The Power of Truth in Conflict Resolution

I’m publishing this newsletter series to discuss the nuances of the four timeless topics for people and organizations: conflict, change, transformation, and consciousness. You can subscribe to never miss an article

As previously discussed, The TKI Conflict Model, with its modified dimensions and renamed conflict modes, can analyze the four foundational INNER conflicts that are relevant to every human being.

Once we reframe a primal relationship that created psychological or spiritual wounds into an interpersonal conflict over two versions of the TRUTH between two people (whether the violation was one-sided or not), we can ask these two questions:

(1) What are the different ways to resolve this conflict?

(2) What are the consequences (short term and long term) for seeking to resolve the conflict in one way or another?

As you can see, Figure 11.11 displays what might have been going on between two people before either of them developed the courage to set up a meeting to discuss their past pain.

This illustration uses two small stick figures at the base of the protective dimension to represent two people “suffering” and each one proclaiming: “Oh woe is me!” Radiating the lowest emotional energies of shame, grief, guilt, anger, pride, etc., each person clings to a self-serving story of what happened between them, while each person symbolically turns their back on the other. If the two people are stuck on suffering, there’s little hope for creating any resolution, as their energy, time, and skills are spent on self-protection, defensive reactions and, in some situations, latching onto one addiction after another in an attempt to numb their pain from the past.

But eventually, as shown on Figure 11.12, the two people have mustered enough courage to move up to the distributive dimension, even though they remain in conflict over whose version of the truth is correct. Notice that these two stick figures have their arms pointing straight out at the sides, which symbolizes being on the distributive dimension. As such, their discussions are polarized (as an either/or exchange about the truth of what happened between them), but at least they’re talking! After a little time, the two people might be able to derive a joint solution by each conceding something to the other person’s story and thus COMBINING a few pieces of their separate stories into a revised version of what took place in the past—which can bring them some peace, but not all the peace that’s possible.

Incidentally, if a wound or violation that occurred between the two people was entirely one-sided in the distant past, involving, for example, an innocent child and a caretaker, it is rather easy to arrive at a solution—as soon as the older person finally concedes that they had used their power inappropriately to take advantage of the trust that the child had innocently placed in the caretaker’s hands. With a shared understanding of what had happened in the past, the two of them can then move forward in the process—instead of BOTH persons continuing to live with guilt, shame, grief, and sorrow.

As shown on Figure 11.13, these conflicted persons have been able to move up the integrative dimension by radiating the highest emotional energies (i.e., love, joy, peace, and compassion) through their higher chakras (i.e., the third eye and crown chakras). Based on an open, candid, and compassionate dialogue, the two persons agree on an expanded (more truthful) version of their prior stories of who did what to whom—and why. Notice that both stick figures are not only larger than before (since they have expanded the size of the pie available to them), but their arms are also stretched overhead, which represents the movement up the integrative dimension.

By applying a revised TKI Conflict Model to identify and then resolve a person’s foundational—INNER—conflicts., we have the potential to radically renew the long-established professions of organizational development, change management, human resources management, and conflict management—for everyone’s benefit.

Adapted from my new book, Mastering the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI).

Kilmann Diagnostics offers a series of?eleven recorded online courses and nine assessment tools?on the four timeless topics: conflict management, change management, consciousness, and transformation. By taking these courses and passing the Final Exams, you can earn your?Certification?in Conflict and Change Management with the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument (TKI). For the most up-to-date and comprehensive discussion of Dr. Kilmann’s theories and methods, take a look at his most recent books:?Creating a Quantum Organization and Mastering the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI).

Photo Credit: Liudmila Chernetska

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