The Power of No: An Unexpected Tool Against Impostor Syndrome

What you don’t do determines what you can do. - Tim Ferris

When I am delivering content for FranklinCovey on the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, there is always someone who brings up the challenge of saying no. How do I say no to the urgent for others but the unimportant for me? I don't know if this is a symptom of imposter syndrome or not. But developing the ability to say "no" as a way to create boundaries (with others and yourself) may help combat impostor syndrome in several ways.

Let's explore how to establish impactful boundaries as a strategy for reframing your self-doubt from imposter syndrome to a normal feeling that can be overcome. Today's edition of Unleash Your Audacity will explore

• 5 ways that saying no can help boost your confidence
• How saying "not yet" instead of no can be a safe first step

5 Ways That Saying No Can Help Boost Your Confidence

1. Boundary-setting demonstrates self-worth. When we say no to things that don't serve us, we affirm that our time and energy have value. When we stand up for our values, we reach our purpose and unleash our audacity much sooner. This goes for our personal and professional lives.
2. Saying no, may prevent overwhelm. People with impostor syndrome often overcompensate by taking on too much to "prove" their worth. Saying no helps maintain a manageable workload where you can perform well. It also lets you stick to tasks that help you accomplish your mission and purpose. Not to mention that when we take on too much, we put our own well-being at risk.
3. Focusing on your more important goals leads to more authentic success. By being selective about commitments, you can focus on work that aligns with your #strengths and #values, leading to more genuine accomplishments that help counter impostor feelings. If you don't know what your strengths and values are, consider writing a mission statement or taking the Gallup Strengthsfinder assessment to help you begin to map out your purpose in life.
4. Transform energy spent pleasing others into power to pursue your own joy. Impostor syndrome often correlates with excessive people-pleasing. Learning to say no helps break this pattern. When you set boundaries or say no to the unimportant, you learn quickly who you can count on for future support.
5. The more you practice saying no to the unimportant, the more you can build your confidence. It takes practice. Each time you set a boundary and the world doesn't end, it challenges the impostor syndrome belief that you must constantly prove your worth through overwork and accommodation.

When you set out to unleash your audacity and find your purpose, you realize how important it is to say no and set boundaries in order to accomplish your goals and realize your dreams. If you are not ready for a full-fledge no, consider a "not yet." Not yet is safe and satisfies your need to be helpful and available while maintaining important relationships.

Have you ever watched a child say no? They do it with determination! I am not suggesting that we regress to our 2 year old selves, but it stands to reason that setting boundaries and saying no is a natural part of our development. How can we rediscover that audacious spirit that allows us to say no without regret?

How Saying "Not Yet" Instead of No can be a Safe First Step

Not yet has several unique advantages. No creates a hard stop, while not yet implies possibility while still maintaining a current boundary. It keeps the door open for when circumstances change.

Not yet can also softens the rejection without compromising the boundary. It allows you to demonstrate thoughtful consideration and maintain rapport with whomever you are saying not yet to.

Not yet allows you to control the timing, thus allowing all parties to acknowledge your current limits. Is is a postponement and not a rejection!

YET is a powerful word that allows you an opportunity to set a boundary while saving face. Two things can potentially happen. 1) The person will thank you for your consideration and you can go a step further by setting a specific date and time to reconsider the request. 2) The person will find someone else who is willing and available to get the task done based on their urgencies without compromising your relationship.

What has been your experience with saying no? Have you found it challenging in professional settings? personal settings? Are you a recovering people pleaser? Share your best practices.