The Power of Validation

Think of a time when you experienced empathy. How did that feel?

You can use the feelings cards to tune in with yourself on how empathy feels for you.

Think of a time when you didn’t experience empathy. How did that feel?

In one of the trainings that our co-founder Lana Kristine Jelenjev facilitated on "Fostering a Culture of EMPATHY: From Disconnection to Connection at Home participants shared the importance of being seen, being heard, and validated when creating a culture of empathy.

According to Marshall Rosenberg, creator of Nonviolent Communication, empathy is "a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing...Empathy occurs only when we have successfully shed all preconceived ideas and judgements."

EMPATHY is the quality of being present.

Empathy is walking with another person into the deeper chambers of his self – while still maintaining some separateness. It involves experiencing the feelings of another without losing one’s own identity. It involves accurate response to another’s needs without being infected by them…[The empathic person]…senses the other person’s bewilderment, anger, fear or love as if it were his own feeling, but he does not lose the ‘as if’ nature of his involvement. -Robert Bolton People Skills (Sydney: Simon & Schuster, 1987) p271.?

Oftentimes we do not notice the patterns in our behaviors and engagement with others that block empathy. Empathy Blockers are statements you have heard from others or statements that you have used for yourself or for others that instantly create disconnection.

EMPATHY BLOCKERS promote:

• defensiveness
• resistance
• resentment
• diminishing of self-esteem
• diminishing trust
• blocking feelings
• decreasing the chance of solving problems
• distancing of people from each other

In our previous email we discussed about the different empathy blockers that hinder connection.

So why is it that we are emphasising on the importance of empathy in our work in Neurodiversity Foundation and Neurodiversity Education Academy ?

We believe that to bridge the gap for all neurotypes to thrive, we need to equip each other with tools to be able to hold the complexities of our differences. Fostering empathy in the circles and relationships that we are part of allow us to increase our capacity to experience emotions (including intense ones) without becoming triggered and to modify our responses in ways that are connecting and validating.

THE POWER OF VALIDATION

Validation is key to building strong relationships. Validating conveys:

• deep empathy
• welcoming and accepting of feelings
• the message that their emotions matter
• support and understanding

When we validate, we:

1. Take the time, energy and attention to understand and acknowledge.
2. Encourage the full expression of emotions.
3. Offer concrete support.
4. Hold space for silence, grieving and worries.

Validation is very different from toxic positivity where there is:

• emotional invalidation and denying of the experience,
• suppression of feelings or making people limit feeling their range of emotions,
• minimizing the depth of experience, and
• shaming the person for their struggles.

When we acknowledge and accept a person's inner experience, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as valid, we not only provide empathy, it also becomes a healing experience.

“Just like children, emotions heal when they are heard and validated.” ― Jill Bolte Taylor, My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey

Like any other life skill, being able to provide validation is a muscle that requires practice. Being able to know, understand, and articulate feelings/emotions can greatly support in emotionally validating your own experiences and the experience of others. Empathy is important when providing validation because when validating experiences (ours and others), we need to embody a quality of being completely present with "what is alive"( in us and in the other person) from moment to moment.

It is challenging to validate emotions or experiences, when:

• we are also trigger
• not within our window of tolerance
• pressed for time, attention, or energy to be fully present
• hungry, sleepy, tired or other biological needs are not met
• we have difficulty listening (stay tuned for this next article!)

Positive psychologist and co-author of our upcoming toolkit "What's Alive in You?", Anya Pearse MAPP has graciously offered resources for emotional regulation to help support us in this practice of being able to be fully present.

Let us know if you are using these tools, we would love to know how these resources are supporting you.

WHAT’S NEXT?

JOIN OUR FREE MONTHLY ND COMMUNITY GATHERINGS

We are hosting monthly community gatherings. This month, we will be exploring "NEURODIVERGENCE AND INTEROCEPTIVE AWARENESS" Do join us on February 23 from 12noon- 13:00 CET! Register and secure your spot?here .

DOWNLOAD OUR NEW FREE TOOLS

Check out our latest free resource: 80 Check-in Prompts for Children . These are now translated in Dutch, French, and Hindi! Stay tuned for Spanish, German, Filipino, and Arabic versions! If you are interested in supporting this work by translating this card deck in your own language, do let Lana Kristine Jelenjev know. We would love for this work to be accessible in different languages!

SUPPORT OUR ADVOCACY

We are able to provide these resources, tools and learning sessions through voluntary work. For individuals with expendable income, donations are welcome and can support us in providing our work to more parents, educators, organizations and communities specially for marginalized sectors. If you are interested in bringing Neurodiversity Awareness and Advocacy to your schools, companies or organizations please do contact us directly.