed our American counterpart, but we kept doing it, enjoying nice London restaurants every night.

After a few days with little progress, the CFO of the US company decided to intervene. He flew in from the US, walked into the room, watched us negotiate for a while and then dramatically placed a duty-free vodka bottle on the table and said to me, "Every time I give you something, I can take a sip. Every time you give me something, you can take a sip."

I later realized that this gesture was more than just a funny way to negotiate. It showed the importance of give-and-take and recognizing each other's efforts; it is about acknowledging the effort behind each concession. We never drank the vodka, but his 'thank you' after each compromise became a powerful reminder of the importance of mutual recognition. I could feel after a few hours that the mood in the room had changed and that we were working towards a mutual goal.

During the Christmas holidays, I remembered the CFO's approach when I read about Emmanuel Levinas's philosophy regarding "the Saying" and "the Said." Levinas suggests that true communication lies in "the Saying" - the openness and willingness to genuinely hear the Other beyond just the content of words. In negotiations, we often fixate on the content of our arguments, the positions we defend. The CFO’s vodka proposition went beyond mere words (the “said”). It was an act of opening up and making himself vulnerable (“the saying”). It created a space for dialogue and mutual recognition.?

This idea of meaningful communication also connects to another philosopher whose work resonates with me - Mikhail Bakhtin. Bakhtin faced significant challenges in his life; he amputated his right leg in his 40s, and his health and career improved significantly afterwards. This fascinates me. Some people know that I have come close to the same idea of amputating one leg to get things moving again in life (I am beyond that phase now). Anyway, one-legged he was quite productive in his work. Bakhtin believed that meaning is created through interaction with others and that our identities are formed through these dialogic encounters. In my London adventure, the CFO's approach opened up a way for us to interact more meaningfully after his die-hard M&A colleague had been instrumental to the deterioration of our relationship in the days before.

Since then, I have tried to remember to thank people when they compromise. It's not just being polite; it shows you recognize their effort to find a middle ground. This aligns with Levinas's idea that we have an ethical responsibility to the Other that goes beyond just exchanging information.

Next time you're negotiating, remember: sometimes, the most powerful tool isn't a clever argument but simply saying "thank you" and really meaning it. It's about creating a space for genuine dialogue and recognizing the Other, as both Levinas and Bakhtin emphasized.

I must admit, very often, I don't get this right myself. There have been many times when I've forgotten this lesson or was simply not able to apply it, especially when I'm tired or under pressure. It's a principle I am still working on and I’m still learning from my mistakes.

But one thing I’ll always remember from that London negotiation: sometimes, all it takes to shift the mood in the room is an unexpected gesture - and maybe even a bottle of vodka.

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